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Thread: Post a joke

  1. #31
    Senior Member grommet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    How many Park Rangers does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, that's WG not GS.

    I know nobody outside the Parke Service is going to get that, so it's probably the worst joke thye've heard but I had to tell it. It's a silly NPS joke about how compartmentalized things can be, to the point of absurdity. It does get a laugh from the Greenbloods.

    Hey, there had to be at least one really bad joke in this thread ;-)

  2. #32
    Senior Member Timaru's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Hampshire, England.
    A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,

    "Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv any books on suicide?"

    To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says,

    "Fook off, ye'll no bring it back!"

  3. #33
    good one Timaru i love Scottish jokes

    A plane was shot down over Iraq and Saddam Hussain captured a Scotsman,an Englishman and an Australian. Saddam says "I'm not as cruel as George Bush says I am You will be given 50 lashes each but you can have whatever you want on your back"
    The Australian goes first and asks for the finest Kangaroo hide there is to cover his back. This is granted and he receives the kangaroo hide before he receives 50 lashes. His back is all torn and bleeding but he survives.
    The Englishman says "I will take it as it comes I will have nothing on my back and will be proud to bear the scars" he shouts defiantly"Stiff upper lip you know eh what" His wish is granted and he receives his 50 lashes, his back torn and bleeding, his ribs fractured and protruding, a terrible mess to behold.
    "Now Jock It's your turn you have the same choice as the other two what would you like on your back" says Saddam.
    Jock replies quickly and without hesitation "I'll have the Englishman"

  4. #34
    Senior Member flying's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Southern Oregon coast
    If turkey was invaded from the rear, would Greece help.
    T12L1 Incomplete Still here This is the place to be 58 years old

  5. #35
    Marriage is a three ring circus:

    - Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

    Old man ripped off

    One Friday evening a bold, ugly old man walked into a Jewellery shop with a young beautiful bombshell of a woman attached to his arm. My dear to show you how much i love you choose whatever you want from this shop, excited the young lady chose a very very expensive necklace. To make sure he was going to buy it the crafty jeweller asked for a $50 deposit. he would then give the man the necklace when he recieved full payment. Ok dear next Monday you can pick it up. Saturday morning the old man phoned up telling the jeweller that his girlfriend had left him and that the purchase was off. the jeweller explained that he could not recover the deposit, that it was obvious the young girl did not love him, probably said the old man but last night was worth every penny.

  6. #36
    Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
    The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
    "No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

    A girl' first time

    As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
    He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
    He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.
    He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.
    His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
    After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
    You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

    What the hell were you thinking.
    Last edited by peterf; 11-13-2011 at 04:02 AM.

  7. #37
    Hilary Clinton, George Bush, Sarkozy, a boy and a monk were stuck on a plane that is falling fast. They are 5 but there are only 4 parachutes. Hilary said "I'm a woman, you cant leave a woman on a plane to die" so she took one and jumped. Bush said "I'm the smartest in the world, every one needs me" he took one and jumped. Sarkozy blabbed something in french that no one understood, he took one and jumped. The monk tells the boy "You take the last parachute, let me die" the boy said "Why? We can both jump." "How is that?" said the monk. the boy replies, "Because the so called smartest man Bush took my school bag and jumped!!!"

  8. #38
    First Day at School
    It was the first day of kindergarten for little Billy and he was quite apprehensive. He sat at his desk, eyes ringed with tears and trembling. The teacher, a kindly full figured woman, called him to come to her desk and asked him if he wanted to sit on her lap. Billy crawled up on her lap and leaned his head against her ample bosom as she gave him a reassuring hug. The next day Billy was on the playground at recess and was withdrawn from the other children. He walked with his head down rubbing his tear-streaked face. The teacher, a very thin, lean built woman, on playground duty called him to come over to the bench where she was sitting. She asked him if he wanted to sit on her lap. He crawled on to her lap and rested his head against her bony chest as she gave him a hug. He lifted his head and asked her if she had boobies. The teacher said, “why yes, of course I do”. Billy looked at her with questioning eyes and asked, “Will you please bring them tomorrow?”

  9. #39
    "Can't hear or smell"

    An old lady came into her doctor's office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. "I fart all the time , Dr. Johnson, but they're soundless, and they have no odor. In fact, since I've been here, I've farted no less than 20 times. What can I do?" "Here's a prescription, Mrs Baker. Take these pills 3 times a day for 7 days and come back and see me in a week." The next week, an upset Mrs. Baker marched into Dr. Johnson's office. "Doc, I don't know what was in those pills, but the problem is worse! I'm farting just as much, and they're still soundless, but they smell terrible! What do you have to say for yourself?" "Calm down, Mrs. Baker," said the doctor soothingly. " Now that we've fixed your sinuses, we'll work on your hearing."

  10. #40
    Senior Member flying's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Southern Oregon coast
    Clean joke
    Grandma was sitting at the big family reunion. Well she was getting up there in years. Well she started to lean over, so some of the grandsons ran over an propped her up with some pillows. Well she started to lean over the other way, so the grandsons propped her up on the other side. Then she started to lean over frontwards so the young men propped her up in front. Another grandson arrived at the reunion and walked over to grandma and asked her how she was doing. She replied not so good.........They won't let me fart.
    T12L1 Incomplete Still here This is the place to be 58 years old

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