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Thread: Are you tired when people go out of there way to open doors for you?

  1. #91
    Senior Member Foolish Old's Avatar
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    Doors? I have no trouble opening them. If need be, I can rip them off their hinges with either arm. It's not about what you can or can't do. It's not about other people seeing you as weak. It's about how strong you are in your self image.

    One of the most humbling experiences I ever had was brashly refusing an older women's help. "I don't need your help"; the young macho me told her. "That may be so, but did it ever occur to you that I might need to help someone?"; she replied. I felt like shit! Homemade shit!

    Since then, I always let little kids, old people and pregnant women help me. I sometimes let good looking women help me. Homeless people with the right aura also get to help.

    Everybody else will hear a cheery, "Thanks, I got it. But I really appreciate you asking, next time I might need some help." I say this even when I'm in a bad mood or in a hurry.

    Guys that pat me on the head get their ass pinched and a hearty, "thanks, muscles!"
    Foolish

    "We have met the enemy and he is us."-POGO.

    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it."~Edgar Allan Poe

    "Dream big, you might never wake up!"- Snoop Dogg

  2. #92
    Quote Originally Posted by hugheswf View Post
    47+years raises another interesting topic. I always try and go out of my way to give a courtesy nod or even a quick hello/how are you to any fellow crip I see out there. There is an awkwardness to it though. I would love to hear some thoughts from the community as to why this is the case.

    It is interesting! I've often wondered if it's because of a self esteem type issues. Kind of like "certain" women who see another woman and automatically snub her because her hair might be nicer or she might be more fit or something. I feel like other shorties give me a slight glance to see what I'm "rollin" and then give me the snub. I'm not looking to roll in packs of wheelies but it would be nice to get a smile or nod when I see another one of "us" in public. I don't give the stare down or anything but I always smile and give the nod. Maybe I'll ask the next rude bastard who snubs me from their chair!
    DFW TEXAS- T-10 since March 20th, 1994

  3. #93
    Senior Member Van Quad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Foolish Old View Post
    Doors? I have no trouble opening them. If need be, I can rip them off their hinges with either arm. It's not about what you can or can't do. It's not about other people seeing you as weak. It's about how strong you are in your self image.

    One of the most humbling experiences I ever had was brashly refusing an older women's help. "I don't need your help"; the young macho me told her. "That may be so, but did it ever occur to you that I might need to help someone?"; she replied. I felt like shit! Homemade shit!

    Since then, I always let little kids, old people and pregnant women help me. I sometimes let good looking women help me. Homeless people with the right aura also get to help.

    Everybody else will hear a cheery, "Thanks, I got it. But I really appreciate you asking, next time I might need some help." I say this even when I'm in a bad mood or in a hurry.

    Guys that pat me on the head get their ass pinched and a hearty, "thanks, muscles!"
    Great post. As usual

  4. #94
    Quote Originally Posted by christopher View Post
    No problem. In the future though, if you feel like getting a little lurid with your comments, we have a Relationships and Sexuality forum, where you can be a little more 'loose with the tongue', as they say.
    Thank you mr moderator for telling me the objective and rules of the R&S forum.

  5. #95
    Senior Member keps's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by crypticgimp View Post
    i once went to my chinese friend's house for dinner. my american friends were already there so literally 10 chinese guys come down the stairs to carry me up the two flights. well all 10 tried to lift me, only to get to the narrow staircase and realising they cant all fit.

    so there was much shouting and passing of the gimp between hands with me trying to shout in mandarin "only TWO people!!" (and me freaking out if i used the right number for two when referring to people and then scolding myself that that was NOT the time to be freaking out about proper grammar) and my friend shouting also in chinese, "DON'T DROP MY FRIEND!!" they finally plopped me very awkwardly onto a SUPER fluffy couch and i really had to struggle to sit up. it took me 5 min with EVERYONE watching and one guy decided to help by pulling my arm, making me lose my balance. meanwhile my brain is swearing because there really is no chinese equivalent to "DON'T!!" you have to go "no offense but it'd be really great, and i am not trying to be mean but could you please not touch my arm in such an aggressive manner?" which is really frakking hard to think of all the words while you are out of breath and heart is beating wildly from a near death experience from being carried up steep stairs by a group of well meaning, shouting strangers and simultaneously sinking awkwardly into the fluffy couch of DOOM and with a group of 20 people staring at you expectantly for you to get your fat ass into your damn chair.

    i finally did it and then shouted "go for it!" in chinese and everyone laughed and we ate dumplings until i got sick.
    10 Chinese guys lifting me in my chair is like one of my fantasies, lolz.

  6. #96
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    Quote Originally Posted by keps View Post
    10 Chinese guys lifting me in my chair is like one of my fantasies, lolz.
    lol mine too. sad that the reality was not as elegant and sexy as i had imagined!
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
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  7. #97
    I don't like it, but I still tell them thanks.

    The first couple of years after my injury I was thankful. I did not know how to manage the door and chair.

  8. #98
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Van Quad View Post
    wow indeed! This should be a thread on its own. In all my 33 years I've never understood this one. Coming from a motorcycle culture where salutes are the norm when passing on the highway (unless you're a Harley rider of course), it was confusing. Now I just launch a big hello and let them feel like assholes for not responding.
    I go out of my way to say hello to other wheelers, and we have ended up making a couple of good friends that way, particularly from sitting near one another at hockey games. I even go out of my way to say hello to a wheeler when I'm out in public alone (without my spouse-wheeler) and mention that my husband is a wheeler. Sometimes I get a f*ck you look, other times a friendly hello back.

    Unrelated: there is a Corvette waving culture I discovered - my dad owns a Corvette and every time I drive it, I get waved at by other Corvette drivers, so I've learned to wave pro-actively myself too!
    Wife of Chad (C4/5 since 1988), mom of a great teenager

  9. #99
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    Maybe I'm reading it wrong but I guess the way I look at it is for most people there is an element of If he can't open the door, then another person who to the majority can't either, even if they can. I used to get slightly miffed when someone used to open the door when it was blatantly obvious they were making the assumption I couldn't. Sometimes I still let my ego get in the way and get bent out of shape... Hopefully to most of those that have cracked my exterior, they didn't notice. I try to be gracious.

    I don't get why a person wouldn't just ask if I would like the help and let me decide if they can open the door for me, help me with getting the chair in the car or whatever. I've met quite a few where it was blatantly obvious that it's about stroking their ego, not giving genuine help.

    As for other DA peeps not able to make eye contact... I thought I was coming across as egotistical or something. Like I was coming across like Narcissi. But I know I'm not the most approachable person on the face of the planet... I do love my own company.

  10. #100
    Quote Originally Posted by Foolish Old View Post

    One of the most humbling experiences I ever had was brashly refusing an older women's help. "I don't need your help"; the young macho me told her. "That may be so, but did it ever occur to you that I might need to help someone?"; she replied. I felt like shit! Homemade shit!
    That is a great story and lesson. I never try and miss an opportunity to let someone help if they really want to. It could have nothing to do with opening a door or anything to do with my disability. Letting some help can be a gesture in itself and is part of what makes us a civilized society.
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