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Thread: Teachers behavior towards 1st Grade son

  1. #11
    Senior Member
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    Jan 2004
    Whately, MA United States
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    In my opinion (as a member of the school committee for over ten years), it is almost never a good idea to go over anyone's head without giving them the courtesy of talking to them first. There could be a simple reason for the behavior that can be easily worked out at the personal level. If there is a genuine problem, it is much easier to then go to the principal with solid facts than with an uncomfortable feeling, and it does not add much time to the process.

    It looks to me like the teacher might feel that your son may need to talk about his dad's condition and is giving him the opening to do so. This is a bit misguided, but certainly not malicious, and a simple conference could clear the air. If something like *was* the case, and you were the teacher, think about how you would feel if someone went to your boss and blindsided *you*. There it too much ZT (zero tolerance) in the school system already without parents adding to it.
    Don - Grad Student Emeritus
    T3 ASIA A 26 years post injury

  2. #12
    Thanks for all the responses. At certain points, I thought I was being hypersensitive, so its nice to know that others thought her behavior inappropriate as well. I'm not looking for heads to roll, and don't want to make a bigger deal out of it than I should, since my son seems to be okay with it all. We've explained to him that he can politely say he is uncomfortable discussing it in class and take it from there. I mean, its all out there now, I don't see any reason for his teacher to keep probing or bringing it up.

    I'm also afraid that if I make too big a deal out of it, my son will, too. Kind of like when he was little and would fall and scrape a knee, he would look at me to see if I gasped or looked horrified, and would either scream and bawl or shrug it off based on what he saw on my face. He said he thought it was a little weird, but he's used to people and their questions. It just bothers me that his teacher acted that way, its almost like she took advantage of him. She seems rather cold and stern, (made us feel like were back in school!) but this is just a first impression from 40 minutes at Open House. Maybe she was nervous, too. I just sometimes feel like whatever I do or don't do is bound to be wrong. Thanks again for all the input, it was truly helpful and appreciated.

  3. #13
    Senior Member
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    Mar 2006
    I agree w/ Donno about talking to the teacher first. I think it is better to do this first before going over her head. It may be just something as simple as her making too much of an effort to make him feel comfortable talking about it. She may be uncomfortable about it, and putting that feeling on your son.

    (Obviously, if you feel the conversation with her doesn't go well, then is the time to go over head.)
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  4. #14
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
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    Jul 2001
    Someplace between Nowhere and Goodbye
    I would do nothing at this point. If something similar happens again, then you'll know there's a problem there. If nothing more happens, then it was just an anomaly.

    If it does happen again, then you might try to feel her out, but if she's cold and stern in reality was well as projection, it might be better to speak to her superior. Good luck.
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  5. #15
    Senior Member marycsm77's Avatar
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    Aug 2010
    Long Island, NY
    This made me so uncomfortable for your son just reading it. I would be so all over this, if it were my son. She had no business taking these liberties especially with a 7 year old child. What a first impression for him in school. I would take it up with the teacher and/or principle asap to ensure that nothing like this ever occurs again, because if you don't, it probably will. Good you are keeping your cool and giving thought and getting input as how to proceed though, because if it were me, i'd probably be blowing up, i could feel myself getting pissed just reading it.

  6. #16
    Senior Member
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    Sep 2010
    Belmont, CA, USA
    Have a talk with the teacher, non-confrontational, but kindly and firmly explaining how you feel. That it is inappropriate to ask your son such questions, and the way it affects him and your family.

    Give her the benefit of the doubt (seriously teachers SHOULD know better, but I work in the field, and lots don't).

    BUT. If it continues, then take the next step and meet with the principal.
    Wife and Caregiver, husband has Secondary Progressive MS, wheelchair bound, unable to work, MS still progressing.
    Mother of 2 active boys!

  7. #17
    Senior Member
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    Jul 2008
    Northern Calif

    goofy teacher

    Sounds like load of crap but don't blow it out of the water. Pat you are probably right...

  8. #18
    The kid didn't appear to be upset over it from your post...and I hate to say this..but it is better to get used to it..I can't tell you the number of times my two girls were asked "what happened to your Mommy" so get used to really isnt a big deal. Funny thing is they didnt even know and had to ask me.. lol! (as they were both born AFTER my accident and just thought nothing of it. I decided to make it a lesson and told them "I was driving and didnt wear my seat belt. You should always wear your seat belt."

    If he is bothered with questioning in future, then teach him how to handle it..give him the words and let him practice a response. It is empowering. It is easier however, just to let him get comfortable with the questions, cause a lot of them will be asked. )
    Last edited by sherocksandsherolls; 09-24-2011 at 08:05 PM.
    "The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” ~Carlos Castaneda

  9. #19
    Senior Member Scorpion's Avatar
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    Jul 2001
    Los Angeles
    I don't think you need to go to the principal, but you should talk to the teacher.

    I'd suggest that your husband go to her directly and politely say, "If you have any questions about my disability, please ask me directly like an adult and do not put my 7 year-old son on the spot."

    It's a good opportunity to use it as a learning experience for your son, as it won't be the last time he gets such questions, but it's irresponsible for his teacher to be asking him, and it's chickenshit on her part as well. You expect it from children, but adults should know better, particularly a teacher.

  10. #20
    Senior Member
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    May 2006
    Somewhere in the Rocky Mountains
    I went on a field trip with my daughter's class early on. I talked to the teacher and we picked a good time to sit down and talk about me. If I remember correctly it was during a lunch. I used it as a time to tell them to always wear their seat belts and be mindful of others with disabilities.

    Of course, I went to school with her first grade teacher so I am not in your situation. I lived in the small town I grew up in so my daughter had most of my teachers. I did have teachers that I had to go in and give an education to though. The kindergarten teacher in our district was one of those teachers so I decided to pull her out of district and send her to school where I went to school.

    I would go in and talk to the teacher just friend to friend. Her reasoning may surprise you and I may be totally wrong and she may be completely out of line. Either way you feel better and your son is not questioned in front of the class.

    Good luck. Follow your is usually right. Since the physician's wife felt uncomfortable....something may be amiss.
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

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