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Thread: Life Sucks

  1. #71
    Ignore the person here that has not grasped your circumstances and the fact that you live in another country where things are different. Some people have big egos and no compassion. Don't waste you time.

  2. #72
    I was quite hurt but Linda and ~Lin 's comments have motivated me to reply again. Thank you guys! You people rock!!!

    One thing that I can't emphasize enough is that it is NOT that I don't want to do the laundry or do the dishes, it is that in India, the system to do all this is different.

    Second, about living alone, then you will have to understand that I have spina bifida, with many medical problems. My body is not fully developed. When I sit, I am as high as a 7 year old. I don't have full strength in my body either. It is enough for rolling a wheelchair, but there are so many things that I find myself incapable of doing, which gets so ridiculously frustrating sometimes.

    I know, many of you will say that you have seen many spina bifida patients doing everything for themselves, but you have to understand that every SB patient is different.

    I do not make excuses. I completed my schooling from a regular school and never lagged behind in my studies or made excuses. Even now, I am working from home, but I am not given any concessions or special treatments. I get projects on the basis of my work and my clients don't even know my condition.

  3. #73
    I don't think you are making excuses all. Every SCI is unique as I imagine every SB is.
    It is really callous to compare like it is some high moral ground or something.
    Venting your frustration was not an invitation for lectures.

  4. #74
    Quote Originally Posted by jody View Post

    I cant disagree with what is said above, but I think the delivery could be kinder.

    I think that it IS very important that you learn to cath your self and do other personal things for your self.
    Folding laundry is good for your arms, hands and upper body, it isnt a gym workout, but better than doing nothing, and it is grown up.
    one person less to do laundry for, even just the folding and putting away, is just nice for your mom not to have to do. My kids were small when I was injured, and had to learn to do their own laundry, and help with putting some things away. I finally quite doing their laundry completely when they were teenagers, because I got sick of finding folded clean launddry mix in with dirty.
    I dont fold things as neetly as I used to, but it gets done. I cannot raise my left arm very high, and my left thumb is some what paralized, so I know I am challenged but can still and must do laundry.

    is there a way for you to accept suggestions and not let the more abrasive comments affect you?

    I find I cannot keep up with housework at all now, with my latest set back, and I think I may even need some help with the vacuume and with scrubbing the tub, but I can mop ok. I think you won't be viewed as an adult until you start doing some adult things.

    Dishes are not impossible ether. while im not saying you should do all the family dishes, what if you just put away the clean ones that you can reach, or washed only the table dishes? sharing chores with your mom, puts you into an adult persons shoes.

    can you prepare meals? If you could, that again proves you can care for your own needs, and so must be looked at as a grown person rather than a dependant person.

    what are you willing to try?

    I think number one should be learning to cath your own self.

    Thank you jody for agreeing and your right i might have done it much kinder but I am very frustrated by the fact that she seems not able to do anything.....I see potential in her since she is able to make her own money...what concerns me is that she seems childish and doesn't do things on her own. I know that the culture is different but she hasn't said anythign about the reason for her not washing dishes or laundry or even cath herself being cultural. Is it cultural the reason you dont' do these things?????? I know the feeling of being small i am small myself but i still can fold laundry, wash or dry dishes sweep the floor....Can you brush your hair and bath yourself? I am trying to understand what your situation is. In my opinion you are not going to be consider and treated as an adult until you not only learn to do things on your own BUT also you need to start acting like an adult and not hide in the bathroom crying, not eating to get back at someone and yelling "I hate you".
    Last edited by dispatchjen; 12-23-2011 at 03:56 PM.

  5. #75
    One of the problems is that you don't compare yourself with another similarly disabled person, because we aren't all alike, you fail to say whether the person has a shunt or or the person has a shunt Bifida.htm. You fail also to say whether the person has your intellectual capacity, often spinabifida goes with intellectual disabilities . Also many people with birthdefects develop learnt helplessness as a way of protecting themselves. What you appear to be saying is that you can do these things so she should. Maybe you need to re assess yourself, the problem is that she may not have had your life experiences and dis/advantages, educationally, developmentally, her verbal skills may be great but she may have had little education. You sound as if you have a saviour complex. You make comparisons as if we each have to conform tto some sort of standard, some sort of yard stick using yourself as a yard stick.

  6. #76
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Rochester, NY
    my mom didnt allow me to to do a lot either. as kids we were allowed to cook, or do laundry. she'd yell at me for doing dishes as i didnt do them "her way".

    i got into a huge fight over some cinnamon. i love buttered toasted with cinnamon and sugar on top. so i'd leave the cinnamon in the lazy susan or the counter where i could reach. well mom's husband would put it up in the high cabinet where i couldnt reach. so i'd get the long wooden sppon, get a rubberband and attach a fork to it, then use that to reach up and knock it down. sometimes i knocked down a lot of things along with it. i'd put the stuff i knocked down on the counter and then made my toast.

    well mom's husband got ANGRY about this one day. yelling at me that if i wanted the cinnamon, i should ask. that it should be in the high cabinet as it's neater that way. and they are there to 'help' me and i needed to stop being stubborn.

    i countered with "of you really want to help me, then just leave the cinnamon where i can reach it and then i wouldnt make such a mess of things."

    he accused me of purposefully doing this because i didnt like him, and that my attitude was poor and i needed to 'grow up' and blah blah blah. he bitched to my mom, who agreed and told me i needed to leave the house.

    over some cinnamon. i told her that no i wouldnt leave the house and that his blowing up over some toast was dumb. and she was all "it isnt about the toast but your poor attitude" and i said "gee, i didnt realize wanting to do things on my own constituted poor attitude." that was my 21st birthday. i found a place a year later and moved out.

    is your room big? when your mom moves your chair to the other side of the room, can you create something to pull the chair over to you? can u purchase weights so u can do exercises to build up your strength?
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"

  7. #77
    I had to do heaps of stuff like everymorning before school, with the wheelbarrow, go accross the road to get the wheel barrow of horse manure, come home and empty it.

  8. #78
    Quote Originally Posted by Life&Roll View Post
    I was quite hurt but Linda and ~Lin 's comments have motivated me to reply again. Thank you guys! You people rock!!!
    From late 1997 (injured) to summer of 2005 (Katrina forced us out of our house and into apartments, and finally a new home), I didn't take baths or shit independently. The only bathroom I had access to was on the second floor of my house. Today, I bathe and do all those things for myself, why? I have access to a bathroom.

    This is exactly why I don't bother judging another person's independence from online. You can't possibly imagine what is preventing a person from doing it, unless it's all purely mental, which even then could be just cause for a doctor to look into.

  9. #79
    I guess, some people here enjoy browbeating people for their own satisfaction, without fully knowing the situation of other person. I no longer wish to reply to them.

    @Cryptic - That incident was like it was taken from my own life. You have motivated me to assert myself. I have been so caught up in the woes of my health and all that I have not paid much attention towards asserting my independence. But now, I wish and plan to do it more and more.

    And guess what! I have taken the first step. I have told my mom that I will no longer accept her help in getting on my chair from my bed. I said it in a way that she knew I mean business. I told her that it is necessary for me to do it on my own and if you don't let me, I will not move and won't let her move me. It worked!!!

    Also, I have told her to buy and shelf for the kitchen where I will keep all the stuff that I need to make a sandwich or noodles (the only 2 things I can make in my kitchen).

  10. #80
    Quote Originally Posted by Le Type Fran├žais View Post
    From late 1997 (injured) to summer of 2005 (Katrina forced us out of our house and into apartments, and finally a new home), I didn't take baths or shit independently. The only bathroom I had access to was on the second floor of my house. Today, I bathe and do all those things for myself, why? I have access to a bathroom.
    Exactly. That is so right. Many people can't understand the problems of not having accessibility. It is not what I don't want to do, it is what I can't do.

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