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Thread: Right where it hurts

  1. #1

    Right where it hurts

    Over the past 2 years I've gotten into 4 major arguements and fallings out with various friends over various (unrelated) reasons.

    I've noticed that my closest friends, much like strangers, like to hit me right where it hurts. They ALWAYS mention the disability even when it has nothing to do with anything, but just to say YOU are in a chair HAHAHA but not in so many words, but some of them do say that.

    like "yeah, okay, I know you're in a wheel-chair ___"
    or "you think being paralyzed entitles you ___"

    that's not even the worst of it, sadly.

    is it a GUY thing? or what?

    to me it is akin to saying YO I CAN SEE THE COLOR BLUE! to a blind person... it's just ... wrong... it's out of line. It is the unsaid rules of the world to not go that far, y'know?

    there are no rules anymore, no lines, no boundaries.

    people are so cruel

  2. #2
    Agreed Guys can be insensitive bastards
    i prefer to hand around women and not only for the view.

  3. #3
    Nope, it is not a guy thing, women say the same thing.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  4. #4
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    It sounds to me like they're thinking you are trying to pull something over on them, taking advantage somehow of being in the chair. If you think this is unfounded, maybe you could try just talking to them about it.

    Do you know something about which one of them feels vulnerable? I'm not at all suggestng you exploit that, but only use it to try to help make him understand. " I wonder why you guys always seem to bring up my wheelchair. Do you really think that's one of my most defining characteristics? Do you think I try to milk it somehow? You know how you feel like your mother never seems to think you're good enough? How would you feel if I were to bring up all the time that difficulty in your life?"

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by diaspora View Post
    Over the past 2 years I've gotten into 4 major arguements and fallings out with various friends over various (unrelated) reasons.

    I've noticed that my closest friends, much like strangers, like to hit me right where it hurts. They ALWAYS mention the disability even when it has nothing to do with anything, but just to say YOU are in a chair HAHAHA but not in so many words, but some of them do say that.

    like "yeah, okay, I know you're in a wheel-chair ___"
    or "you think being paralyzed entitles you ___"

    that's not even the worst of it, sadly.

    is it a GUY thing? or what?

    to me it is akin to saying YO I CAN SEE THE COLOR BLUE! to a blind person... it's just ... wrong... it's out of line. It is the unsaid rules of the world to not go that far, y'know?

    there are no rules anymore, no lines, no boundaries.

    people are so cruel
    Why do you consider these people "closest friends?" In my experience closest friends don't say things like that. It may be time for some new friends.

    All the best,
    GJ

  6. #6
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Last year my sister and I got into a spat and she turns out from nowhere, "I'm sorry I'm not disabled too but I'm not!" WTF? Ohhhhkay.

    My brother that I just started speaking with this year after 20yrs of non-speaking is grating on my nerves by using the terms, "wheelchair people" and "p-bag" as well. I've struck back with "Wait until it's your turn." He's diabetic ... we watched our mother get pieces of her foot and leg hacked off and then her kidneys failed before she died so he knows exactly what I mean. He shuts up then.

    These are the people that are supposed to be supportive .. lol! No wonder I left home at 18 and never returned!

    Life is short and I simply haven't the time for 'friends' like you describe either.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  7. #7
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    Last edited by peterf; 12-12-2011 at 09:37 AM.

  8. #8
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    I had a friend say to another friend, that he would" do me" other friend gets a disgusted look and says whay? peglegs and all?! ew.

    I wonder if that led to my falling hard for her guy? she was having her own affairs, so he was neglected. I had never ever behaved that way, but well, we had been good friends, and I justified it in my head.

    Im sorry for that now, but I also dont give a crap about what people think of my peglegs, Maffo's, leg braces, or whatever.

    they will never really get it, some people. I dont have more than a handfull of friends.
    the ones I have would proly clobber anyone who tried to throw my physical deficiencies in my face for no good reason.

  9. #9
    Senior Member fromnwmont's Avatar
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    I would have to agree it is mostly a guy thing!! as boys we were never allowed to show emotions like crying or pain, when the old man took a belt to you, you just had to take your medicine!!! so we were not taught how to deal with these kinds of feelings, all we have to fall back on when "things get personal" is to lash out the same way we did when we were 10yrs old... at least thats how i make sense of it... Although i am NOT trying to make excuses for MEAN. ignorant people, sometimes people get so comfortable around you they speak without thinking what they said includes you but that does not appear what happened here, I would be reexamining my close "friends list"
    Last edited by fromnwmont; 12-12-2011 at 12:36 PM.

  10. #10
    @lyn; "I'm sorry I'm not disabled too but I'm not!"
    yeah, when that is said without reason, it's just a jab to say YOU are disabled, but not in so many words.


    cruelty comes in a lot of shapes and sizes and forms.
    1 year after my accident I was going to a store that had wheel-chairs and what not. The owner was a very high level quad. He was an active guy and a happy go-lucky person. My mother saw his wife, who was quite beautiful, and upon finding out she married him AFTER his accident she said "what is she doing with him? it's not like he can do anything for her..." I was only 13 or 14 at the time but I remember that hurt me so badly, my mother thinking that people like myself are useless and have nothing to offer.
    She is a great lady and supportive, it was just a passing thing she said without thinking that lead me to see her true thought-process, and sadly, what peoples in general is

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