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Thread: Feeling suicidal tonite

  1. #1

    Feeling suicidal tonite

    Recently turned 46, 6 years in a wheelchair...Suddenly it feels as if I cannot stand one more minute of sitting. This morning I was bothered that, in the interest of economy and helping others, I never got to show off my beautiful ankles and feet in killer pumps...I always wore cheap flat shoes. I looked at my feet this am and they looked like purple sausages. I am aware that I sound mentally deranged in this post.
    And the never ending pain...the ax on my right hip, the knitting needle twisting in my left hip, my legs boiling and my upper back being stabbed at intervals
    How much more is it possible to endure?

  2. #2
    Maybe you can wait it out? Not saying it will get better forever, but better until the next big wave. Ebb and flow.

    Your 666 post. You can beat this devil tonight.
    Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know that, so it goes on flying anyways--Mary Kay Ash

  3. #3
    Stay strong Cripply. What may be our worst night can turn into our best day tomorrow. It's tough, we're here to support you thru this as you will us at some point.

    I trust you are a beautiful woman because I'm not sure if I want to look at a man's ankles wearing pumps; him wearing them not me.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
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    Set your clock back tonight and grab an extra hours sleep in the morning. The new day will bring new chances to find joy.

  5. #5
    You don't sound deranged at all. I miss looking at my legs on the rail of my balcony, outside smoking in the cold, all toned from riding a bike all day. I miss having a nice ass. All I can do now is watch my quad-belly grow. :/

    Please don't give up tonight. There will be better moments coming.

  6. #6
    thanks folks...just reading these posts lights up a bit that flame in the soul that burns so low...I'll make it to tomorrow, for my children, my dogs, and other people that rely on me.
    but I am tired..........

  7. #7
    You do the best you can. That's all that matters. This is not an easy life nor is it fair. I get the impression that you will be able to ride this out.

    Be well.
    The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit the bottom
    --General George Patton

    Complex problems need to be solved collectively.
    ––Paul Nussbaum
    usc87.blogspot.com

  8. #8
    It is very hard to be young and disabled...and it is very hard to be old and disabled, but what do you do in between, it can be very hard. I hope that soon you will find a niche for yourself. Snuffing it just isn't the answer. Stay with us here, all of us at Care Cure Community can help.

    All the best,
    GJ

  9. #9
    Hang in there Cripply. It is good to reach out and let others know how you feel.

  10. #10
    I've been suicidal a few times in my life for various reasons. That 'black dog' chases everyone from time to time. It's totally indiscriminate when it chooses to bite.

    It's hard to grasp that life is great sometimes, even in the blackest moments there is light. When you find yourself stuck deep in depression again, try to find one good thing. A caramel, a funny photo, a song that lifts you...anything at all.

    Know you aren't alone in the darkness.
    CCS/Walker C6...it's a long story

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