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Thread: "You're a beautiful person."

  1. #21
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
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    It would never occur to me when I'm out with chad when someone calls me a beautiful lady that they are a lesbian hitting on me ... good grief.

    Eileen is one of the loveliest people I've met - and I've met her in person. She has no chip at all.

    Down boy.
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by zillazangel View Post
    It would never occur to me when I'm out with chad when someone calls me a beautiful lady that they are a lesbian hitting on me ... good grief. ....

    In my more ab days, I seemed to register high on the radar of gay women and married men (thus I am still single). You can tell.

  3. #23
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
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    I do get 'you are a beautiful lady' when I am not with chad and it is meant exactly as a hit on line. When said when I'm with him it's meant just as the one Eileen refers to. There's a major diffenence in tone.
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  4. #24
    it is usually the older people that make these types of comments. I was a guest lecturer to a law school and discussed these types of comments as well as other.

  5. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by Random View Post
    I have to admit surprise at all this brouhaha. Eileen related a funny story about the way people sometimes treat us in the world, which I think she just laughed off with grace. I have total faith that being there personally she interpreted me situation better than I could secondhand, and I'm inclined just to laugh along with her.
    Ditto

  6. #26
    Quote Originally Posted by Sebastiang View Post
    it is usually the older people that make these types of comments. I was a guest lecturer to a law school and discussed these types of comments as well as other.
    Exactly, so you were right Eileen to just laugh it off and not let it bother you. For some reason i assumed it was a younger woman, not really sure why. I have a lot similiar comments, especially when I'm in Florida. I think why this is so is due to the fact that many years ago severly disabled people as us did not go out much and were not really seen in public, so this woman was apparently thinking it was a major chore for your friend to be taking you out and it was all your friends doing why you were even out in public.

    Soooo, you were right in not starting any controversy as it would not have made any difference. When people are older they get so set in their ways they are never gonna change no matter what is said. But I still stand behind what I said if it was a younger person. I totally confront people these days if not elderly and they make a demeaning comment.
    Last edited by Curt Leatherbee; 06-23-2012 at 11:09 PM.
    "Life is about how you
    respond to not only the
    challenges you're dealt but
    the challenges you seek...If
    you have no goals, no
    mountains to climb, your
    soul dies".~Liz Fordred

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scorpion View Post
    I'm not angry with anyone or trying to be mean. And I'm all for venting, but I'm also for giving the average able-bodied person the benefit of the doubt. I occasionally like to counters the typical "yeah! stupid ABs!" as I have in this thread, and I wasn't coming at anyone with knives, despite Eileen's hyperbolic response to me; I don't believe I made her "feel like shit", which is why I said she was the consumate victim, acting as if I hurt huer feelings simply because I took issue with the assumptions she made about this woman and how she apparently wanted people to respond to this thread. Besides, Eileen herself said she just wanted to pass on a funny story, not that she needed to vent, so there was no indication that one should walk on eggshells in this thread.

    Sorry, this thread has been more about laughing at the ignorance of someone, as if to gloat and take glee in it, than it has been about laughing off that ignorance, ignorance we all face. There's a distinction between those two things, and I've already explained why I think we should all be careful about how we judge people in these kinds of situations. Curt made good points about how he likes to deal with that ignorance as well.
    You know Scorp, first of all you tell me that what I witnessed is skewed. You fail to grasp that I was trying to share some humor and little more, turning it into some sort of diatribe about people who say all "stupid AB's" in their posts, failing to note that the friend with whom I shared the laughter is an AB, as are most of my friends. Then you have the temerity to tell those reading that when I said you made me feel like crap I was not telling the truth. Well, let's set the record straight, assuming you will allow me to speak for myself instead of interpreting what I have already stated clearly. You DID make me feel like crap. Please do not drag out the old chestnut that everyone uses in these moments, telling me it is "just the internet and I should get a life." I always had respected you, and so your interpretation of my little tale did hurt my feelings, and I still have no clue why you came at me the way that you did. I am sure that AB people everywhere will sleep better tonight though knowing that you have their backs, and that those of us with "chips on our shoulders" will be reprimanded by you if we mention a bit of AB insensitivity, even if said lightly and with no large smear of the entire population. I told my tale. It was you who decided that I somehow had it wrong, questioning if I knew what I was talking about. Even when I said that her comment was overly sweet, dripping with syrup-like fervor, you still chose to think I had it all wrong. When I mentioned my years of dealing with this sort of thing you took it as a personal affront and assumed I somehow gave no credence to your years in a chair. When I tried to correct that you chose to say I wanted to be the ultimate victim. Do not now pretend that my response was "hyperbole" because it was not. It was a legitimate and measured response to your misinterpretation. It is absurd that I couldn't post a story about something that happened to ME and which I found humorous without your feeling the need to berate me, assume I have a chip on my shoulder, and to be just plain mean. To defend yourself you repeated what I had said, which is that I just wanted to pass on a funny story, which begs the question even more why you felt the need to attack, but I will leave that to you because clearly nothing I write you accept at face value.

    To those of you who wrote supportive things about me, I thank you. There are three C's in the title of this group, and without some of you I would have a difficult time believing that there really was any sense of "community" here.
    Last edited by Eileen; 06-23-2012 at 11:59 PM.

  8. #28
    Senior Member Scorpion's Avatar
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    Eileen, you're wrong on so many levels, but I've no desire to argue with you, nor do I care to try and change your mind.

    If you look honestly at your second post in this thread, you'll see that your response to those who had commented (cryptic, Curt, and me) was filled with ire, contempt, and defensiveness, as if you couldn't believe that anyone dared question you. I responded with snark, but I stand by all my words in this thread.

    Your subsequent posts speak for themselves.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by Scorpion View Post
    Eileen, you're wrong on so many levels, but I've no desire to argue with you, nor do I care to try and change your mind.

    If you look honestly at your second post in this thread, you'll see that your response to those who had commented (cryptic, Curt, and me) was filled with ire, contempt, and defensiveness, as if you couldn't believe that anyone dared question you. I responded with snark, but I stand by all my words in this thread.

    Your subsequent posts speak for themselves.
    I have no desire to argue with you either, and I assure you I felt no "ire, contempt, or defensiveness." I was merely trying to answer why I did not respond to the woman, and trying to make it clear that I can tell when I am being marginalized, as can we all.
    The great irony to me in all this is that had I chosen to speak to this woman, to let her know my friend and I have known each other a long time and that we deal with whatever needs to be dealt with (on both sides) because that is the definition of friendship, she might well have understood. Had I mentioned that until just recently we were almost always in my van, doing our mutual errands while I drove, she would have had a clearer picture still that it was not some nice lady taking a cripple out for the afternoon. I find it terribly sad that an elderly woman who was totally AB would probably have "gotten it" and been able to re-frame what she reflexively has come to believe about the severely disabled, when you can't even entertain the idea that perhaps I actually knew what I was talking about in my OWN experience. A bigger man might have actually apologized to me for taking a harmless post and skewering me for no reason, but by all means, stick to your position, but don't for one moment pretend that you didn't invalidate my experience with this woman, invalidate my reaction to this experience, and then invalidate the reality that you hurt my feelings badly. There are many meaning to the word invalid, and you just proved to me that the one having to do with mobility impairment is the smaller one by far.

  10. #30
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    I think this whole thread speaks for itself. And if I were Eileen I'd feel a little perplexed but otherwise just fine.

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