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Thread: Dad not copeing

  1. #21
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    Thumbs down Dad not coping very well

    I had the same trouble with my dad when I was injured in a crash in 1976. He would not even put a ramp into his house. His new wife said no. He could not handle my disability at all. IMO, don't try to get him to change. You will waste an incredible amount of energy and time where you could use it pursuing the hockey coach job. I know it is tough not having support from your dad. Mom15, keep on supporting him like you have been. He is very fortunate to have you on his support team. Sled hockey was not even around during my younger days. It looks like heck of lot of fun.

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mom15 View Post
    reed-em. I moved my son to my mom's today. Less stress for him. I am hurting as miss him but at least he will be less stressfull. I pray that their relationship is not how you and your dad ended up being. Maybe I am pulling at straws.
    I never moved away. We just wouldn't talk to each other unless it was needed. We (I) wouldn't try to avoid each other.

    I just figured out I'd have a better more productive conversation with a pet fish!

    If they have nothing in common anymore, you can bet the farm it will go that route..Just don't stress over it, there's not much you can do..
    ---------
    C5-6 / '88

  3. #23
    Senior Member Van Quad's Avatar
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    What a horrible situation. Your dad should be your biggest supporter, unconditionally. That said, I had a friend whose dad thought she should have died instead of living with an SCI. He looked at her like she was injured livestock.

    Perhaps a peer with a good relationship with his dad could meet with Ezra and his dad.

  4. #24
    Super Moderator Sue Pendleton's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Van Quad View Post
    What a horrible situation. Your dad should be your biggest supporter, unconditionally. That said, I had a friend whose dad thought she should have died instead of living with an SCI. He looked at her like she was injured livestock.

    Perhaps a peer with a good relationship with his dad could meet with Ezra and his dad.
    Can you PM me where you're located in Wisconsin. I know a couple where the wife really got into sled hockey when her husband was injured. They're down in Rock County but travel a bit for games. Has your son or husband seen Murderball? I haven't so jusdt passing along that that movie motivates a lot of males of all ability levels. And IMHO if you can get both into a counselor with you it couldn't hurt.
    Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow."

    Disclaimer: Answers, suggestions, and/or comments do not constitute medical advice expressed or implied and are based solely on my experiences as a SCI patient. Please consult your attending physician for medical advise and treatment. In the event of a medical emergency please call 911.

  5. #25
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    I had this 10 page thesis all written out before I realised. It was me suffering from emotional Diarrhea. I took a few days off to recollect my thoughts and find a way to present this in a way that would be more meaningful to you.

    I found it comforting your son is now living with your parents. Old folk have a more laid back approach to life I think your son needs right now. Your son has too much to deal with already with his paraplegia. Throwing dad in the mix is just gonna mess things up.

    I've been in this exact same situation and I would strongly urge your son to learn to rely on you and others who are more supportive. Forget Dad for the time being. I hate to say it but dad is useless to your son until either dad learns to deal with the crap in his own head or your son gives him no choice but to see what he is capable of. In the mean time your son needs to find people who believe in him and put dad to one side for a bit. It's definitely hard don't get me wrong, I know it all to well.

    I took about 2 years off from my dad to get myself into a position where I was comfortable with who I was well enough to not give a damn what he thought... It was a very hard slog. countless hours in therapy. Too many failures to count. A few very dire situations. But I got there. I'm not saying that's what it will take for your son and dad to come to terms with the predicament. It's what it took me. Once I was there, and I didnt give a damn. I could do what I needed to do knowin full well I might fail. But fuck it! do it anyway - with no concern for the consequences. As long as I wasn't hurting anyone else - things were peachy. The choice was then my fathers'. It wouldn't have bothered me either way what decision he made, whether to support me or not. But in the end it mattered to my grandparents... They were more liberated than he was I guess. I love the old farts. I was sitting with them last night when I came up with this blurb. It's amazing how what you have makes you realise how lucky you have it.
    Everybody wants freedom.... They just don't want it for everybody else...

    A college professor, a man I now consider my dad, once told me...
    "The minute you let someone decide what you can and cannot do, your life is no longer yours." A truer word has never been spoken in my opinion.


    Professor Bill Johnston
    (1930- )

  6. #26
    Somewhat better now as my son is in college. Summer was hard for both of them. I am proud of Ezra as he has an attitude of I have been dealt these cards. As his older brother says. Ezra has been given lemons and decided to make lemon aid! Sled hockey has been his rejuvination . The rink has always been his "mountain".

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