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Thread: so i should be in a "facility"

  1. #1

    so i should be in a "facility"

    my son's grandma wrote and said she wished i was in a facility with the best of care. WTF? i worked, raised my son and now i should be in a facility?? talk about insulting, depressing, ignorant...i still can't believe it.

  2. #2
    Depends on who's footing the bill. How about the Waldorf in the Bahama's or Marilago- Trumps estate in Fl? I keep looking for an assisted living place where someone will get me tools while I am under my Jeep. Or hold the fire extinguisher while I weld.

  3. #3
    Been there, heard that. Sorry you had to!

  4. #4
    Senior Member
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    Take it from the source. Is hse super old? Maybe senile?

    My grandpa once announced to the family, "now there's two cripples in the family". Thanks, Grandpa. That felt great.

    That was pretty early in my SCI life, so it did hurt, but considering the source, it wasn't a huge deal.

    Cass, I hope you're just frustrated with what was said, and not deeply hurt.
    Rollin' since '89. Complete C8

  5. #5
    Senior Member elarson's Avatar
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    Maybe you should write something back like "sorry to hear about your dementia. Hope you can find a good facility too."
    Partner of an incredible stroke survivor. Limitations: hemiparesis and neglect (functional paralysis and complete lack of awareness on one side). Equipment: TiLite ZRA 2 and 2GX, Spinergy ZX-1, RioMobility Firefly. Knowledge: relative newbie for high-level equipment (2012), but willing to try to help others who are new with similar limitations (definitely not a guru, but inquisitive).

  6. #6
    Senior Member brucec's Avatar
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    maybe should just ask her why she said that and listen to her concerns
    We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
    Ronald Reagan

  7. #7
    I have heard the same. It is ludicrous.

    Disabled does not mean incapable. Other individuals cannot fathom living in these bodies, much less have any semblance of being independent in them.

    Consider the source and the ignorance of the source. You cannot control what others say or think, only how you live your life. Don't let such a woman take up space in that fabulous brain of yours.

  8. #8
    Senior Member elarson's Avatar
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    I think you would have a point if for any reason Cass was not able to care for his child (the grandchild), but it sounds like he already raised him successfully. This sounds to me like someone butting their nose in where it does not belong. Those type of "well meaning" but ultimately manipulative people don't deserve to be listened to, because they usually don't listen themselves, or they would know that it was inappropriate to say something like this. They also usually do not relent, and its the same old story all the time. Personally, I would not waste much effort on her, and get her off my radar screen as soon as possible.

    Quote Originally Posted by brucec View Post
    maybe should just ask her why she said that and listen to her concerns
    Partner of an incredible stroke survivor. Limitations: hemiparesis and neglect (functional paralysis and complete lack of awareness on one side). Equipment: TiLite ZRA 2 and 2GX, Spinergy ZX-1, RioMobility Firefly. Knowledge: relative newbie for high-level equipment (2012), but willing to try to help others who are new with similar limitations (definitely not a guru, but inquisitive).

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by brucec View Post
    maybe should just ask her why she said that and listen to her concerns
    I agree! Give her an opportunity to explain her unsolicited comments.

  10. #10
    Senior Member willingtocope's Avatar
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    I don't know how often you see this person, and I don't know what physical challenges you face...all I can offer is my own personal experience.

    Because of their busy schedules (3 kids, school, soccer, jobs), and the fact that my wife and lived 75 miles away, I hadn't seen my son and his wife for 6 or 8 months. I've got MS and my wife lost the ability to help me at all. We managed one meal a day, but it was seldom "balanced".

    When we did finally get together at the end of the summer, my daughter-in-law said "my god, you've lost weight!". The people that saw me every day didn't notice the gradual change, but my DIL was right...I'd dropped 70 pounds!

    She put us in touch with a service here in Iowa called "A Place for Mom" that helped us find a new place to live. Its not a "facility"...its a 3-tiered managed community, where maintainence and meals, and all the day to day hassles are taken care of.

    My wife passed away before we could move, but I'm here myself now. I'm in "independent living"...my own apartment...meals delivered to the room...nurses on call if I need them. This same building also has "assisted living" for those people who need more care...and there is a nursing home wing for those can't manage at all by themselves.

    My point is...maybe this person actually realizes that you've deterioated to the point that you could use some help...she just stated it badly.

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