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Thread: MY Eyes Are Open And My Heart Is Breaking!

  1. #1

    MY Eyes Are Open And My Heart Is Breaking!

    well havent been online in a while, but my husbands moods are back wow didnt last long, i guess its true you always hurt the ones you love the most. Hope thats true,he really can say some things to me as tho its all my fault he is hurt or something, i have a questioin, Dr told us in july after doing a test on my husband which was having lots of pain in right arm now has like a trimmer just shakes really bad, anyway test report was showing degenative changes, and told him he had to many levels of injury to do any surgerys right now has had 2 in the past 1st one wasnt good callapsed on spinalcord, 2nd surgery to decompress he has a pace maker also from weak muscles in behind heart from injury,and here we are where we hoped the day would never come! areas that hold titanium are in trouble dont know the medical terms but also has inpinchment at t1 been there for about 15 yrs when all this began leaving him incomplete at c4567 t1 inpinchment on spinalcord. they told us no surgery until he gets worse in weakness, and we know he may be a complete possibly after surgery, and any changes in bowels or kidney flow they would need to know, he has been very losse in bowels 4 wks and has soiled the bed at night before he could get to bathroom im scared because we thought it was a bug the first week the 2nd wk we thought ok overcounter med may work, 3rd wk went to local dr gave meds, but didnt work, so 4th wk now i think i need to call spine dr but he doesnt want me to, could this be the changes they are talking about he says his kidneys were fine, but im scared he wouldnt tell me. what changes do i look for. he sleeps alot and tired, doesnt want to eat but once aday, very worried he wants to set in one spot and left alone now, like he knows something, and has been very emotional and crying some, i know this is happening to him not me, but i hurt for him! try to help but i can only do so much i cant fix him, i wish i could. i know he thinks i dont know anything because its him but i feel he doesnt care what he says sometimes, dr has tried to tell him try to be aware of what is around you, but i feel we are in trouble with his injury and moods, im scared of the future and its hard to leave the house and go to work but that is my sanity sometime, of course my eyes are open and my heart is breaking for him and us but i have always done my best for us, hope he knows this, and sometimes i think it is still in there he is just in a bad place right now i know!

    peacegirl

  2. #2
    I'm sorry things are rough right now peacegirl. It does help to talk about it even if to clarify things to ourselves.

  3. #3

  4. #4
    get him to a support group in your area if you have one, also you are welcome on here anytime to talk and vent your frusterations. you are a good wife and caregiver to be so worried about him. it sounds like he needs to talk to someone about how he feels. he also is welcome on here if he wants. please wish him good luck for us we do care about all of the members on here. also good luck to you as well.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
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    Deep down he knows you care about him and only want the best for him. (((hugs))) I don't know why they seem to take it out on us but they do, and its just part of our job to take it. More (((hugs))). I hope for the best for you and him.

  6. #6
    I'm so sorry for your situation. Staying connected to the CC community will help support you with our listening ear. Wish there was more that could be done.

  7. #7
    hello there i can understand from where your coming from
    when injured i not only took it out on my wife but the whole world. my greatest comfort is when i meet and talk face to face with others just like me. its not advice about good deals for disability equip but advice how and what they do in daily living that i absorb.
    the internet is nice but the nothing beats the latter. do you notice that the bad moods flare up when he's bored. At work lecturing in class i forget completely about being disabled, at night and in solitude is when these demons come. funny, i don't know why but during these festive times we can be even more prone to bad moods
    so yes take this advice meet up face to face with people and caregivers who have the same problem.
    BTW i am a T11 complete.
    Last edited by peterf; 12-26-2011 at 01:10 PM.

  8. #8
    Thanks for all good conversations, really aapreciate it. i have got to get this figured out so he can feel a little better, he worrys about me for the futureto but i just work and know he is here, and im sure he has to much time to think, but that means we are alive, i know the pain will get better in time he want let me touch him much but he doesnt feel like it, i think he would rather i would just go away than for me to see him hurt, but im not going anywhereeeeee!, he will love me even more when we ajust more, i know it isnt easy, all things happen will, and god has us going threw this, none of us know what we will have to face, we all have our cross to carry and this is ours, i would do it all over, he trust me so much he says if you say im fine i'm fine, and i tell him often altho i have to know what is panic and what is not fine, i do reserve what i say thank you all so much for caring! these words i read are so kind, and very generous. it is time for me to ask his dr for help with finding resources he needs because some areas i just cant do darn it! thanks to all!


    peacegirl

  9. #9

    "and its just part of our job to take it"

    Quote Originally Posted by MSWIFE1 View Post
    Deep down he knows you care about him and only want the best for him. (((hugs))) I don't know why they seem to take it out on us but they do,and its just part of our job to take it. More (((hugs))). I hope for the best for you and him.
    It's frustrating for me to see comments like this "and its just part of our job to take it".
    First of all, caring for her husband isn't her job. It's something she does either out of necessity, because she loves and respects him or both (Actually, I don't know why she takes care of her husband. My wife takes care of me out of necessity and because she loves and respects me).
    Second, a disability isn't a free pass to treat people badly. So, whether you're a wife/husband, caregiver or next-door neighbor, you have no obligation to put up with being treated badly. In fact, I think the person with the disability has a bigger obligation to make sure his/her caregiver knows they are appreciated.

    Everyone has bad moods from time to time and in relationships it is typical to hurt the ones you love. That doesn't mean it's acceptable to put up with it indefinitely.

    In my opinion, if I hire a professional caregiver it's their job to meet my needs. If you're my wife, family member or friend caring for me, you're doing me a favor. I've been a C4-5 quadriplegic for 22 years now and I greatly appreciate the sacrifices my wife and family make for me. I always thank them for their care and I make sure they know I appreciate it.

    Sometimes, in a situation like this you might have to tell it like it is. A little tough love if you will. Tell your husband how you feel. Tell him you don't appreciate the way he's treating you and that it's not acceptable. Obviously, you want him to know that you're on his side and you're there to help. I find that talking with my wife on a regular basis makes things a lot easier. If that doesn't work you guys need to get professional help.

    I've seen too many situations where the person with the disability treats their caregivers badly. In my experience good caregivers are hard to find.

    Lastly, I think your heart is in the right place. And I'm sure you do the best you can. But, you have to take care of yourself.

  10. #10
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    He doesn't have a right to treat you badly. He is suffering, but some of that suffering is a choice. he is choosing to stay miserable. A person can put up with bad treatment only so long.

    please tell him he is invited to come and tell it like it is. Does he not use a computer?
    I hope you did have a nice christmas anyway.

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