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Thread: What would you do?

  1. #11
    Senior Member anban's Avatar
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    I'm sure there's a lot we don't know 'bout your family, but the whole focus of Thanksgiving is the eating TOGETHER. Can you roll up next to the table and use a lap tray- or cookie sheet- to hold your plate?

  2. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by crypticgimp View Post
    just because they are old, does't give them license to be rude. in fact, at their age, they should know better! i'd discuss this with your family. a small thing like that makes one feel excluded by their family.

    YEAH cryptic! ! no excuse ..even bigots can change on their death bed ..never too old to admit you are wrong. and make amends. If they cannot accomodate you...JUST DONT GO> (I am still having a hissy fit for you!)
    "The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” ~Carlos Castaneda

  3. #13
    I'm not a fan of the "they are old" argument either. How old do you have to be to get a pass on your behavior, compassion, and love for your family members (especially if you are not mentally incapacitated). However old that is, I don't want to get there.

    All the best,
    GJ

  4. #14
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
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    Old is not an excuse. That's just plain ass mean and disrespectful of you. You're not a second class citizen because of your injury. Educate your folks, let 'em know how you feel. I wish you a happy Thanksgiving.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member ~Lin's Avatar
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    I would say that if they want me to sit alone on the porch, I will take that as them trying to tell me they don't want me there and so will not be attending.

    I also think the whole age thing is NOT an excuse! Wow!

    I've had to have a similar conversation with my father and stepmother once. I was invited to Thanksgiving, but told I would have to leave my service dog in the garage this year. I replied that asking me to leave my SD in the garage was like asking me to leave my wheelchair in the garage, and if she was unwelcome then I would consider myself unwelcome as well. Thats all I said on the matter, and I later heard from my dad that my step mom had changed her mind. Then I just had to spend the day reminding my dad to NOT pet Tessa while she's working!!
    Board Member of Assistance Dog Advocacy Project working in Education. Feel free to ask me any service dog questions!

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  6. #16
    Senior Member Timaru's Avatar
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    OK, rights and wrongs aside and just a practical suggestion; couldn't you sit at the big table with your plate on a tray on your lap?

    For the record I think their attitude stinks!

  7. #17
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    the only time you get a pass when your old is with your diet. if you're over 80 and want to have an extra piece of pie then screw calories or cholesterol. eat up!

    one year for xmas my mother told me it was too much of a hassle and bother to come get me for xmas, then demanded that i rearrange my schedule for boxing day(my friends all get together as that is our xmas) to accommodate her. i said no, if i'm too much of a bother for her then she doesnt get to see me. i spent xmas with my best friend and her family that year.
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
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  8. #18
    I am a bit unsettled about this. If I request an accommodation and the response is no, my response is "why" or "what is the problem?" It would not matter if it was my parents or a complete stranger. Is there "the rest of the story" that might clarify your situation?
    You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
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  9. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by crypticgimp View Post
    just because they are old, does't give them license to be rude. in fact, at their age, they should know better! i'd discuss this with your family. a small thing like that makes one feel excluded by their family.
    They are not rude, they don't understand. I have done things for me parents noone will believe, like making a whole Christmas dinner sitting on the floor in my parents' appartment and the wheelchair in my car outside because my parents couldn't accept the chair. Next Christmas my father was dead and my mother in a nursing home.

    Would it have been better if I had been quarreling with them. My mother with Alzheimer and my father crying because he was sure it was the last Christmas we were celebrating all together. My daughter was running her feet off for helping out, makeing the table, but she had never made the Christmas food before.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  10. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by woman from Europe View Post
    They are not rude, they don't understand. I have done things for me parents noone will believe, like making a whole Christmas dinner sitting on the floor in my parents' appartment and the wheelchair in my car outside because my parents couldn't accept the chair. Next Christmas my father was dead and my mother in a nursing home.

    Would it have been better if I had been quarreling with them. My mother with Alzheimer and my father crying because he was sure it was the last Christmas we were celebrating all together. My daughter was running her feet off for helping out, makeing the table, but she had never made the Christmas food before.
    Being old with a mental condition and family members who are anticipating the eminent death of that family member are a different kettle of fish, than what the original poster, Cris, is describing. From my standpoint, and with the limited information we have about the health of family members and other family dynamics, these "old people", who are Cris's parents are just being rude, insensitive, and cruel.

    All the best,
    GJ

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