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Thread: Time frame

  1. #11
    Senior Member Stormycoon's Avatar
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    thnxs all 4 the feedback.. im trying to hang in there, youre support definately helps.. i could add all the drama, pros and cons but were all so informed of what they are, some worse/better... my worst one is im an 'anchor on the boat' listening in on conversations..both folks r retired. i was out on my own with a girl n her daughter but financial/ vehicle probs messed it up, ma said its time to back to the house... shes literally the 'warden' round here, dad has no say, and to him im an anchor.. ive recieved subliminal messages of 'just die, 'die' kill yourself from them, like "wtf" so he can have his space..obviously others have folks with similar attributes.. hes highly stressed Ptsd from vietnam, alchoholic, but functional and when ma wants to go away she does and hes stukk to my care, which obviously weighs on him immensly.. just pawns the 'cripple off on me'' is what ive heard.. its like i have to build an invisible forcefield around me to deflect the negative energies bombarding me from him...and his bar is right in my room always messed me up as a kid now i have to continue witnessing the ugliness of it all the time.. albeit he does care and steps up to it but i dont like being a burden, who does?? hes reaching his end and i want to give him his freedom from it..i know no1 has a direct answer..
    just try n let it ride..
    I am not your rolling wheels
    I am the highway
    I am not your carpet ride
    I am the sky
    I am not your blowing wind
    I am the lightning
    I am not your autumn moon
    I am the night, the night..

  2. #12
    I think obviously improving your living situation and getting out of such a toxic environment would help you want to live again. How many hrs of care do you need a day? Could you live on your own mostly with care in the morning and night? What's it like finding decent caregivers in your area? Maybe you could get an apt using a voucher from HUD and use caregivers or even have a live-in one?
    Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyways--Mary Kay Ash

  3. #13
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Alcoholics will suck the life right out of you. Don't end it based on someone else's behaviour. #EasierSaidThenDoneIKnow
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  4. #14
    You're right Lynnifer, things are always easier said than done....but it does'nt make them impossible. I don't know what agencies can give you help, but I know they are out there. It does sound like having your own place would be a good solution. Maybe others would know where to start looking for some help. And she's right about alcoholics.....they will drain the life right out of you. I'm sorry he has problems.....but you are'nt the cause of them. Good luck.

  5. #15
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    If you can access 'Co-dependent No More' by Melody Beattie online, it will give you a completely new perspective on your father and HIS problems.

    I don't envy you ... living with an addict is like Hell on Earth. You're not the problem here.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  6. #16
    Senior Member Stormycoon's Avatar
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    TY all..
    Last edited by Stormycoon; 07-01-2012 at 10:35 PM.
    I am not your rolling wheels
    I am the highway
    I am not your carpet ride
    I am the sky
    I am not your blowing wind
    I am the lightning
    I am not your autumn moon
    I am the night, the night..

  7. #17
    Super Moderator Sue Pendleton's Avatar
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    Disasterversaries slay me too.

    I am my Dad's anchor. I don't weigh him down. Just knowing I am still here gives him a beacon, family, love. I wish your family could be that for you. But sometimes you have to create a new family. It's scarey but so was your first date ever, right? Hit up the nearest Independent Living Center to your home and call them. And think about where you want to live and..maybe work parttime. Figure out who will really stop by and visit or want to go to a movie when you call in your current location. If you have had a dream place it is time to maybe think about moving there. You did it once before as an AB, right? And again disabled? Mere practice. Time to launch.
    Forget the past and enjoy the fireworks this year, carefully.
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

    Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

  8. #18
    Senior Member brian's Avatar
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    I've been thinking for a few days about whether to say this or not...

    First, unless you are in a considerable amount of pain and all other options have been exhausted, I don't believe that suicide is a solution. I think suicide is for those who are in an unbearable physical situation.

    Second, get out of that house. Get out of that house. Get out of that house. Get out of that house. Get out of that house. Get out of that house. You've got to find a supportive environment. There's got to be somewhere you can go to get advice about living in a different place. Go to your city/county/state social services office. Get a social worker to help. I'm sure there are programs to help you get out of that house.

    Finally, (and I do not think you should do this) if you do choose to end your life have some respect for the living - don't leave a mess. Don't blow your brains out all over your kitchen. Don't jump into a river to never be found. Don't have a loved one discover your rotting corpse. I'm sure there are ways to end it that are clean, quick, and effective. Give your family and friends closure and an opportunity to mourn. And make sure you're discovered in time so that your organs are donatable. Even if you can't go on you can ensure that others can.

    Again, I hope that you don't. I'm t4 going on 19 years now and I constantly find more reasons I'm glad I survived.

  9. #19
    Senior Member mr_coffee's Avatar
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    I think time frames are a great thing to do for yourself but I also believe in extending that time frame. Everyone is different but I got out of my depression with a 3 year time frame. The whole point of the time frame is to give it your ALL. Don't sit around in that time frame and expect it to get better. Do things you wouldn't do if you knew you were going to die in X amount of years. That's how you grow and get out of your funk.

    Also you need support, tell family and friends. You need support to get out of real depression but in the end its you making the choice. All I can say is I'm so happy I didn't end it after the time frame was over. Life is out there.

    One last tip, when you start this time frame pretend you are starting a new life. Pretend you were born with your disability, the pain, the penis not working, the fingering of your own ass to shit, the UTIs, the lack of sleep, the judging, all of this is normal and go on with your life as if it was second nature to you.

    Goodluck
    Injured:10-16-04
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  10. #20
    Senior Member Stormycoon's Avatar
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    I was also pondering this in the same area of a so called back up plan.. not sure how much or diversity of news every1 reads but figuring the economy is going to shyt, the electricity, water, so forth goes, course everyones dependant on all these but us disabled would b screwed. no meds, heat, cooling, bed pumps, charge our chairs, food... slowly wryth in pain and suffer.. just a thought.. i mean everything would b launched into chaos nationwide, it'd b reasonable to go out instead of slowly awaiiting it...no1 really talks bout the extremes facing us in reality in the political forums.. this is doom and gloom talk but definately in the happs..

    Thnxs Cory, good outlook mate
    I am not your rolling wheels
    I am the highway
    I am not your carpet ride
    I am the sky
    I am not your blowing wind
    I am the lightning
    I am not your autumn moon
    I am the night, the night..

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