Page 2 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 44

Thread: 10th year anniversary of SCI - 3,650 consecutive days of pain

  1. #11
    I'm 38 yrs post Jon; your wisdom and toughness even inspires we "old Guys," Stay strong, I know what it's like to not "complain" for the fact it may deter the newbies.

    No whinefest at all, you stated in a straightforward how so many of us feel. You can obviously see how much we need each other here. Your post showed me that when I have the "whinefest period" coming on, it'll be okay to spout it off here.

  2. #12
    I really appreciate your perspective arndog. It's good stuff, so keep sharing!

  3. #13
    Arndog, like so many others here, I enjoy reading your posts, especially when you go long form (though I regret the unfortunate source of your inspiration). For all of your unendurable pain, your honesty and clarity of thought shines as brightly as ever. Feel free to doff your moderator's cap whenever you like.

    I'm 28 years post (I've been announcing that a lot recently -- has everyone noticed how number conscious we are when it comes to our injuries?) and am fortunate to have been spared the intense pain experienced by so many here. I'm thankful for this not so small favor.

  4. #14
    hey dog, closing in on forget 8 or 9 years. No matter, i cannot remember a day I have not been in agony, really can;t even dream it anymore.

    I appreciate your candor, truly do. Sorry you r state though.

    I had started to wonder if you were actually superman in your ability to cope. I'm 9 spinal procedures and about 14 other ortho rebuilds from my injuries in Nam and stupidity and still fighting, doing absurd things i likely shouldn't through encouragement often from you.

    I've written little lately as i'm in a bad way after saying I had come to terms and was in a good place. Even a good place for us is bad. I like to think i'm not the "shadow walker" I was, and you have done much for me and I walk in the sun and see the life around me.

    But at the end of the day, even though I have found true acceptance, the dark angles still becon the sirens sing and call, and every day with CP is torture.

    Cass, my God, Alan, Dej, Becky. we ride a dark line but we all still look for the light. No one has mentioned Oz in a long time and I read his book a few times and see myself and other treading the same path but taking a different direction when reaching that fork that took him to his end.

    God bless us all and keep us close to him. Bless our families who smile with us, and weep, literally, for us when we can't see it.

    Bless Dog this day and let him find a measure of peace.

    Finally, find two tickets, the immortal Ludwig Van was the defining composer that led me to music before life made its own plan.

    Many paths arn, and you walk a difficult one with grace. Courage.


    Last edited by bollefen; 02-24-2012 at 09:47 AM. Reason: cause i typle like crap

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by arndog View Post
    Yesterday, I celebrated my 10th year anniversary of SCI. I took it hard for one reason. It symbolized and brought me to the realization that there has been so much pain, daily pain that makes getting through each 24 hrs a huge challenge/ a recurrent daymare. Not one in 3650 days has ended well and peacefully. It has been a repeated Ground Hog day, full on crisis ending each evening with the hope that sleep, with the aid of ambien, will overcome my crescendo of suffering quickly and the dawn will bring new hope. I start pushing that large Sisyphean boulder up the hill the next day. This is the baseline which has been punctuated by 12 substantial physical setbacks with 3 revision spine surgeries, months in the hospital taking years to recover from and hallmarked with six abdominal laparotomies from small bowel intestinal obstruction and lysis of adhesions losing all physical conditioning and leaving the hospital on high level of opiates to withdraw from. Then the Sisyphean climb up the conditioning ladder only to fall again. These are have been the exclamation points on a baseline of chronic daily neuropathic pain that still defies control despite all the talk and advice I have offered to others here. That I do because it helps me to help other people – it is self serving. I am taking my moderator hat off tonight and just letting the world know what it has been like for me and I know that many here are in the same boat. I have nothing to hide, the past 3,650 days have brought a great amount of humility to my attitude.
    Although there have been no fully good days, there have been good moments – while enjoying family, nordic sitskiing, monskiing, handcycling ,now working full time at SSDI, watching a sunrise, and of course music - western classical music from 1750 to 1945.

    There have been some good moments, but in summation I am so beat down from the chronic pain and all the meds to manage it that I am not in a celebratory mood.

    I apologize for the downer but realistic post and I hope this is rare for me. Maybe I will write something like this on my 20th anniversary. I am sorry if I am spoiling the hope that newer injuries may have – you may have a different experience. I don’t need condolences, and I am grateful for the people I believe I know here at CC (even though all is uncertain on the Internet) who have helped me retain my sanity and humanity.
    I think that you may need to recalculate your number of days due to leap years.

  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by nauticalmike View Post
    I think that you may need to recalculate your number of days due to leap years.
    Cruel but funny.

  7. #17
    Arndog, I also have found a great deal of meaning in your posts. Keep it up.

    Here is my sequential analysis of Central pain

    First decade: (when the going gets tough, the tough get going phase)

    Yes, I will be brave, have inspirational posters, and do as I am told, and listen to those who say it is God's will.

    Second decade (the completely bewildered phase)

    I think I have gone insane, because I don't know what I am supposed to do with all this pain around. And I sure as heck don't like to listen to mind/body rants by those who know nothing about central pain.

    Third decade (the bitter phase)

    Okay, so the GM auto workers now have their union pension funds fully loaded with a gift of billions in cash from taxpayers.
    There are 80,000 of them and 100,000 with central pain. Why won't the fricking government spend a little money on pain research instead of bailouts and more bureaucracy. Who cares about advocacy money for trendy causes when there is this huge body of people in really agonizing pain. Leopards are the most successful species at maintaining their numbers other than possibly the Norwegian rat, but we are spending more to preserve THEM than we spend on basic pain research. No child left behind EXCEPT those with central pain.
    Last edited by dejerine; 02-24-2012 at 01:57 PM.

  8. #18
    Bill - thanks for your kind words and your service and sacrifice for the country. I know we have similarities in the ability to try to fight through the pain and engage in semi-normal activity only to suffer. I am flesh and blood and very human

    nauticalmike - haha, I did consider doing that - I am very aware of that as my father was born on Feb 29 and we used to joke that he was only 20 when he turned 80. So I do have to add a few extra days of misery to 3650. Now I feel even worse !! ;-)

    Stephen - I suggest that the obsession with numbers around here is that it is damn hard for everyone to get through a year with SCI. It is hard and 10 years of life with SCI is a harder challenge than 10 years without SCI where you might notice that your Marathon time went from 3:30 to 3:45 as your greatest loss. My hats of anyone who can put up with the 'gift of SCI' decade after decade, include you at 27 plus years.

    Dej - I know when I started posting I was a young pup thinking that I could beat this NP some how with some combination of the right meds, some biofeedback, and mental toughness.
    Now in decade 2, I see things differently. I try to have good days. I still find that more people than not benefit from opiate and benzodiazpam meds for central pain. That is a message I would be for.
    I can't tell you how much I appreciate your posts even though I do not possess the politically driven energy to try to have an influence on chronic pain research. But watch out for my wife, who may be doing a nursing Phd on the topic of 'the effects of chronic pain patients on the family'.

  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by stephen212 View Post
    Cruel but funny.

    Just trying to lighten things up a tad...

  10. #20
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Baltimore, MD
    Arndog, you wrote what you felt. The "Blow Sunshine Up Everyone's Ass" forum is down the hall.

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

Similar Threads

  1. 10th Anniversary of my SCI
    By Hype62 in forum Life
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 05-08-2010, 08:23 PM
  2. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-27-2009, 07:43 PM
  3. 11 Year Anniversary
    By Kristi in forum Life
    Replies: 18
    Last Post: 03-10-2006, 11:04 PM
  4. WXYC's Webcasting 10th Anniversary Celebration
    By LaoziSailor in forum Computers
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 12-29-2005, 04:35 PM
  5. Replies: 5
    Last Post: 08-28-2004, 07:03 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts