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Thread: Is it anybody's business

  1. #11
    IMO, having been ask a million times.
    People remind me of a troop of monkeys. If something happens to one, the others are instinctually curious so they can avoid it happening to them. Nothing personal and without thought. All members want to stay safe. We are just monkeys without fur.

  2. #12
    Senior Member djrolling's Avatar
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    If you do not like people asking just tell them you could tell them but then you would have to kill them or just tell them it is on a need to know basis and they do not need to know... Have some fun with it, most of the time it does not bother me but there are times it does and that usually involves context or sometimes just how and when a person does it.

  3. #13
    Senior Member anban's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by orangejello View Post
    This is exactly how I feel. I would rather somebody come out and ask me rather than have to endure awkward and uncomfortable silence. I don't look at health care professionals any differently than other people who ask. I get that people are curious. I don't necessarily enjoy talking about it, especially if I am not feeling well or tired or whatever. But I find being evasive, even politely evasive, doesn't really help the situation. Whether it is anybody's business or not, people are going to ask so I just make the best of it and answer in general terms and try and move the conversation forward and hopefully away from me. Sometimes it works, sometimes it just invites more questions. If the questions are really inappropriate, which I find doesn't really happen, then I reply that I would rather not talk about it. But that is rare.
    I agree. But I am also fairly outgoing and have never been concerned about my privacy. That said, I'd never ask someone "the question" because I know it really bothers people. I also find talking about it almost always eradicates the pity response that actually does upset me.

  4. #14
    You remind me of some English friends of mine who react badly towards Americans who say "gee nice accent, where's it from...?" followed with "England huh? I knew someone from Belgium once, called Pete....".

    It's an excuse to talk. Its an excuse to connect. It's a bridge from them to you where you can meet in the middle, smile, hold hands and realize that we are not so different. You don't judge the quality of the bridge; just appreciate that another human being built that bridge over to where you are.

    IF you prefer to stay on your little island, then that is fine too. Just be polite about it. Because I don't want that same person to avoid building a little bridge over to meet me the next time.
    There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.

  5. #15
    What irks me is when people I barely know ask if we have a sex life.
    It is none of their business.
    Dave likes it when people ask about his chair and he freely chats about what happened because that is the kind of guy he is.
    Everyone feels different.I don't think it has to do with people over 50(?).
    I'm curious when I see other people in chairs, but unless the conversation grew more friendly I'd never dream of asking what happened.
    And yes, I would expect being in a clinic where there are privacy rules to not want employees to ask someone coming in for a routine outpatient procedure that has nothing to do with the injury to refrain from asking.

  6. #16
    My original question has morphed into the more global discussion of making friends, connecting with people, and human nature.

    I rarely get the question, "How were you injured?" or "Why are you in the chair?" from anyone else. My banker, my lawyer, my barber, my insurance broker, my next door neighbors, the pharmacist, the waiter at dinner, the guy who cleaned my carpets, my mechanic, the guy behind me in line, the minister at church.....none of these people have asked. But, nurses, receptionists at doctor's offices, medical technicians, and even some doctors frequently ask. Medical professionals don't seem to respect the boundaries in society. I don't think a medical professional would ask how much money I make a year, or who I voted for in the last election or what religion I am as a way to start a conversation, build a human connection, or prevent awkwardness. When they are setting up an IV, what do they ask and talk about with a person who doesn't have disability?

    I am not rude to these people, just not encouraging of their curiosity. I think a voice inside of me is saying, "Can we just get on with the usual small talk and the reason why I am lying on this uncomfortable bed freezing to death in this imaging department?"

    All the best,
    GJ

  7. #17
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
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    I'm with OJ and TexasWheelz on this one.
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  8. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by LindaT View Post
    What irks me is when people I barely know ask if we have a sex life.
    It is none of their business.
    Dave likes it when people ask about his chair and he freely chats about what happened because that is the kind of guy he is.
    Everyone feels different.I don't think it has to do with people over 50(?).
    I'm curious when I see other people in chairs, but unless the conversation grew more friendly I'd never dream of asking what happened.
    And yes, I would expect being in a clinic where there are privacy rules to not want employees to ask someone coming in for a routine outpatient procedure that has nothing to do with the injury to refrain from asking.
    Your right Linda. There is HIPAA (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act), the privacy act about which any health care professional should be respectful.

    All the best,
    GJ

  9. #19
    [QUOTE=gjnl;1514967]
    I rarely get the question, "How were you injured?" or "Why are you in the chair?" from anyone else. My banker, my lawyer, my barber, my insurance broker, my next door neighbors, the pharmacist, the waiter at dinner, the guy who cleaned my carpets, my mechanic, the guy behind me in line, the minister at church.....none of these people have asked. But, nurses, receptionists at doctor's offices, medical technicians, and even some doctors frequently ask. Medical professionals don't seem to respect the boundaries in society. /QUOTE]

    It is fascinating to me how we all view things differently. When I was injured it was "polite" to avoid looking at someone disabled and you acted as if you didn't even see them much less start a conversation with them. The medical community were the only ones who assumed that I was not mentally impaired or had some dreadful disease they could catch, so they would chat with me. I have appreciated them for that.

  10. #20
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    99% of the time i am ok. i answer and then go on with my day. but how i was injured has NOTHING to do with having an allergic reaction and i was super agitated at the time to boot.

    building bridges is great but honestly, like linda, asking about one's sex life is NOT gonna endear you to someone. and when i hear someone with a lovely accent i say "lovely accent, may i ask what brings you here to america?" which has often led to some of the most interesting conversations of my life.
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
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