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Thread: does this kind of thing make you mad?

  1. #11
    Kate, you weren't expecting to hear rationale from the pulpit, were you?

  2. #12
    Did it bug your husband? I find that friends and family tend to get more worked up about stuff than I do. The other day I was rolling down the hall and our 400 pound, black belt in akido IT guy asks me if I am going to lunch. I tell him no, some asshat is in the handicapped stall and I am going to go down one floor to find an open stall to take a piss. I roll about ten more feet before I realize I need to turn around immediately and go stop Mike from pulling the guy of of the stall and threatening him with large amounts of pain. It is nice to have people on your side, but I can fight my own fights.

  3. #13
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Thx for replies, all of ya. I agree with everything you've said. I like this minister, and I know she wasn't suggesting that prayer can heal paralysis or anything silly like that . . . but she was furthering a bunch of stupid ideas all at once. Like, all people in chairs care about is walking, for example.

    All 3 of us (me, Bruce and Heather) kind of flinched, and all 3 of us agreed later that it was offensive in the random way that any gratuitous stupidity is offensive. I was definitely more pissed than my husband was, to answer Tom's question, but I don't think that means I was pissed on his behalf.

    My life -- my marriage, my kids' lives, my house, the configuration of the rooms in my house, the kinds of family vacations I can take, the amount of savings I expect to retire on, the life expectancy of my spouse, the way I can and can't have sex -- my life has more than a passing, tangential relationship to paralysis. I was pissed on my behalf.

    I think -- to answer my own question -- that I'll say something to her. Like this, maybe:

    Yo, you know that story you told on Easter about the poor minister who freaked out when his prayer for a paralyzed guy seemed to work? Not that funny when you're sitting next to a paralyzed guy. Maybe you can dial it back in the future, possibly turn it into a story about somebody with a truly serious problem, like for example a person suffering from a bad case of ignorance . . .

    Ha ha, just kidding.

    Still too angry, right?

  4. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by kate View Post
    Thx for replies, all of ya. I agree with everything you've said. I like this minister, and I know she wasn't suggesting that prayer can heal paralysis or anything silly like that . . . but she was furthering a bunch of stupid ideas all at once. Like, all people in chairs care about is walking, for example.

    All 3 of us (me, Bruce and Heather) kind of flinched, and all 3 of us agreed later that it was offensive in the random way that any gratuitous stupidity is offensive. I was definitely more pissed than my husband was, to answer Tom's question, but I don't think that means I was pissed on his behalf.

    My life -- my marriage, my kids' lives, my house, the configuration of the rooms in my house, the kinds of family vacations I can take, the amount of savings I expect to retire on, the life expectancy of my spouse, the way I can and can't have sex -- my life has more than a passing, tangential relationship to paralysis. I was pissed on my behalf.

    I think -- to answer my own question -- that I'll say something to her. Like this, maybe:

    Yo, you know that story you told on Easter about the poor minister who freaked out when his prayer for a paralyzed guy seemed to work? Not that funny when you're sitting next to a paralyzed guy. Maybe you can dial it back in the future, possibly turn it into a story about somebody with a truly serious problem, like for example a person suffering from a bad case of ignorance . . .

    Ha ha, just kidding.

    Still too angry, right?

    This. But, your draft is much more ummm level than mine would be...
    My blog: Living Life at Butt Level

    Ignite Phoenix #9 - Wheelchairs and Wisdom: Living Life at Butt Level

    "I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

    Dawna Markova Author of Open Mind.

  5. #15
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    LOL! This is mostly the basis of why I don't involve myself in religion anymore. I guess Jesus didn't love me enough, lol.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  6. #16
    Kate's pastor relating her story sure reminds me of that Steve Martin movie 'Leap of Faith'.....

  7. #17
    I never thought I'd be bothered by stuff like that but it probably would have made me flinch, too. It's similar to a recent episode of Downton Abbey where one of the central characters, who was paralyzed in a war, rises from his chair and miraculously takes a few shaky steps. The reality of paralysis and the grinding process of recovery were so minimized that it put me in a twist.

    If it bothers you, say something, but wait until the rush of anger is over. I very much doubt that the minister meant any harm or any disrespect....just an unfortunate and uneducated comment.

  8. #18
    For me, since God is all knowing, he's the one that knew I was going to be in a chair and did nothing about it. Have the pastor explain that.

    I get so tired of this all loving all forgiving God bs, Damn look at the world, and he does nothing.

  9. #19
    Senior Member kate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patrick Madsen View Post

    I get so tired of this all loving all forgiving God bs, Damn look at the world, and he does nothing.
    Yup. I've never been able to reconcile the all-loving creator thing with the facts on the ground. Not for one second.

    And yet our friends never looked away when we needed them. I think the only real definition of God is the thing that happens when people are looking out for each other. To my mind, it's enough . . . I think that our evolutionary history leaves us wanting to be part of a tribe, for company and protection and support. And I think that our narrative-making brains will deal up a whole load of bs about what It All Means.

    My own plan is, I'll show up and bring the meaning myself, no God required. The problem is really that I don't know where else you get to be part of tribe besides church today. If there were a better option, I'd probably take it. We've spent 26 years with these folks, raised our kids with theirs, traveled with them, helped them bury their loved ones, eaten about a thousand meals together, depended on them when we were smashed like bugs. It's not about glory in the afterlife for me at all.

    This minister is new. She wasn't around for our particular crisis, and I'm shre she's reeling trying to get her brain around 400 strangers and all their various demands on her time. I'm inclined to cut her slack, now that I'm not quite so ticked, but she'll hear from me, mmm hmmm.

    Also, @truly -- gahhh, that stupid Downton Abbey story line just about did me in. (pounds head on desk)

  10. #20
    Amen Kate. I agree tribal instinct... I'm sure it's tough being a pastor, esp. a new one. Glad she'll hear from you.

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