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Thread: Unbearable agony came close today

  1. #11
    Bill - I volunteered for 4 years at the suicide hotline answering phones. I wish you could volunteer answering and helping people like someone helped you when you called. I think that anyone here has been through so much that we would all be naturals at providing that compassion needed.

    It has been great for me and I just think you would be great at it. It was a segue to me developing my confidence to go back to work in a similar field - social security disability insurance - at least there is a similarity in the populations that are served. In Nevada, it is in a small call center with 3 desks, a couch, a staff member and an incredible education of 80 hours you have to do before you can answer the phones and it goes over the science and art of suicidology and provides an algorithm (Assist Training) of what to do on the phone which helps with our personal view of the whole subject and provides a great framework that people of all educations can understand.
    It would be a great thing for you to look into. I did it with my wife, and we would do a 4 hour shift once a week. Something I think you would be incredible at.........
    Anywaays, hang in there. Many people count on your self preservation and you owe to them.

  2. #12

    get outside
    don't think about any of this at nighttime

  3. #13

    Hang in there Bill,

    Mr. Bill , I am so sorry for your pain my friend, like all of us on here it tears at my heart to hear your pain. I have been there a lot of us have. I am compelled to tell you my story, I hope it helps some. Like you my pain was unbearable and would keep me up for days. The pain meds, spinal blocks, tens units, acupuncture nothing helped. I was at my wits end, contemplated suicide on many occasions. I hit the point of return one night , and attempted suicide. That was the lowest point in my life ever even worse than becoming paralyzed. I was in the hospital for two weeks healing from my self inflicted gun shot wound. I have to tell you, that was the most selfish, shamefull, and painfull thing I have ever done to myself, but most importantly to my family and those who loved me. My own little daughter had to call 911 for me, I was trying to kill the pain with alcohol that night and could not rationalize and early in the am. I made that attempt. That was over 12 years ago, since then I have experienced so many great times, that i would have messed if I wasn't around. My daughters marriages my grandkids my new wife. everything. I thank God for the second chance on life. The only way i got rid of the chronic pain, was keeping busy not focusing, forcing myself to work thru the pain with keeping my mnd busy. I know it may sound crazy, but i somehow was able to dull the pain to where it only affedts me 2 times a week or so. I will pray for you my friend and I really feel for you. I hope my story wasn't to over powering. I had to share, take care Mr. bill . Nick Mireles

  4. #14
    Senior Member grommet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Anxiety makes pain worse, I know this personally. Try to think of something else for even a moment while you are having your pain. Just make a moment of thought about something else happen. Try again a few minutes later. At some point you may not realize that you are thinking about something else and it's been more than a few seconds, it almost happened on it's own. I've never been able to stop the pain with my attitude, but getting through it by thinking less about it has helped.

    I don't know your kind of pain. I don't know what can be done and I really really hope for some relief for you, for just a moment. I know what it's like when you get a moment when it doesn't hurt so much and it's like heaven, like life renewed. I pray you get a moment like that. I also hope that there is a medical solution that just hasn't been found for you yet but will come. I am very sorry you feel so bad. Please don't feel bad about yourself because you are in pain. It's not your fault. Hang in there as much as you can.

  5. #15
    Senior Member anban's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Gold Beach, Oregon
    Oh Bill...Ket...
    I think of you often. I know the pain has isolated you, but you are so not alone.

  6. #16
    Senior Member grommet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Quote Originally Posted by anban View Post
    Oh Bill...Ket...
    I think of you often. I know the pain has isolated you, but you are so not alone.
    Thank you for saying that, I think that's what I've always needed to know when it's bad for me.

  7. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by bollefen View Post
    a number of months now. seeing some new docs, nothing yet.

    So tired sooo much pain.

    almost punched my ticket, actually called a suicide hot line, obviously worked.

    MUST make it to next Feb, but don't know how. an hourly battle.

    usually puke up what I eat, can't sleep.

    hopeless lost and fading

    all that I am is all gone, selling giving everything away, i have become a ghost of myself.

    I hope that you keep checking in with the hotline if you need to. I hope you know that as many people have said we are all here to support you and you are not alone. Keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for some relief for you and continued hope.
    ACDF C5/C6, C6/C7 9/2011& Central Cord Syndrome

  8. #18
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Man, I feel for you and hope you can have some time of feeling better.

  9. #19
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Baltimore, MD
    I understand. It really sucks. My attitude doesn't help.

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  10. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by alan View Post
    I understand. It really sucks. My attitude doesn't help.
    alan, all of us in this pain have attitude. that's why it's so good to have this place to come to and vent, share, cry. nobody else understands. even when i lash out here, like i did at spammers, i know at least one person understood and i bet most did. pain has its own voice. the words will fly out of me but i am ashamed, sometimes, to read them later. i am in tears when i lash out at my son. it is very hard to silence a voice that keeps screaming in one's head and, frankly, i don't think it healthy (or realistic) to do so.

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