Page 16 of 30 FirstFirst ... 67891011121314151617181920212223242526 ... LastLast
Results 151 to 160 of 300

Thread: Shit people say to the disabled

  1. #151
    Quote Originally Posted by offroaderswife View Post
    It's also annoying when strangers approach you and tell you about their "best friend" who is in a wheelchair. They never know the SPECIFICS of ther "best friends" injury or daily activities but they feel the need to relate to me by letting me know that they been around people like me. Blah, blah, blah! I have life experience beside being in a chair. Can we just find some other common ground besides you being a hero for knowing another "exotic rare species of a wheelchair person in life? Annoying!
    Could there be another take on this? For instance, it's not as though any of us is handed a manual on knowing the precise "right" thing to say to people we meet for the first time. Perhaps the person you're describing is trying in his/her best humanese to extend a welcoming hand, doesn't see the wheelchair as threatening and is using it as means of creating an first step toward intimacy. Most people really do want to be bonded to other people. For some, I'm sure, not acknowledging the wheelchair might violate their personal ethic. Granted this is exchange is awkward and clumsy and from our perspective annoying especially after being on the receiving end of this greeting countless times before. But I wouldn't rush to conclude that it's necessarily patronizing. I suspect there's more nuance and psychology taking place. We can meet it with resistance and resentment (not to suggest that that's easily done) or put on our psychologist's hat and figure out the deeper dynamics of what's going on (not that that will make us any more welcoming, but maybe).

  2. #152
    Quote Originally Posted by IsMaisin View Post

    This last weekend I had a little kid, maybe 5 years old, say "I hope you get better soon." From a kid, that's sweet. I would have been totally pissed if an adult said it.
    Last Summer after I had checked out at the grocery store the clerk said something close to that.. "I hope you feel better"

    And the old lady saying "I just wanted to say that it's so great to see you out" has been thrown my way.

    Two years ago I was sponsored by a local triathlon shop through a group that was pretty much all amputees. We got discounts at the store and free gear. After I did the paperwork process I went back to get my free pair of shoes. I was sitting there looking and trying to narrow down based on the colors I liked. Saleswoman comes over and I told her I was with the group and here to get my free pair of shoes but couldn't decide on color. Her response was, "well let's start back at the basics, what type of runner are you? Do you pronate?" I just laughed and said my running is sub par these days... I'll take the yellow ones.

  3. #153
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    Rochester, NY
    Posts
    3,864
    Quote Originally Posted by stephen212 View Post
    Could there be another take on this? For instance, it's not as though any of us is handed a manual on knowing the precise "right" thing to say to people we meet for the first time. Perhaps the person you're describing is trying in his/her best humanese to extend a welcoming hand, doesn't see the wheelchair as threatening and is using it as means of creating an first step toward intimacy. Most people really do want to be bonded to other people. For some, I'm sure, not acknowledging the wheelchair might violate their personal ethic. Granted this is exchange is awkward and clumsy and from our perspective annoying especially after being on the receiving end of this greeting countless times before. But I wouldn't rush to conclude that it's necessarily patronizing. I suspect there's more nuance and psychology taking place. We can meet it with resistance and resentment (not to suggest that that's easily done) or put on our psychologist's hat and figure out the deeper dynamics of what's going on (not that that will make us any more welcoming, but maybe).
    or, just smile say "wow that's interesting" and change the topic to something like the latest news, or a special at th grocery store. typically these ppl often find me when i cant reach something so i ask them to grab x, they tell me their life story, i listen, say ty i soo needed x for a recipe and BAM we talk about food. no psychologist's hat needed.
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
    http://www.elportavoz.com/

  4. #154
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Posts
    702
    Don't forget the classic "I was in a wheelchair for a month a few years ago". Even better when they add :it sucked".

    Oh, gee. Thanks for the huge compliment.
    Rollin' since '89. Complete C8

  5. #155
    Quote Originally Posted by stephen212 View Post
    Could there be another take on this? For instance, it's not as though any of us is handed a manual on knowing the precise "right" thing to say to people we meet for the first time. Perhaps the person you're describing is trying in his/her best humanese to extend a welcoming hand, doesn't see the wheelchair as threatening and is using it as means of creating an first step toward intimacy. Most people really do want to be bonded to other people. For some, I'm sure, not acknowledging the wheelchair might violate their personal ethic. Granted this is exchange is awkward and clumsy and from our perspective annoying especially after being on the receiving end of this greeting countless times before. But I wouldn't rush to conclude that it's necessarily patronizing. I suspect there's more nuance and psychology taking place. We can meet it with resistance and resentment (not to suggest that that's easily done) or put on our psychologist's hat and figure out the deeper dynamics of what's going on (not that that will make us any more welcoming, but maybe).
    More often than not, I find that people are simply attempting to relate, on some 'common' level, and the wheelchair becomes the obvious, most readily available means toward establishing that (no matter how awkward, weird, annoying, intrusive or patronizing to the w/c user).

    There are some who do seem to want a deeper, more intimate connectedness, even if briefly in passing, which the wheelchair and the perceived vulnerability of the person in it seems to allow, or at least make seemingly more accessible. In these instances, I've found the people wanting to share something of themselves with me, such as an experience of some struggle or pain, which they may feel I might be able to empathize with (given the chair and whatever brought me to be in it). And, it really isn't about me or the wheelchair. They just want to be heard and acknowledged, and the perceived pain and struggle associated with the wheelchair may make it easier to share their own.

    Being in a wheelchair doesn't come with some duty or obligation to listen to and put up with whatever anyone says, but what's a moment of your time to just give someone your attention, to hear them and to acknowledge, at least for that moment.

  6. #156
    Moderator jody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    east o the southern warren
    Posts
    8,530
    we should ride around on white elephants. Id much rather talk about elephants anyway.

  7. #157
    Quote Originally Posted by chick View Post
    More often than not, I find that people are simply attempting to relate, on some 'common' level, and the wheelchair becomes the obvious, most readily available means toward establishing that (no matter how awkward, weird, annoying, intrusive or patronizing to the w/c user).

    There are some who do seem to want a deeper, more intimate connectedness, even if briefly in passing, which the wheelchair and the perceived vulnerability of the person in it seems to allow, or at least make seemingly more accessible. In these instances, I've found the people wanting to share something of themselves with me, such as an experience of some struggle or pain, which they may feel I might be able to empathize with (given the chair and whatever brought me to be in it). And, it really isn't about me or the wheelchair. They just want to be heard and acknowledged, and the perceived pain and struggle associated with the wheelchair may make it easier to share their own.

    Being in a wheelchair doesn't come with some duty or obligation to listen to and put up with whatever anyone says, but what's a moment of your time to just give someone your attention, to hear them and to acknowledge, at least for that moment.
    Exactly.

  8. #158
    Quote Originally Posted by stephen212 View Post
    Could there be another take on this? For instance, it's not as though any of us is handed a manual on knowing the precise "right" thing to say to people we meet for the first time. Perhaps the person you're describing is trying in his/her best humanese to extend a welcoming hand, doesn't see the wheelchair as threatening and is using it as means of creating an first step toward intimacy. Most people really do want to be bonded to other people. For some, I'm sure, not acknowledging the wheelchair might violate their personal ethic. Granted this is exchange is awkward and clumsy and from our perspective annoying especially after being on the receiving end of this greeting countless times before. But I wouldn't rush to conclude that it's necessarily patronizing. I suspect there's more nuance and psychology taking place. We can meet it with resistance and resentment (not to suggest that that's easily done) or put on our psychologist's hat and figure out the deeper dynamics of what's going on (not that that will make us any more welcoming, but maybe).
    Nah....Too deep to analyze each persons intentions or why they feel the need to relate in that way. I honestly don't think about it too much when it happens. It's annoying but I always respond kindly and represent our community well. How I respond to it is more important to me than their intentions or how they are trying to do their human duty to acknowledge me AND MY CHAIR. We all prefer different approaches and I love to be treated like anyone else in the room. After 19 years of using a chair it's just not that big of a deal anymore. I prefer that no one else see it as a big deal either. Approach me and treat me like any other person in the room and then I'll get deep and put my psychologist hat on.
    My openly gay male friend who is 48 years old and very comfortable with himself (just like me) seems to experience the same thing with people. They always approach his openly gay life with comments like "oh yes, my 2nd cousin is gay", "my close friend from HS is gay". He feels the same way I do in those moments. We were hired on the same day for a major bank and have been friends since then. We always laugh that they hired us for our "diversity" so we could meet their quota (we don't really think that but we do giggle about it often).
    DFW TEXAS- T-10 since March 20th, 1994

  9. #159
    Quote Originally Posted by offroaderswife View Post
    Nah....Too deep to analyze each persons intentions or why they feel the need to relate in that way. I honestly don't think about it too much when it happens. It's annoying but I always respond kindly and represent our community well. How I respond to it is more important to me than their intentions or how they are trying to do their human duty to acknowledge me AND MY CHAIR. We all prefer different approaches and I love to be treated like anyone else in the room. After 19 years of using a chair it's just not that big of a deal anymore. I prefer that no one else see it as a big deal either. Approach me and treat me like any other person in the room and then I'll get deep and put my psychologist hat on.
    My openly gay male friend who is 48 years old and very comfortable with himself (just like me) seems to experience the same thing with people. They always approach his openly gay life with comments like "oh yes, my 2nd cousin is gay", "my close friend from HS is gay". He feels the same way I do in those moments. We were hired on the same day for a major bank and have been friends since then. We always laugh that they hired us for our "diversity" so we could meet their quota (we don't really think that but we do giggle about it often).
    Nowhere was I suggesting to analyze each person's intentions. Rather, I was making a generalization and suggesting that we put into context that for many people, however inartful, they will bring your disability/wheelchair into a conversation, often as an ice-breaker, out of the human need to make a connection. Whether you/I/we like it or put up with it wasn't the point I was making it. Appreciating that the intention behind it is more often than not quite benign.

  10. #160
    Quote Originally Posted by stephen212 View Post
    Nowhere was I suggesting to analyze each person's intentions. Rather, I was making a generalization and suggesting that we put into context that for many people, however inartful, they will bring your disability/wheelchair into a conversation, often as an ice-breaker, out of the human need to make a connection. Whether you/I/we like it or put up with it wasn't the point I was making it. Appreciating that the intention behind it is more often than not quite benign.

    I feel you. I wasn't doggin on you for your opinion or debating it. Just stating mine and my preferences about being approached about my chair rather than something else that can be precieved on an even more human level such as ME as a person rather than me as WHEELCHAIR person. That's why I've enjoyed this thread so much. It's a great light hearted thread to say the things we can't to those that appear to have a more shallow approach than others (my opinion of course). I don't make bones with them about it in public. I always respond kindly and it doesn't take a lot of effort to do so. The reaction to those less than favorable approachs is much more important in my opinion. I tend to make better long term connections with other approaches besides the ones involving my chair. For all the other approaches I just smile, respond kindly and keep on movin.
    DFW TEXAS- T-10 since March 20th, 1994

Similar Threads

  1. A COOL car for disabled people!
    By coregmrconman in forum Equipment
    Replies: 43
    Last Post: 08-29-2008, 07:13 PM
  2. New rights for disabled people/UK
    By Max in forum Ability & Disability News
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-23-2004, 06:35 PM
  3. Jobs for Disabled people
    By jmhenry81 in forum Life
    Replies: 65
    Last Post: 08-24-2004, 10:50 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •