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Thread: Are you a different person post SCI

  1. #11
    I am very bored of SCI-life. I simply don't know what to do with my life except sitting with the computer and look tv. And most of the time I don't feel ok either, just now I have vestibularisnevritis and have had it since July. The world is going upside down and I am afraid to transfer, to shower alone, to go out alone. I don't know how many times I have been dizzy and felt out of the chair.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  2. #12
    Senior Member
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    I am definitly a different person after SCI. I used to be very active (running, biking, hiking, etc.) now I just sit around when I am not at work because being in the chair all day at work just wears me out. The thing I hate worst is when people tell me "it could have been worse" or "there are people much worse than you." I understand those sentiments, but I REALLY don't care how other people have it. I don't get my happiness by comparing what I can do with other people. I only care what I can do personally, so now that my ability is gone, I have become bitter and short tempered. I am just over a year out from my injury, so I am probably just in the same place as you peterf. I think it will take something breaking inside my brain before I can accept and "be happy with" my situation. I wish you all luck though, we All need it.

  3. #13
    It's not easy and I was angry for all of the same reasons but after I got married again I figured that I'd better find something to be happy about or I'd wind up alone. I found out that God was on the inside of me and not on the outside so I had to change my thinking DRASTICALLY and find joy in the hugs and smiles, drive where I can see the sunset, make new friends who accept me for me and volunteering to help others less fortunate than I gives me a real sense of purpose. I work with the blind and teach adults to read. It takes time but you'll find that part of you that you love and that love will flourish and bring new and positive endeavors which will give you the strength to cope with everything else. Going back to college again also helped me a lot; something about learning new things changes ones focus.

  4. #14
    peterf. I am sorry you are struggling with everything. Yes, it feels odd sometimes venting to a virtual community, but I find it a great help.
    I've heard it said that SCI can bring out the best, and the worst in a person.
    Don't beat yourself up for your bitter feelings right now.

  5. #15
    Senior Member
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    Peter, I am sorry that you are so sad. I was only 17 years old at the time of my injury, so there wasn't a lot of "before" time. Still, in those years on planet earth I had had to deal with many experiences that make SCI look relatively easy. I tend to think of my life with gratitude for all that I have been given, and also for all that I obtained through very hard work. I can't even imagine the horror of having a serious disability and being the citizen of a third world country. What if I had been born in the Sudan or some other such region? Had I survived, which is doubtful, my life would be one of misery. I have a roof over my head, I have a moderate degree of financial security, and I have friends who love me. Measured against that the importance of walking tends to recede for me. Right now I am looking out my balcony window and the leaves are starting to turn to fall colors, the earth below is taking on that crisp and pungent scent of autumn, and, although not the norm, someone outside is playing bagpipes close enough for me to hear them. My two kitty sisters are curled up at my side, purring each time I stroke their heads. Later today I will get in my modified van and visit a friend about 25 miles away. I have the freedom to do that, and so I am richly blessed on many levels. It is normal to struggle in the beginning. It is my sincere belief that people do not drastically change over the long term just because of a SCI. What I mean by that is that the people who have pushed themselves in other areas of their life will do so when disabled. The stress of living with a disability is greater, but one doesn't turn into a complete 180 degree version of who they were pre-disability. Give it time. I know that feels like a stupid thing to say, but time makes things better, or simply more liveable if you don't actually believe in the "better" word.

  6. #16
    We all come to a crossroad and can choose to make the best of our situation or the worst. One requires reinventing yourself and making the most of your remaining abilities. The other keeps you groveling in self-pity and and torturing yourself playing "what might have been" and "what if" mind games. The latter is a lonely road that keeps you mired in depression. People see your pain and realize they can do nothing about it. When that happens, they start to avoid you.

    I was on that lonely road for several years before I began to see the potential I still possessed and began moving on. All I can say is that that history cannot be changed but you have some control over your future direction. Suck it up as best you can and look for opportunities to break out of the prison cell you find yourself in. Give of yourself when you can.

    Only time we tell if you have the strength and determination to be a survivor or write yourself off as a hopeless lost cause and waste away. There is no magical solution to your predicament.

    This may sound a bit harsh but it is reality as I see it. Do not expect someone to come along and rescue you. That sometimes does happen but the odds are against it.
    You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
    http://www.rstce.pitt.edu/RSTCE_Reso...imb_Injury.pdf

    See my personal webpage @
    http://cccforum55.freehostia.com/

  7. #17
    I never cussed before I got hurt. I was never called cold-hearted, asshole, prick, etc. So hell yeah I am different. I am just an overall pain in the ass now. At least thats what I am told everyday. lol
    Life's perceived journey in this PMR is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting "holy **** what a VR ride!"
    Pete C6/'97

  8. #18
    Senior Member anban's Avatar
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    Peter, it gets easier. It does. But nothing will help until time does it's thing. Dust settles on even the shiniest objects on the shelf of our life. Am I okay with it? No. Am I mad? Yes. And jealous of the me from 4 years ago. And I'm sad my marriage fell apart. And I miss intimacy and running and handstands and cutting firewood and wrestling with my kids. But I'm okay with it too because otherwise...daily triumphs would lose their meaning. Hugs from my kids wouldn't matter, neither would the people we touch through our jobs. I've made a point to find something good each day. Some days it's only seeing a pretty tree. I had to start somewhere.

  9. #19
    I think the hardest part for anyone is change. Drastic change take a long time to adjust. At one year you are still coming to terms with a very diffcult change.

    No need to question life as you wont find the answers your looking for as all you can do is Live each day. What you do with your time left on Earth is up to you. Even if you piss and moan daily you will still be alive. Embrace your disability and you will be better off to coexist with it than to fight it.

  10. #20
    If you don't like where you are now, then change it. Nobody gonna change it for you, you have the choice. I been disable for 22 years, I'm 23. I miss out on a lot of stuff growing up. Even disabled I still try to do stuff that AB could do. I even played baseball for 1 season, I made the best out of it. You can piss and moan and yell at people all you want or you can go out and find a new talent or meet people. That is all completly up to you. Nobody gonna force you to be happy, all they can do is help. It's completly up to you whether you want to be bitter all your life and push people away or make the best of it. Hope this help you!

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