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Thread: Just don't know if I can take it anymore

  1. #1

    Just don't know if I can take it anymore

    Or if it is worth trying

    Puking bad pain for a few weeks. Had an eval with a PT to try to strengthen myself, but can't do crap without going into spasms or muscles giving out and falling.

    Sent me to my Neurosurgeon who scheduled a myleogram and an EMG. The doc doing the EMG didn't want to do it and add to my misery, he's done a few on me. He called the neuro who wanted to rule out diabetic neuropathy and maybe get a bit more info. No Diabetic Neuropathy the rest was inconclusive.

    As I got dressed and we were chatting I went into full spacicity and neuro pain attack. He went 10 shades whiter and just stared. I cycle in and out for about 20 minutes after which it semi normalized. He asked how often this happens and I said 12-30 times a day. He just gasped. I just said fuck my life. He asked if was was going to do anything bad when I got home. I laughed.

    Back to my back, neoro looking at a T level and an additional L level fusion. I said fuck that, he said you'll just get worse. After an unpleasnat exchange I apologized and he said he really does understand so let's just wait for the pics although he pointed out how bad the two spots were on pics from 3 years ago.

    I really am having trouble dealing. Pain is horrific and I can't see the agony/recovery of another multi-level fusion with the upside being what? nothing but a life of pain.

    Right now the pain is actually scary.

    I have lost all hope and my soull has been torn from me. All that I am is all gone.


    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Somewhere in the Rocky Mountains
    I AM SORRY BILL....I don't know what else to say but I am here listening. I care.
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

  3. #3
    I have no words. Just sorry to hear you are suffering.
    C5/6 complete 10/27/2009 MVA

    "I'm going to try defying gravity." Elphaba in "Wicked"

  4. #4

  5. #5
    I had a really bad UTI one time that triggered a series of body-straightening really jerky muscle spasms that lasted for about 15 hours out of an 18 hour period. I thought I was going to completely lose my mind (and sleep is not possible during this either). I feel for you and wish I had a remedy!

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Central NJ
    Blog Entries
    Bill, I know I can't come within a universe of imagining, but I ache for you and am so wishing for some miracles.

  7. #7
    Hey man, what do you have to lose? Why not do the fusion? It doesn't sound like it can actually get worse. Hope you find some relief.

  8. #8
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada

    I'm sorry, kitty.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  9. #9
    Bill, I don't know what I'm talking about here, but could they just make a nick here or there?
    And the truth shall set you free.

  10. #10

    It sounds awfully tough right now. I am sorry. You describe going into spasticity accompanied by neuropathic pain. Would you please indicate what type of pain you are recounting. Is it muscle pains (cramping etc), lightning pains, or burning pain? What happens during your spasticity? Do you see anything like rippling in the muscles? Do your hands draw inward (flex)? Which parts of your body have the spasticity and which have the pain (eg arms, legs, etc)

    Even the most terrible pain is often affected by external situations in your life. As always, try to get away from stressors which collapse your will to endure the pain.

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