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Thread: Life Sucks

  1. #61
    Quote Originally Posted by Life&Roll View Post
    I ask them to spend just one day like me, you know staying at home all day and not being able to do whatever they like. But they make fun of it and say that they would love a life where they won't have to do anything. My mom says she is already living a confined life because of me and I don't have to taunt her.

    Yes, I know what you are thinking They don't understand and they don't want to understand.
    I am so sorry that their view is like this it is still hard for me to accept that the only person I can change is myself. It makes it hard when others views are hurtful and disrespectful to think life is easy to be bound by a wheelchair.

  2. #62
    Quote Originally Posted by dispatchjen View Post
    In this post you say you are strong and active but in others you state that you can't do things for yourself????? so which is it? Maybe the problem is that your parents know you can do more for yourself but you choose not to and that is hard on them. There are things now that my family refuse to do for me because they know i can do it myself why would i want to add more for them to do when i can do it myself. I was taught at an early age to be as indepentant as possible. I love them and i do what i can for myself I dont expect them to do everything for me simply becuase im disabled. now i agree what they say to you is harsh and i hate that you have to go through that but Saying that they dont love you because of a few incidents and becasue you can't go see a star is very childish. That is something a child would say because they didnt get their way. Do you not consider all they do for you? They could very well put you in a place and not visit you at all. Is that what you want? the fact that they take care of you should show their love. Everyone has their ups and downs in life us as disabled and those that are with us.....

    Being in the mall on a normal day is nothing like it will be if a star is there? There may not be mall workers able to help you. And no we all should not stay at home becuase the worst case sernio can happen i am saying that you should become more indepentant then get mad when your parents treat you this way. If you can prove to them that you are completely capable of taking care of yourself and then they refuse then you have something to complain about. If i couldnt even get myself in and out of my chair the my parents would have every reason to be cautious of me going somewhere. And as far as they let your brother go places unable to be indepentant and in a chair? If he can take care of his needs then sure let him go....if you can't even cath your self or get in and out of your chair you need to learn then go where you want when you want
    You have not understood my problem yet. It's not that they think I should do more for myself, it's that they think I should not even think about doing that's inconvenience to them. When I said I can't do much for myself, I meant in terms of living alone.

    Life in India is not like life in US. It is not possible for me to travel alone, do my own laundry, wash dishes etc. I know you can't comprehend this, because you have not lived here. I am sure there must me 100s of problems that you face that I can't comprehend either.

    But I can and do take care of myself on wheelchair in wheelchair friendly areas. A mall would not have been any problem at all. I want to learn more skills, but mom refuses to cooperate. For e.g., I can shift myself from my bed to my chair because the level is just right, but she still refuses to let me do this on my own. She specifically parks the chair away from me and insists that she will help me get on to it.

    And when I say that they don't love me, it is not based on few incidents. It is the every little thing that's done, said and left unsaid that makes me feel that way. I see the respect and care rendered to my siblings and then, I see the behavior given to me. The difference is uncanny. I can assure you that being the oldest child, I used to be much more caring and loving towards my parents, but this change in behavior for the last couple of years has finally managed to break my heart.

  3. #63
    Quote Originally Posted by Le Type Fran├žais View Post
    Pens? I saw him naked, to be honest.
    ha ha... Here's something for you then.

  4. #64
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    ooogah!

  5. #65
    Why can't you wash dishes? Do laundry? Have you ever tried things on your own? A few years ago I got out of my van alone after working 12 hour night shift well i flipped over in my Chair end up in the er with two cat scans was dizy for a week. After that my mother understandablly was worried about me getting out of my van and it happening again so she didnt want me to try it alone. Do you really think that I stopped doing it alone? even with her objecting i still did it....I showed her that I could do it alone. Can you go to the bathroom alone if your at the mall. I think that you arent more indepentant not only because of your parents but also becuase you refuse to try. I am sure that things are alot different there compared to the US BUT stop acting like a child crying in the bathroom and screaming I HATE you...your parents may say horrible things to you but you are no better....you say things to them that are just as bad. You are 27 years old but you are acting like a 12 year old GROW UP. you say she puts the chair out of your reach..crawl to it make an effort show them you can do. Like others have said people with SB can do more than you are doing....Maybe if you did more and didn't whine like a child that your parents wouldn't feel like you were a burden....Being disabled is difficult im in a chair also but its not easy on your parents either. i have alot of respect for anyone parents that have a disabled child and dont stick them in a nursing home.....it takes a strong person to handle seeing your child this way.....its stressful for those that are diabled but also for those that love us.

  6. #66
    Quote Originally Posted by dispatchjen View Post
    i have alot of respect for anyone parents that have a disabled child and dont stick them in a nursing home.
    Oh, Jesus!

  7. #67
    Quote Originally Posted by dispatchjen View Post
    Why can't you wash dishes? Do laundry? Have you ever tried things on your own? A few years ago I got out of my van alone after working 12 hour night shift well i flipped over in my Chair end up in the er with two cat scans was dizy for a week. After that my mother understandablly was worried about me getting out of my van and it happening again so she didnt want me to try it alone. Do you really think that I stopped doing it alone? even with her objecting i still did it....I showed her that I could do it alone. Can you go to the bathroom alone if your at the mall. I think that you arent more indepentant not only because of your parents but also becuase you refuse to try. I am sure that things are alot different there compared to the US BUT stop acting like a child crying in the bathroom and screaming I HATE you...your parents may say horrible things to you but you are no better....you say things to them that are just as bad. You are 27 years old but you are acting like a 12 year old GROW UP. you say she puts the chair out of your reach..crawl to it make an effort show them you can do. Like others have said people with SB can do more than you are doing....Maybe if you did more and didn't whine like a child that your parents wouldn't feel like you were a burden....Being disabled is difficult im in a chair also but its not easy on your parents either. i have alot of respect for anyone parents that have a disabled child and dont stick them in a nursing home.....it takes a strong person to handle seeing your child this way.....its stressful for those that are diabled but also for those that love us.
    I am tired of making you understand my problems, but you seem to be adamant on blaming me. You are bordering on insensitive now. Are you actually trying to tell me that I am deliberately trying too be a burden on my parents? Are you seriously saying that I really know how to do all the work but too lazy to do all this?

    Maa'm or Sir, I work for 16 hours a day. I have made myself financially independent without even 1% of anybody else's help. I do whatever I can and constantly think of new ways to make myself independent. I contribute financially, emotionally in my family and try to make everybody feel good.

    Thank you, so much for making me feel like hell all over again. Thanks for saying that I should be happy I was not stuck in a nursing home. This makes me feel so good.

    You are a very nice person. Thank you.

  8. #68
    Hi Mate
    posting in a public forum always opens up a pandoras box for responses.
    don't take odd comments too seriously.

  9. #69
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    sigh.


    I cant disagree with what is said above, but I think the delivery could be kinder.

    I think that it IS very important that you learn to cath your self and do other personal things for your self.
    Folding laundry is good for your arms, hands and upper body, it isnt a gym workout, but better than doing nothing, and it is grown up.
    one person less to do laundry for, even just the folding and putting away, is just nice for your mom not to have to do. My kids were small when I was injured, and had to learn to do their own laundry, and help with putting some things away. I finally quite doing their laundry completely when they were teenagers, because I got sick of finding folded clean launddry mix in with dirty.
    I dont fold things as neetly as I used to, but it gets done. I cannot raise my left arm very high, and my left thumb is some what paralized, so I know I am challenged but can still and must do laundry.

    is there a way for you to accept suggestions and not let the more abrasive comments affect you?

    I find I cannot keep up with housework at all now, with my latest set back, and I think I may even need some help with the vacuume and with scrubbing the tub, but I can mop ok. I think you won't be viewed as an adult until you start doing some adult things.

    Dishes are not impossible ether. while im not saying you should do all the family dishes, what if you just put away the clean ones that you can reach, or washed only the table dishes? sharing chores with your mom, puts you into an adult persons shoes.

    can you prepare meals? If you could, that again proves you can care for your own needs, and so must be looked at as a grown person rather than a dependant person.

    what are you willing to try?

    I think number one should be learning to cath your own self.
    Last edited by jody; 12-23-2011 at 02:38 PM.

  10. #70
    Senior Member ~Lin's Avatar
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    Life: I think in your first post you sounded immature. I was shocked you were 27. I think you have since clarified things and certain posters can't grasp the difference culturallly.

    sometimes you are just not allowed to do things living in someone elses house. And our culture makes it difficult to understand not being able to just leave. It was said to crawl to th chair... She stated her mom parks it away and insists to help, what do you want her to do physically fight her mom off? And if she doesn't do it already, I foresee her mom removing the chair from the room when it's not in use so that things can continue to be done HER way.

    as for laundry, she said she's not allowed to do it. While I did my own laundry starting very young, my mom was a control freak and did not allow me to use the kitchen. She also didn't cook me dinners. So I might have grown up living off pb and j. Instead I cooked when she wasn't home so she would never known. I would hide leftovers in my room, and sneak food from the kitchen under my clothes if she was home. She also didn't allow food outside the kitchen. Once she took a pan of brownies in my room and broke them up and rubbed them in my bed and tossed the covers over the top. I was pretty shocked when I got home. My mom was also abusive so I'm hoping Life's mom isn't as unstable, but I completely understand just not being allowed to do certain things. If my scenerio had been different, I would have been forced to eat nothing but sandwiches until I moved out. (I left at 17)
    Board Member of Assistance Dog Advocacy Project working in Education. Feel free to ask me any service dog questions!

    I am not paralyzed. I have a genetic connective tissue disorder with neuro complications and a movement disorder.

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