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Thread: Right where it hurts

  1. #11
    Senior Member grommet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Unfortunatley, that's a question I ask myself in terms of what I can do for my girlfriend. When I wonder about her taking care of me, I wonder what I can do to take care of her. She says I do a lot. I work on accepting.

    Feeling valuable as a person when you have a disability is a challenge for lot's of people. I'm not one bit different but for the chair. Disability doesn't, IMO, make people better or worse people. It is easier for AB's to feel automatically superior to us because they can physically do more but it's a cheap way of looking at things. It says something about them and I guess about some of us, when we believe it.

  2. #12
    The whole them/ us AB's vs. Gimps whatever is a useless and harmful stereotype. Some people are cruel and are going to say cruel things. Either avoid them or tell them to STFU.

    No one gets thru life without pain. But if you marginalize yourself, are ashamed and uncomfortable with yourself because of disability, you'll make others feel uneasy. The 'able-bodied' people you meet are probably more at ease with your being disabled than you yourself are. Plus they have their own worries, fears, mental and physical health issues.

  3. #13
    My friends more or less distanced themselves from me and ultimately abandoned me after my injury. I considered them to be very close friends as well. I was always the strong one though and never really needed much help or support before my injury. People are very superficial and don't really think deeply about the impact they cause to others. Especially when someone is feeling vulnerable. I don't understand it because I think I would still care about someone if they were in my shoes. It's hard to find good friends.

    Going after someones weakest spot is just petty and an easy low-blow.

  4. #14
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2002
    Windsor ON Canada
    On the other hand KeepGoing, the same thing happens to AB's (able-bodied) in that time span from high school to job/family etc.

    Have you tried to reach out? Asking for help is the most difficult part.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  5. #15
    Friends come in three (3) forms:

    1. A reason
    2. A season
    3. A lifetime

    Those that last a lifetime are very rare, maybe two or three. Those that last a season of your life (shared experience) are a little more plentiful but the connection isn't very deep. Those that are there for a reason (work for the same co, live in your neighborhood) are typically temporary and pretty one-dimensional / superficial.

    My advice is to focus and support the 'lifetime' friends, tolerate the 'reasons' for a long as comfortable and change with the 'seasons' letting old ones go and new ones in. I find it pretty cathartic, especially given the challenges of our injuries, to just keep rolling along and follow the latin adage: "Illegitimus Non Carborundum" which means: "Don't let the bastards grind you down"

    Onward & Upward,


  6. #16
    I would not put it down to Ab people, since injury my most insulting comments come from others like me. honestly those friends who i had considered as nerdy gave me the most support, the cool guys and girls where all mouth but never committed to do anything.

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