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Thread: I have a question

  1. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Rochester, NY
    very well said, jody. i've had my share(still do) of tragedy and family members being jerks. but i'm glad that i'm succeeding in life. it aint always rosy and just because i'm in a great place now, i wont forget where i came from. some ppl don't have an easy breezy life and when they complain about it, then that's ok. it's easy to decipher when someone is venting due to stress or just wanting to be miserable. to lump them all in one category does them all a disservice.
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"

  2. #12

    I think this is a complicated issue. Everyone who's truly close to a person with a disability, be that as a friend, a family member, or something else, is going to have some trouble dealing with that at *some* point. I can't tell from your profile exactly why you use a chair, but I'm guessing that part of the reason nobody you know still makes an issue out of it is the fact that you've been using it for so long.

    I would be very surprised if your parents didn't struggle with the fact that you suddenly found yourself needing a wheelchair when it first happened. But now, it's just part of who you are -- it's likely they don't even notice it anymore.

    Then there's the question of how you yourself handle the chair -- or anything else related to your disability. I've found that when I don't make a big deal out of my chair, other people tend to quickly pick up on that, and just go on pretending it's not there. But whether or not you can distance yourself from your gimpy body to such an extent, depends entirely on the question of whether you've been able to accept yourself the way you are yet. That's generally easier to do for people who have been in the chair for a very long time, or better yet, who never really knew anything else. It's also easier for someone like me -- someone for whom life *in* the chair has some definite practical advantages over everything that came before it. There are things I am capable of now that I was never able to do before my wheelchair. That's not true for most people who end up in a chair. They experience genuine loss and not much to compensate for it, and they need time to mourn that loss.

    And yes, people who just plain can't deal with 'abnormalities' definitely do exist. They're ashamed of their 'crippled' family members. They consider them an inconvenience more than anything else. They feel frustrated when confronted with a problem they can't solve, and they express that frustration in completely unacceptable ways. I've seen some of that in my life, from a lot closer by than I would have liked.

    Just because you never ran into that kind of behavior, or because you did and you don't remember it, doesn't mean people who do find themselves in that kind of environment are just looking at it from the wrong angle.

    Be happy to find yourself surrounded by people who seem to accept you as you are. Help other people look at the world from a different perspective when you think you can. But don't judge them for not seeing things your way, because you won't know what their life is like until you've lived it.

  3. #13
    I honestly dont believe that my family handles my disability so well becuase ive been this way so long. I have a cousin in kidney failure and gets hooked up to a machine 3 times a week, he has tubes in his arms and my family or his looks at him differently, they aren't ashamed of the tubes or him.

  4. #14
    Moderator jody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    east o the southern warren
    I guess your asking does (everyone) have it so bad, is what bugs me. you know everyone does'nt. (pease dont get upset, Im not trying to pick a fight or anything.

    I can tell you that many who come here start out very negative, and over time get to be some very encouraging and positive members.

    I think it is because of the support they get here. the positive responses, and ideas to change ones situation. the affirmation that yes that does suck, but what can be done to change it? notice with even the most negative posts, there are those who add positive responses. I can tell you, I was feeling a lot more negative about my life and future when I first arrived at carecure than I do now.

    I hated telling my friends here I was homeless, I didnt want to worry anyone. I needed the prayers though.
    I didnt tell anyone of the fires, in 04 and 07, though they were devistating. the second on was just too sad to share here at the time as it was christmas and we almost all died. however in my absence people knew something was wrong. and when I let out those things happened, a couple people said why didnt you tell anyone?!!

    I think a lot of suicides have been prevented here. I know mine was. I didnt tell a soul I was suicidal until years later, but just being here learning about my injury level, and meeting others who got through it ok was really a life saver.

    It is nice to know though that people are safe and loved in their homes with their families.
    Dont you think the positive posts far out number the negative?

  5. #15
    to lump them all in one category does them all a disservice.[/QUOTE]

    I agree. It's easy to tell the difference in those who enjoy being miserable and those who are having a rough patch and need support. Attitude is what makes the difference in whether they move forward or not.
    DFW TEXAS- T-10 since March 20th, 1994

  6. #16
    i agree

  7. #17
    sometimes when i come to this site i feel like i am disliked and hated because i dont let my disability stop me....and because i am a happy person with a good attitude.

  8. #18
    I don't think you are disliked. I think you come off as arrogant sometimes to others. There are very positive people here who live on their own, own their own companies, married terrific people and balance their life and challenges very well. Some could say that you haven't experienced the real world since you still live at home and do have that wonderful support that you are so blessed to have. You also do not have as extreme of a challenge from your disability as others have. It's rarely an apples to apples comparison of what each of us encounter in our lives. It's not about whether or not you are liked. It's about what you have to contribute to the site or learn from the site. It is sometimes precieved that you are judgemental rather than a contributor or a learner.
    Last edited by offroaderswife; 12-20-2011 at 04:32 PM.
    DFW TEXAS- T-10 since March 20th, 1994

  9. #19
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2001
    Someplace between Nowhere and Goodbye
    Wow, disliked and hated?? No way, but I do think you doth protest too much, i.e. you always are trying to convince others how well you have it.

    Imo, either you don't have it so well and are trying to compensate, or you do have it very well, but don't seem to have much empathy for those higher level injuries whose life is about 1000 times more difficult than yours - and not much empathy for people whose family treat them like shit. You think those people like reading all the time about how good you have it, and how well your family treats you?

    It's hard to be a beaming ray of sunshine when you can't move anything and are sitting in a pile of shit and piss, and have a crappy aide who didn't show up, so there you sit until god knows when...

    Just try to be more circumspect, please. You don't have to listen to me, I'm just another booby, but my words should ring true to you.
    Quote Originally Posted by dispatchjen View Post
    sometimes when i come to this site i feel like i am disliked and hated because i dont let my disability stop me....and because i am a happy person with a good attitude.
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  10. #20
    Moderator jody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    east o the southern warren
    I dont hate or dislike you.

    ....just sayin

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