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Thread: I need some advice -- PLEASE

  1. #1

    I need some advice -- PLEASE

    I live in a larger 2 story home in a rural area. The nearest grocery store is 15 minutes away, ditto for gas station.

    I live here with my younger brother. Mostly, we came to this situation because of financial troubles and this is the cheapest way to live as costs are higher elsewhere.

    I have a "stair-lift" I installed to get me up/down and a "2nd chair" downstairs.

    My life has become a living hell because of my brother. He does not care for the house, it is a mess. He rarely makes food, does not have a schedule for groceries or cleaning or anything.

    He works at McDonalds. He was fired from his previous jobs.

    He does not wake up before 1PM, unless he has work -- and then ONLY if I ride his ass to wake up every 15 minutes 1 hour before...

    I feel stuck. I have no one else who can help with laundry and other essentials. I cannot afford to hire anyone. I do need him. And he made sure of that, he is mooching off me, and made sure I dont have enough to install hand-controls, made sure that I'm reliant on him.

    He always puts me down.

    Sometimes he refuses to take me to the grocery store or anywhere, because there is no public transpo and MY CAR is the only vehicle we have and he drives it. So he has that power over me.

    The only power I have over him is the internet... I often change the wifi password and it pisses him right off. and, admiteddly, adds to the things he does, says... and doesnt help the problem at all.

    but what else can I do? he's only 21 but a compelte failure in everything in life. Still in highschool, fired from all jobs.

    If I give him 10$ to get me 25cent gum he'll bring me back 5$

    He's a liar. He takes my car and drives to cities 2-3 hours away, paying with my money for gas.

    His lies are so horrendus... sometimes I doubt myself. I KNOW FOR A FACT he's lying but he sticks by the lie so well that I just can't believe it. He's delussional, and has no feelings. He tells people he goes to school in a prominent university and studies "microbiology" it's like he doesn't even know what the fuck it means! why am I living with this clown!?

    I REALLY want to kick him out but...

    #1) I will be forced to try to find a way to get an extra 1000$/month which I don't think I can.... it's too rural to find people who rent it. It's just acrage and farms here!

    #2) He's my brother and I dunna what my family will think if they ever found out, they wouldn't understand, especially if he spins it around on me.

    #3) I'm kind of scared. Who will do my laundry? clean up? move heavy objects? help with house-hold chores? I don't have the money to hire someone and the government programs are not that good and they also have a long waiting list.

    I have been having horribly violent thoughts, where I hit him over the head and he sustains brain damage, or where I lose it and stab the shit out of him, it's gotten to the point where I can't believe the thoughts and images I'm conjuring up.

    I hate him so much, he even put me in this situation of being in a rural area in a shitty home. He mooched off me for so long I had to take out a line of credit and now I'm living in debt because of him.

    I've lost my independance, I can't drive or take a subway, I'm stuck. I put myself in the spot I promised to never put myself... somewhere where I'm stuck and relying on someone.

    Today what triggered this post is that he refused to take me to the grocery store and I haven't eaten anything decent in 2 days because he decided impulsively visit a friend in a town 5 hours away... then he comes back, demands the internet, demands I listen to him, just sleeps all day, WHAT THE FUCK?

    I have been paralyzed for so long and THIS LITTLE PEICE OF SHIT is the one to make me cry and see myself as a disabled person? THIS LITTLE SHIT?

    I fucking hate being paralyzed. It's a jail. If only I could walk I wouldn't be bound anywhere. I'd live out of my backpack. I'd go swimming. I'd go couch-surfing. I'd meet people and go cross-country hitch-hiking. I can't exactly find a place to lay down or drag my commode and catheters along with me to do that now.

    I just had to get this out, I don't care if it is not coherent. I'm just so sick of life in a chair. So many people have used and abused me and treated me like I am a child. They would NEVER have done so if I was an able person, believe me, no one would have wronged me if I was able... no one....

    I dunna why you are just watching us suffer, you call yourself compassionate? you love all your children? so what the fuck is the point of disease and disability? is it a "lesson" for the person involved? or a "lesson" for others to see the cripples and remember their good health. Why do I have to suffer while others who don't deserve to breathe are living fucking eating....

    this world is not just

    and I truly doubt the existence of a god.

    I can't wait for eternal darkness.
    no more pain
    no more spasms
    no more sweating like a fucking broken waterfountain
    no more shoving my finger up my ass
    fuck you you cruel cruel son of a bitch

  2. #2
    Sorry for your challenges disapora. Have you spoken with your family about these issues. Now that you've written your gripes down and realize they exist; what are you going to do about it? Are you going to rise to the challenge and kick the guy out and get a proper roomate or what. If you continue in this vane, knowing what going on, if you don't do something about, you just become a victum to it. Some like being in that position as it brings the most attention to one's self or are you going to rise to the challenge and do what you think should be done.

    The only reason people abuse, use and treat you like a child is because you allow them to. The disability is not going away, sorry to say, so it's up to you to maximize your potential with what you have left. There are good times after disability but like anything we have to want it and know we deserve it. Go for it, you're worth it.
    Go back to school.

  3. #3
    Senior Member skippy13's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    in a handbasket
    You didn't know any of this stuff about him before you decided to live with him?
    Anything worth doing, is worth doing to excess

  4. #4
    Who owns the house?

    Your brother is a user...of you. If you continue to allow this, you are an enabler of his disfunctional and abusive behavior.

    If you own the house, kick him out and place an ad for a housekeeper or handyman if that is what you need...or a roommate who will do what you need done in exchange for rent. Arrange for grocery delivery if that is what you need. If he is taking your money or possessions without your permission, report him to Adult Protective Services. In most states, people with disabilities are considered to be in a special protected class, and fall under the laws that protect seniors from abuse and neglect like this. Regardless, don't let him live with you any more.


  5. #5
    I don't blame you for feeling trapped. If people have not lived in a rural situation like you do it is hard for them to understand how difficult it can be to get decent help even if you do make your brother leave.
    Do you have any friends or family that can intervene?

  6. #6
    Thanks for understanding the position of my location! It's rural as heck! Farmers, tractors, trailers. Nearest major town is small but 45 minutes away. So no ads or roommates.

    The house is owned by an old friend, he's literally old, in his 70s and he's giving it to us for dirt cheap.

    I did know he's a freeloader and a failure .. But I didn't think he'd continue his ways. Oops? My fault indeed. I wish to god i can go back but my alternatives sucked.

    No family support/ relationship

    2012 is gonna suck
    Let's hope it's the last one!
    Mayans FTW

  7. #7
    Sounds like an icky situation and I don't blame you for feeling angry about it. Use the best tool you have for getting out of the predicament...your brain.

    Once you are feeling a little calmer, approach the problem in a systematic way. You know your surroundings better than anyone, so figure it out. Maybe moving to town and getting a much smaller, more affordable apartment will work for you. In town, there might be public transportation, stores nearer to you, people that you could hire for small jobs. Put together a plan and then enlist your friends and family to help you make it happen.

    If you are stuck by low finances, figure that out, too. I'm not sure about Canada, but there are lots of programs in the US that will help low income and disabled people get an education. These days, lots of folks work from home and also go to school via the internet.

    Don't be a victim and don't accept an less than satisfactory life. You will feel empowered as you begin to put your plans together but it might take some time to figure everything out.

    I hope that your family and friends step in to support you on this.

  8. #8
    You are being abused and held hostage in this place. Is there some social service in your area of Ontario that can help you get out of this mess? It does not seem that you will get our from under you brother without help.
    You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @

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  9. #9
    Senior Member ZEN12many's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Woodland, CA, USA Old male, T12 incomplete TM 2004
    Everybody has said everything. I just want to agree with truly that you should consider moving to town (and not necessarily the one closest to you). Many of the problems that scare you are much easier to solve in a city that has transportation and accessable areas. You will finally feel free again when you can decide when and where to go.

    Re your family blaming you for your brother's fate; hey, he is AB. Let him be responsible for his own fate If anything, you are enabling him to not shape up.

    Finances make solutions difficult. Start looking for resouces, make a plan, and make it work. You need to get out of there and get a place that has only one bedroom.
    TM 2004 T12 incomplete

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by SCIfor55yrs. View Post
    You are being abused and held hostage in this place. Is there some social service in your area of Ontario that can help you get out of this mess? It does not seem that you will get our from under you brother without help.
    What he said.

    I'm so sorry you're going through this diaspora, I hope 2012 proves better.
    Embrace uncertainty. Hard problems rarely have easy solutions. Jonah Lehrer

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