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Thread: Pain getting the better of me

  1. #1
    Senior Member Cowboys_Place's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Northern California

    Pain getting the better of me

    Try as I might this f&c%ing pain is getting the better of me! I'm not sure how much longer I can continue too live like this nothing seems to work. . I've tried a few different medications, Gabapentin, steroid shots now the pain dr. Has me using fentanyl pain patch with oxycodone 7.5 2x daily without any relief. . The pain is in my hip, back and stomach yet tests don't show anything wrong with those areas..

    It's gotten to the point where most days I wake up and really wish I hadn't its that miserable! I don't even like to eat because not long afterward I feel sick which probably has more to do with nerves than anything else. . My brain is a wasteland anymore so much so that the other day I was thinking if I did die I hoped I wouldn't be cold I hate being cold.. How stupid is that!!

    I even feel bad about posting this because I know there are people much worse off than I am I can only hope we all make it to see a day where threads like this are no longer needed ..
    Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. .(John Wayne)

  2. #2
    Hey - I am sorry you are not finding relief. Hey, if you are suicidal will you tell someone. It sounds that way from this post and a few others you have done recently Cowboy's Place. Please share that if that is the case. If it isn't, sorry I raised the issue...

    Maybe there will be improvements in pain control in our lifetime. I am personally just trying to get through each day somehow.

  3. #3
    Senior Member StevieP's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Winter Park / Fraser, CO
    I know the pain brother, I feel it every day and when it gets real bad I have to use medical pot it is the only thing that really takes it away for me but unfortunately I can't work stoned so I only do it at night before going to bed. It took me a while to even try it. I had stopped when I became a christian at the age of 22 now at 56 I have started again and it took me about 8 years to finally try it, I don't know why I waited so long to try it, it is so much better then taking medications that are made from chemicals rather then growing from the ground. Give it a try if you can. Is it legal in California? It is legal here in Colorado. I am going to try it in a lollipop form that I just got to see if I can control the amount and find the balance between pain and function.

    Hope the colostomy is making your life easier and my offer is always open to talk on phone anytime about anything. PM me it you do not have my phone number.

    Stevie P

  4. #4


    hurts to read this. I understand, not that it brings any relief. Do you have someone to talk to? Pm me i will chat. The search for any relief is elusive i know, but it also takes time. Plesae reach out to someone.

    There is no worse than all one can endure, this is not a contest be easy with yourself.


    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  5. #5
    Cowboy is a tough mother. If he is bitching then shit is real. Alot of us are on the wrong side of well these days. Pray if you pray, curse if you curse, take a bit more of this, drink a bit more of that. Smoke, toke, rant rave. Do what it takes to get through the bad patches. We live on a cliff folks, most cannot even fathom our struggles. That makes you all warriors in your own right. Fight it, fuck the pain, ignore the voices.

  6. #6
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    This had better be the year for those in pain to get relief. I hope.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  7. #7
    I hope so too. I can't wait to get back to SF, the cold in Minnesota is killing me.

  8. #8
    Cowboy, just a thought after reading that you're feeling sick after eating, are you sure that your not blocked up? Which for me also makes my CP worse. It just sounds a bit like it to me and I thought it was worth mentioning just in case. When my pain is bad I sometimes let things like that get away from me. If you think it's possible, but you can't tell, you can have an x-ray.

    All that works for me is the fentanyl patches, but I had to get approval to replace the patch (100mg) every 2nd day, as there was no relief on the third day. Goodluck, hang in there.

    "Wheelie Wanna Walk!"

  9. #9
    Senior Member Cowboys_Place's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Northern California
    I knew I could count on my SCI brothers and sisters to give me encouraging words and I thank each and everyone of you from the bottom of a heart. I spent some time Thursday night in tears telling my mother didn't want to go on living.
    After an hour or so of her explaining why my various ways of ending things wouldn't be easy or good it basically came down to it would break her heart..

    I spent yesterday trying to figure out how I was going to crawl out of this hole.. I still don't have any answers I can only hope things start to get better real soon!!

    I called the pain clinic I've been going to for the last two months to let them know the fentanyl patches aren't doing anything except making my mouth extremely dry and harder to breathe when I'm laying down.. weird huh
    They informed me the Dr. Was on vacation and wouldn't be back until Wednesday. .

    Geoman, I don't think I'm backed up I had colostomy surgery back in September and output seems pretty consistent I will keep that in mind.. I'm also scheduled to go in this Friday for an ultrasound on my kidneys and bladder. .

    Again thank you all for the encouraging words hopefully I will start too see some light at the end of the tunnel
    Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway. .(John Wayne)

  10. #10
    Senior Member Evonne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Central California/ (the Republican side :)

    I feel your pain. Times like this my father would tell me to "cowboy up". I know, I know easier said than done but you seem to have such GREAT support from your Mom. I used to be on fentynal patch 50 for my nerve pain but it made me act spacey so I had to get off of it.

    I hope you find relief soon, I just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and wishing you the very best. Hang in there.

    I have a spinal cord injury...a spinal cord injury DOES NOT have me!

    walking quad-Central Cord Syndrome

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