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Thread: Does my son have a valid point?

  1. #11
    At some point, teenage children will be in that situation like thinking your parents can do it so why can't they. I have undergo similar situation and it will move on once they realize that it is not the right thing to do.

  2. #12
    I went through this same exact situation with my mom about 6 years ago. She was a single mom who worked 60 hours a week and always expected me to do stuff. I was 16, boyfriend, new car, and no curfew. She would constantly leave me shopping lists, ask me to get dinner ready, and run her errands. So as you can imagine we bumped heads a lot. The way I saw it was she was my mom and suppose to do this stuff as a parent, and the way she saw it was she paid my car insurance, medical bills, and supported me so it wasn't out of the question to ask me to run a "few" errands. While getting a drink is a smaller scale, its still the timeless battle. I think they will move on now that it has been brought to attention. Just my 2 cents!

  3. #13
    Senior Member brucec's Avatar
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    tell the boy to get off his lazy ass, parents raise the kids and the kids should do whatever asked for the elders
    We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
    Ronald Reagan

  4. #14
    all I'm saying is there are are kids not are slaves and because we feet them clothe them send them to school do sent gives us the wright to treat them like so is are responsibility as parents to do so.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by evee View Post
    all I'm saying is there are are kids not are slaves and because we feet them clothe them send them to school do sent gives us the wright to treat them like so is are responsibility as parents to do so.
    Of course you are, that is why we have kids!

    Just kidding, but kids should be doing a lot more around the house than just helping. They are a part of the household as well, and should be doing as much a we do. I hope when you said "occasionally my son helps me ...." you meant that in ADDITION to all the other stuff he does around the house.

    As for getting dad a drink and such, I think it just may be hitting your son as to the differences, and the unfairness of it all.

    But I am assuming that his dad does things for him all the time .... a ride to soccer, mone y for a movie, stuff like that ... not of that is part of the "responsibility" @evee.

    It doesn't hurt to listen to him, his feeling are valid and all, but point out that part of being a family is helping each other.

    I suppose you could get his dad to stop asking for a drink, and start asking him to mow the lawn, or do the laundry, or wash the car or such ... son might be happier getting the water!

    But I really hope he is doing a lot of the chores around the house .... 3 of you? At least a third in my mind should be his.

    My kids were mostly grown when I got hurt, and my 14 and 17 y/o kids were able to step in and pretty much run the household for a little while, including caring for a younger sibling. When my daughter moved into an apartment w/ college roommates, it hit her how less capable some of them were. We aren't doing our kids any favors by NOT expecting them to carry their weight. AB or not, parents should be asking their kids to help all the time.

    Something someone said may be a key to the point tho .... how does your husband ask? (Tone of voice, "please" etc ...). That may be part of it. My hubs sometimes has a tendency to order rather than ask, and it really annoys my youngest, far more tnan the actual request.
    Last edited by sjean423; 05-07-2012 at 04:45 PM.
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

  6. #16
    the way and the tone you ask your kids to do some thing for you is the key ,but there is a lot of parents that they think is an obligation for them to do so and i don't think that is wright. again my two cents

  7. #17
    I agree that kids should do things around during the house. Before I ended up in my chair i was given chores by my parents, cutting grass, cleaning up, washing dishes, cooking. Even after I ended up in my chair I was still made to do chores the type of chores I did changed according to my ability. I am now 38 and I'm very thankful that I was made to do those chores I feel like I'm better prepared for the world. I have two cousins 7 and 9 and they are made to do chores and it's good for them.

  8. #18
    Senior Member wheeliecoach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by evee View Post
    the way and the tone you ask your kids to do some thing for you is the key ,but there is a lot of parents that they think is an obligation for them to do so and i don't think that is wright. again my two cents
    My parents certainly believed that us doing things around the house was our obligation. We are part of the family so our obligation to the family was to pull our own weight and do chores, get our parents what they needed,etc. I do not feel this is out of line...and it helped me with my independence once I moved on to college.

    My thought....my parents had jobs in our house and took us to everything we wanted and needed to go to...it was my job to do things they asked me to do.
    "Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot nothing's going to get better. It's not." - Dr. Seuss

  9. #19
    Its not really a healthy thing to do, ask people to get you things you can get yourself. Its a common trait in a Narcissistic family structure. So...while I was absolutely constantly getting my parents stuff like a trained golden retriever, and I didn't complain, I don't blame your son for catching on that it isn't right.
    - Moody

  10. #20
    i have a great respect for motivation even when things don't turn out as planned however no points scored for laziness, and low effort.
    As a teacher i am trained to merit the obtained results not the effort, which is quite difficult
    sort of the same goes to raising my kid.
    Best is to gradually start out with a regime which is consistent, no one offs no compromise on issues you deem important.

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