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Thread: So Many Questions..BF has had TM for a decade

  1. #1

    So Many Questions..BF has had TM for a decade

    Hello!

    I'm new to the forum, and have so many questions. I have been dating a man for a year who was diagnosed with TM at 33. He is 44 now and in the middle 1/3 of the recovery divisions. He always uses at least one cane, but is wheelchair bound for lengthy "walks" or when he coaches his football team. Numbness from the waist down in stages, but full sexual function. Anything much more than walking in someplace and sitting he would use a wheelchair for. His feet he doesn't feel much at all.

    I have questions about pregnancy, life extpectancy, quality of life....just everything.

    He is rather closed off, although I have been to the urologist with him several times. He is not a good source for info because he tries to sugar coat, or leave stuff out that may be upsetting. He has anger and bitterness I would like to be able to deal with better. I need a sounding board, good advice and real factual information. I also need a friend or two.

    Thanks for any type of welcoming hand you can give. I have never dated anyone with a disability, and I love this man with all my heart. I want to do all I can to support him and make his life the best it can be.

    Have a great day!

    Mindy

  2. #2
    Super Moderator Sue Pendleton's Avatar
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    I would start here http://myelitis.org/. There are area support groups in the USA and around the world where TM is most prevalent.

    Does he know a possible cause for his TM?
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

    Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by minwah1 View Post
    Hello!

    I'm new to the forum, and have so many questions. I have been dating a man for a year who was diagnosed with TM at 33. He is 44 now and in the middle 1/3 of the recovery divisions. He always uses at least one cane, but is wheelchair bound for lengthy "walks" or when he coaches his football team. Numbness from the waist down in stages, but full sexual function. Anything much more than walking in someplace and sitting he would use a wheelchair for. His feet he doesn't feel much at all.

    I have questions about pregnancy, life extpectancy, quality of life....just everything.

    He is rather closed off, although I have been to the urologist with him several times. He is not a good source for info because he tries to sugar coat, or leave stuff out that may be upsetting. He has anger and bitterness I would like to be able to deal with better. I need a sounding board, good advice and real factual information. I also need a friend or two.

    Thanks for any type of welcoming hand you can give. I have never dated anyone with a disability, and I love this man with all my heart. I want to do all I can to support him and make his life the best it can be.

    Have a great day!

    Mindy
    I'm 51 and had TM when I was 11. I had similar recovery to your BF.

    Not sure what to say about the anger and bitterness. People are who they are. Not to say you can't have an impact.

    I don't think there is much to know about being with someone with a disability. Like other relationships, it works or it does not. It us understandable that you have questions now. If the relationship works, my bet is that in a number of years, you will have a hard time seeing him as someone with a disability. But this has a lot to do with how he sees himself.
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