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Thread: How do you know when to admit defeat??

  1. #11
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    Agreed. If the option is
    A) Commit a completely victim-less crime, or
    B) Give up and die
    I'd at least have a go at option A.

    Even if option A turns out not to help, make yourself heard. Get your date moved up at all costs. If it's just a matter of scheduling a surgery, I'd be on fire to get it done. Don't just be a name in a chart that can be filed away until May. Call everyone you can think of about it. Call them every day. Be aggressive. BE LOUD. Find an advocate that has some sway in the schedule. Don't let medical bureaucracy keep you in pain. There is always someone out there that can make things happen sooner, you just have to find them.

    Good luck,
    Taziar

  2. #12
    Based on what I know, Becks, between your mother's intrusion into your care and a couple of unresponsive and generally lousy pain management doctors, you've not had the opportunity to ''try everything'' or even give some of the meds you have taken a reasonable trial because the dose you were taking was so low.

    You're not the giving up type -- if you were, you wouldn't be two months away from finishing your degree! As soon as you finish school and get the mesh out, make your next priority finding a new pain management doctor, one that works with YOU, not your mother. Until then, give the cannabis a try.
    It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

    ~Julius Caesar


  3. #13
    Hang in there sweetie.

  4. #14
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    i just encourage you to not give up. life is worth it and you're soooooo close to finishing!!! start thinking of your graduation party, maybe try to look at class rings, set some sort of reward for yourself for somehow slugging through the muck and the mire!

    and leave no stone unturned. YOU and your doctor(which i hope you find a good one) need to decide on your careplan.

    keep singing out and keep singing strong!
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
    http://www.elportavoz.com/

  5. #15
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    So why so long to remove the mesh? I would be questioning that.

    Don't give up...You have worked so hard. Are you still going to a pain clinic or not?

    Did you block your mother from being able to do what she did the last time? I can't remember? I am old LOL

    I guess pain is a way of life for some of us. I have a hard time thinking this is it too...but surely we have to keep on and there is an answer. We have to keep on making appointments until we find it Becky. NEVER give up. You have graduating to do and a whole life ahead of you!!!
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

  6. #16
    bcsimpson,

    I am sorry to hear you have this constant pain from mesh. It must have been a really terrible crash to have required it. Mesh has always been something that was a very mixed blessing. It could be used, but the fact it could be used may have prevented science from growing material right now which was more compatible.

    I have never completely figured out in my mind if I think central pain makes internal pain worse. There is no doubt that it has caused bladder pain in me, but it is tied to complicated considerations of inability to register bladder filling. The sensation of bladder pain does not correlate well with how much liquid is in the bladder. Similarly, your irritation from the mesh. Is central pain making it worse than it would be for normals. I don't know how we answer this, but somehow we need to have doctors ALWAYS ask about any pain in a CP patient whether it is accurately being perceived. If it is loaded by the CP, then the doctor must deal with that.

    One of the aspects of Central Pain is hypersensitization. Once your pain system gets hypersensitized, it may not take much to be a real killer. Another feature is what neurosurgeons used to call "delay with overshoot" (for many years this was the classic sign for injury to the spinothalamic tract, the socalled delay with overshoot) Delay doesn't mean time, it means a raised threshold for feeling pain initially followed by a real drop in threshold once a certain level of insult or injury is reached. This means the loss of sensation creates a heightened threshold for pain, but once it is reached the pain response overshoots. When we lose pain sensation, we are much more prone to injury, but also to greater pain A paradox, ie. Boivie's paradox. If your mesh pain is in the area of your central pain, hopefully fixing it will lighten the load a significant amount.


    Thank you for describing your pain with mesh. I am sure the doctors had good reason to use it, but it is unfortunate that a reaction had to occur.

    As to giving up in life, don't do it. I had blinding pain for a very long time from my neck surgeries. It was superbad, the kind that convinces you no one else on earth could possibly feel this way or they would be dead. I alone could tolerate such pain because the ordinary run of people would go mad--that kind of pain. (All of us with bad central pain think we are surviving the unsurvivable--when I read Grange's thread it is almost like reading scripture to me, I find expression for my own pain in the words of others, and it is like God's answer to me--others are enduring it, so can I.) Then, one day I "invented" a flat down pillow that put my neck at a slightly different angle. This dumb little change made so much difference in my life. The change in sleeping angle could not have been more than a few degrees, 2 or 3, but it makes a huge difference in the neck pain from 3 major fusion surgeries. It makes life tolerable. This mechanical pain on top of my central pain was a real torture. None of the rest of you who are surviving the unsurvivable could have survived it. except that you already are surviving it. It is perhaps okay to feel you are uniquely suffering the ultimate, as long as you realize that others are doing it too; and shudder, some of them are worse off, which you don't even want to think about. Too heartbreaking.

    My point is that I can imagine that the mesh is a major pain and the additive effect of two types of pain can really make things so much worse.

    If you are better without the mesh, which I certainly hope you will be, some day you may discover something that helps. It may be medication, therapy, rehabilitation, exercise, change in climate or whatever. I have watched your posts with sadness because I know you are not exaggerating at all, but have understated your pain in your posts. My heart goes out to you and I can only hope you and your doctors will find a way to make things tolerable.

    Thanks again for posting.
    Last edited by dejerine; 02-17-2012 at 12:12 AM.

  7. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by Buck_Nastier View Post
    Just because it's illegal doesn't mean it's not a good option.

    It's illegal because the people who make laws are assholes
    who've never experienced chronic pain.
    while all true, there are significant dangers in illegal drugs: the first is you never know exactly what you're getting. this is primarily why i advocate legalization. at least then, ppl aren't at the mercy of the dealer cutting it with unknown quantities of substances, including poisons, just to make more money.
    Last edited by cass; 02-16-2012 at 05:19 AM.

  8. #18
    Some background...Becky had the mesh placed during a hernia repair surgery last fall. Delaying the surgery to remove the mesh was Becky's decision. She elected to hold off on having that surgery until after she completes this semester and finishes her degree.
    It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

    ~Julius Caesar


  9. #19
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    Ask for my opinion and I will tell you straight up. I don't sugarcoat.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by thehipcrip View Post
    Some background...Becky had the mesh placed during a hernia repair surgery last fall. Delaying the surgery to remove the mesh was Becky's decision. She elected to hold off on having that surgery until after she completes this semester and finishes her degree.
    I remember that after I now read your post...

    In fact...I encouraged her to do that duh

    Hang in there Becky....you can get through it
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

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