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Thread: Shedding Tears

  1. #1

    Shedding Tears

    I grew up in the '50 and '60's where "Men" didn't shed tears. Now after being injured, I find it even more difficult to feel emotions (sorrow) and to show it. I thought I had a mental problem (my wife still thinks so!) because I felt heartless. When my mother-in-law (41) and my sister-in-law died (22), I didn't shed a tear. When my Mother died in 1992, I was the same way. My 3 brothers were openly weeping but I didn't shed a tear. It was the same way when my Dad died in 2000. The only time I have felt any real pain from death was when my Miniature Schnauser, Nipper died. It was in 2001 and it was horrible. I could hardly function for several weeks and still have a hard time talking about it.

    I read on this forum about faded affect. I think I am more blunted affect. Does anyone else on here have any similar problems showing emotions ? (Heck, I just might be goofy like my wife says. ) Has anyone else learned to hide emotions?


    ''Life's tough... it's even tougher if you're stupid!'' -- John Wayne

  2. #2
    It's a coping mechanism. We're pros.
    Get involved in politics as if your life depended on it, because it does. -- Justin Dart

    I shall not tolerate ignorance or hate speech on this site.

  3. #3
    Don't take this the wrong way but are you on the autism spectrum?

  4. #4
    Hi Patton57,

    I don't mind you asking questions and I wasn't like this until my injury. I have no explanation. It seems that part of my personality died when I broke my neck.

    Thanks for the replies.
    ''Life's tough... it's even tougher if you're stupid!'' -- John Wayne

  5. #5
    I feel a bit like that too. Cried for a year at first, maybe cried myself out. Now I get emotional over the most ridiculous things, while I feel mostly dead about the more important aspects of my life.

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Rochester, NY
    i know how you feel. emotions, especially negative ones, just do not register with me until it is at some extreme, like anger. even if people are sad around me it's no different than if i had just commented that they are wearing an x colored shirt. i also have to really really try to be empathetic. and most times i'm too tired/dont care to really try to be. went to counseling for it for like 3 years and no changes. working with inner city kids has helped some but yea.

    it's hard for people to understand that no, i truly to do not comprehend emotions very well. it used to be a struggle and frustrating but not so much now. ppl deal with it or they dont lol my friends have been helpful and i have grown from them but they also do not hold it against me when i am a jerk and don't realize it nor do they get angry at me for it. so surround yourself with ppl who are safe like that. and don't sweat it. nothing is wrong with you.
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"

  7. #7
    Senior Member Mona~on~wheels's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Cleburne, Texas, USA
    I've talked about the same thing. I don't cry hardly at all. In fact I've had to make myself cry at appropriate times I should be crying!
    I thought my medicine might have dried me up. I know I have no saliva. I have to chew gum & drink constantly. The one death I did cry was just for a minute. But I do care. It's weird.

  8. #8
    I can relate completely. I grew up in a family where showing emotions was practically forbidden, and never shed tears even as a young girl. The only times my grief would manifest itself (and even then not in the form of tears), were, like you, when a beloved pet died. For me, my pets were my true family. After incurring my spinal cord injury, when the doctor told me I would never walk again, I simply said, "Ok," and that was the end of it. When my mother came to visit me in the hospital and I had the audacity to become frustrated, I suddenly felt, for the first time in many years, tears well up in my eyes. My mother's response was not to comfort me, but to instead say, "What are you getting upset about? You did this to yourself." I have dealt with chronic depression since childhood, and having a flat affect is a classic symptom. Could it be that you have been dealing with underlying depression for some time? Not crying in situations where others might expect you to does not make you heartless or cold. It could simply mean that you are better at putting things into perspective, or that you have developed other mechanisms for dealing with life's challenges. I personally view death as a necessary, healthy component of life's circle, and am not upset by it. For things that do bother me, such as the havoc our species is wreaking on the planet, I take a moment to look at the bigger picture. For me, studying the night sky puts everything beautifully into place and lifts, if even for the most fleeting of moments, the weight of the world off my shoulders. We are individuals with unique life experiences and ways of viewing the world. Do not cram yourself into that tiny little "normal" box simply to make others feel more comfortable. You are who you are, and there's nothing wrong with that.
    Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. - Carl Sagan

    How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. - Anne Frank

  9. #9
    Since my husband's SCI I have seldom cried when there has been much to cry about.
    When he was in ICU and his heart stopped my two sisters and I went into a small room and sobbed and sobbed because things were so dire and we were exhausted.
    Another time during a deadly pneumonia hospitalization a doctor did not seem to think I understood when he told me "things could go either way" because I did not burst out in tears-his words.
    I was heartbroken, but no tears.

    Since then my lack of emotion over some of the things that have happened are puzzling and even a bit disturbing at times.
    This week when I heard about zoo animals drowning in Duluth I cried for them.
    Emotions are as unique and individual as we are.

    I enjoyed your post Ptarzan80.

  10. #10
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Baltimore, MD
    I don't cry, I don't scream.

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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