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Thread: Husband: Invol and won't do BP

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Denver, Colorado

    Unhappy Husband: Invol and won't do BP

    OK... I know I'm venting... Don did his BP a couple of days ago and tonight had a small invol. He's in a horrible mood and I know that he needs to go when he's very cranky. Anyway... I asked him if he wanted to do his BP tonite and he refused...saying it was just a fart (yeah... like a fart has a large turd associated with it)... I know it's his body...He does his BP every 3 days but he has never had an invol and then didn't do a BP right away... this is the first time... we were told that if there is an involv then a BP should be done at that time.
    So... long story short.... I put a Depends on him and he got into bed... that way if another invol happens at least he has some protection.
    He can be so nasty sometimes... I just want to run away... It's very stressful... but I have to respect that it's his life and body.
    Sometimes, I'm just so tired of his attitude. So I have run a nice bath for myself and then it's bedtime (in my own bedroom... thank god) and maybe a movie...
    Thanks for letting me vent!


  2. #2
    Sounds like you need a day at the spa

  3. #3
    He's lucky to have you...........Hope it does'nt take being alone for him to realize .Yeah it's hard for us who deal with this injury,but even harder for those that deal with it ,but don't have to

  4. #4
    Senior Member Obieone's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    Hi Sieg

    Even though we understand on an an intellectual level all the reasons for our sci partners's behaviour and that it's almost always justified - the emotional strain and drain of maintaining the staus quo is exhausting. Backing away is the only thing you can do - I have found myself in similar situations remembering the torturous guilt I would feel on top of it all - but with time and - the support of CareCure - I've developed a pretty thick skin and just learned to "let go and let god" ......

    However - every now and then I find myself back there as if no time had passed and we're still newbies with it all - when that happens I'll do as you did but I'd probably add a " fuck fuck fuckity fuck " pour a glass of wine to go with and zone out somehow until the moment passes - which it almost always does ! I as you have my own space which still makes me a little sad but has also saved my life many times - but then Bill and I have been married a long time (34+ years) - I'm counting on my next life to be a little less real !

    Vent away dear Sieg - no need to thank anyone - you know that - I'm glad we're still here to hear you - and I'm glad you still trust us to do it {{{{hug}}} !!

    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi

    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  5. #5
    I know it sounds trite and if he won't take responsibility for himself, it maybe all but impossible to persuade him to seek help, but counseling and antidepressant drug therapy may help a great deal.

    I hope that the two of you can find some place of peace together.

    NL (GJ's wife and caregiver)

  6. #6
    I think Dr. Obie's suggestion of wine is outstanding and you should listen to her!

    And the truth shall set you free.

  7. #7
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    North Carolina, USA
    I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. It sounds to me that he needs a serious sit down to tell him that he can have a bad day, he can have a shitty (so to speak) day, but that he may NOT take it out on you with a terrible attitude. Hang in there sieg...

  8. #8
    Senior Member Van Quad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Vancouver, BC, Canada
    three days! I can barely make it from one evening to the next!

    And yes, when we have a blowup/meltdown we think it's only us and are quite surprised when our partner gets upset. So don't apologize ergvepeog, you are teaching some newbie not to make his partner collateral damage.

  9. #9
    I am still not on aBP and I only go like once a week, so do not worry about him, he will be fine. As far as him being a dick goes though, just give him some space and let him take care of himself for a little while. When he really needs you he will most likely come crawling back to you and be very apologetic as long as you make him aware that it is because of his attitude towards you that you are leaving him alone before you go.

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Denver, Colorado
    Thanks guys! I love you! Things are better and I am learning (after almost 7 years of Don being SCI) to detach myself and do some major self-care. Thanks again for being here!


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