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Thread: Pain management and mental stabilty

  1. #1

    Pain management and mental stabilty

    One of the things I love about this site is one can empty all the chaos in your gray mattter to people who are on the same frequency. Agreement isn't the goal, but different experiences dealing with the hell one is comfronted with from the changes chronic pain slams into your life.

    I have a difficult surgery in 2 weeks, and I must admit I'm spooked. The unknown results, the medical industry hassles, cautious optimism or whatever, and of course, family. My wife has been and is my brick for the last 15 years of this nightmare. She has been my hero for almost 40 years. Always there with humor and support. Helping in a thousand ways. And, I have seen my self esteem deplete, self respect diminish and my standing in the family dynamic reduced. Always understanding the drugs are the only option, she has never crossed the line of looking at me like a junkie. I've quit several times, and she has been one of many that convincd me that I'm just torturing myself for no good reason. I do not abuse my medication. There were times in the begining, when I didn't know any better, that I turned into a drooler and caught myself before anyone had to intervein. I have noticed over the years the toll my situation has taken on her. The stress level is high, but she mostly hides it very well.

    Now, I have that gut feeling that something is up. I have asked, but get the same everythings ok. But, after all these years, I know there is something bubbling under the surface. She has turned into the sole supporter, working a full 40 hour week and still handles most of the stuff around the house. I do what I can, which is somewhere between diddley and squat. She is a beautiful, intellegent and fun person. I used to be the one that would pull her into the adventures of the world because she is a bit shy. I know she misses that life. There are so many good years for her to enjoy a full life, that I wouldn't blame her at all if she would say she's had all she can stand. I know she loves me, and I also know she will sacrifice her chance of a full life to keep her vows. I don't know what to do. The fact that she won't talk about it is frustrating. I sometimes think I may need a check up from the neck up. Am I imagining these reads or is she trying to deal with a terribly heartbreaking question. The up coming surgery I'm sure has a lot to do with the unconventional demeanor. Or, perhaps there is someone in the world that has opened her eyes to the life that could be. Part of me is more than willing to give her my blessing and move on. Why should I drag her down with me?? I love her more than breath. As you might see, I'm a bit down about the whole thing. And, I may just be full of crap. Thanks for reading this self serving garble. Advise that sees both views is appreciated. I'd love to catch the son of a bitch that is inserting the needles in my voodoo doll. How does one cry UNCLE!!!
    Best to ALL! snorp
    Last edited by snorp; 01-04-2012 at 03:10 AM. Reason: type
    No matter how cynical I try to be, I just can't seem to keep up with how bad things really are!

  2. #2
    Hey, snorp. Don't go down that thought process 2 weeks before a huge surgery. My god, you've been together for 40 years. Get through this surgery. Your anxiety about the surgery is spilling over to this concern. Worry about the surgery if you must worry but don't take on this new worry at this point in time.

    Thank her for all she does for the family and see if there are even small things that you can do for her to help with things. She must be as anxious as you are about this upcoming surgery. Talk about it.

    Get through this surgery. I am wishing you the best.

  3. #3
    It sounds like you are worrying for nothing. You both are....I'm sure....over stressed because of the sugery coming up. Get through this before you worry about something that has'nt happened. She sounds like a good girl that loves you a lot. I know what you mean though. My husband and I were always close....did everything together....and now we can't. I really miss those days. Plus I feel guilty about not working. I'm not much use at home anymore either. I gotta say, he takes it better than me, most of the time.

    Good luck with your surgery, and I hope you feel better about everything once it's finished.

  4. #4
    Snorp,

    What a post. Every one of us is in the same situation. There are no angels walking the planet, only humans. And like it or not, EVERY spouse of EVERY human has had times when they don't like their mates very much right then. Read Edgar Guest's "Those Marvelous Men She could have married" It is online and worth smiling over.

    I don't think it helps to say things like you would understand if she wants to leave. Whether or not she has thought about it, it insults her overcoming such thoughts and the commitment she has decided on and spent effort to be true to. And yes, she is probably apprehensive about your upcoming surgery. Heck, I am even apprehensive.
    Last edited by dejerine; 01-05-2012 at 12:36 AM.

  5. #5
    right now, focus on getting through the surgery. that's really all you can do for your health.

  6. #6
    I am much better now. Thank all of you for putting up with my depression spew. I am spooked. No time to be thinking about anything. The night I wrote the original post, I was going in the next day for a out patient hernia surgery. So, I guess I cracked. Just five days and we'll see what the Great One has in store for 2012 and on. Thank you all very much for your help and support. I feel quite fortunate to have a group that I can show my ass and not be totally morrtified. Peace.
    No matter how cynical I try to be, I just can't seem to keep up with how bad things really are!

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