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Thread: Worried about Robbie, he is struggling with sadness at 20 months post

  1. #31
    Scifor55...is that what changed things for you? Was it the independence that made you feel less sad and depressed? Robbie is in drivers ed at school and ready to get his permit. But he wont be able to drive until I get another vehicle and have it modified for him. Dont know when that will be but we keep talking about that and all the doors it will open for him.

    I do think he is starting to be left out of some things...friends may feel it is easier to go somewhere without him. Also, Homecoming is this week and Robbie is not interested in going to the dance. Everyone is chatting about who they are going with and what they are wearing. His choice not to go but it makes me very sad. Luckily he has a basketball tournament this weekend so that is a good distraction.

    Why does this have to be so DAMN hard!!!

  2. #32
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    I wrote a similar paper in high school about wanting to be normal again - no one called my parents, lol. It's natural. He's reacting normally to this horrid situation. There are some things he's going to have to work out for himself and this will be the basis of how he handles disappointment the rest of his life.

    The same things happened to me with friends too. I insisted I didn't want them missing out on anything because of me so when they wanted to go upstairs to hang at the 'vedge ledge' (no elevator in school) I encouraged it.

    No professional available for me either. It wasn't until I moved out and accomplished some things on my own that those feelings faded for a long while (they eventually came back though and will again and again - at least that's been my experience).

    Hopefully his counselor is teaching him about the important of coping skills.

    In my family, it was the norm to keep things bottled up inside. I didn't learn it was okay to complain until I came here! lol
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  3. #33
    Lynnifer, thank you for posting! Robbie doesnt go to school football games because he doesnt want his friends to sit on the bottom bleachers with him, he knows all the fun and action goes on up top...similar to the "vedge ledge" I guess.

    If the time comes I may mention you and your posts to him. He isnt on cc yet but he may be soon.

    I do feel fortunate that he opens up and gets this out, whether its writing a paper or talking to a counselor. He learned this skill when he was young, when I got divorced I had both my kids in counseling, it really helped and they learned to open up some.

  4. #34
    Quote Originally Posted by SharonD View Post
    Lynnifer, thank you for posting! Robbie doesnt go to school football games because he doesnt want his friends to sit on the bottom bleachers with him, he knows all the fun and action goes on up top...similar to the "vedge ledge" I guess.
    I didn't go to concerts for the first several years of my injury as well. I didn't feel as if I could fit in with everyone else. It's a process.

  5. #35
    I hope you are right, that this is a process. I dont want Robbie to miss out on concerts, sporting events, etc...he is very social and interested in so much, I dont want that to change.

  6. #36
    It is a tough for a kid to be plunged into a situation in which he is confronted with grownup issues. When one has little or no experience dealing with crises, coping becomes a trial and error process. Have faith in Robbie. He will find his way.

    Most of us who were injured at an early age experienced the loss of friends because they abandoned us or we shut them out because we did not want to hinder their activities. On the other hand, most kids experience the loss of friends when they graduate and each go in a different direction. Then they have to carve out a place in a different social world and find new friends, etc. For Robbie, it is a heavy load on top of dealing with other SCI issues and the fact that he is experiencing the loss of friends at an earlier point in his life. It is a long, difficult road but most of us seem to conquer it one way or another. I am awed by how adaptable the human body and mind are. We are able to survive the harshest circumstances. Robbie will make it, just as I and many others have.
    You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
    http://www.rstce.pitt.edu/RSTCE_Reso...imb_Injury.pdf

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  7. #37
    Quote Originally Posted by Le Type Fran├žais View Post
    I didn't go to concerts for the first several years of my injury as well. I didn't feel as if I could fit in with everyone else. It's a process.
    Quote Originally Posted by SCIfor55yrs. View Post
    Most of us who were injured at an early age experienced the loss of friends because they abandoned us or we shut them out because we did not want to hinder their activities. On the other hand, most kids experience the loss of friends when they graduate and each go in a different direction. Then they have to carve out a place in a different social world and find new friends, etc [...] We are able to survive the harshest circumstances. Robbie will make it, just as I and many others have.

    So totally true, Fran├žais and SCIfor55. I spent most of my senior year of HS, and the summer afterward in my bedroom avoiding the real world. Some friends disappeared. Some, I pushed away.

    It was definitely a process for me to get back to "life." I got a pretty strong nudge though. Petty much everyone forced me to go off to college on-time, totally ignoring all my my depression-fuelled fears. Best shock therapy I ever got. Nobody there knew the old, all-jock me, so no expectations to live up to. No awkward talk about how it "used to be." No friends clearly avoiding contact. Not even cringing when I first crashed during a transfer and later when I dropped my entire tray of food at the dining hall. Just a lot of laughing and a lot of (sometimes overly) helpful people. Hey, you learn to take the good with the bad.

    Next thing I knew, I was getting pulled into Rush and realized that people actually WANTED me around, WANTED me to go to parties, concerts, games with them. My brothers decided I shouldn't "sit alone in the cripple zone" of the stadium so they hauled my ass down to the student section game after game.

    At first, I resisted it all. But looking back, I'm so thankful for the forced change of scenery. Got me out of my old world and into a totally new one so I wouldn't miss out on that period of life.
    Last edited by kevinpatrick; 12-16-2011 at 03:19 PM.

  8. #38
    Senior Member brucec's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SharonD View Post
    Scifor55...is that what changed things for you? Was it the independence that made you feel less sad and depressed? Robbie is in drivers ed at school and ready to get his permit. But he wont be able to drive until I get another vehicle and have it modified for him. Dont know when that will be but we keep talking about that and all the doors it will open for him.

    I do think he is starting to be left out of some things...friends may feel it is easier to go somewhere without him. Also, Homecoming is this week and Robbie is not interested in going to the dance. Everyone is chatting about who they are going with and what they are wearing. His choice not to go but it makes me very sad. Luckily he has a basketball tournament this weekend so that is a good distraction.

    Why does this have to be so DAMN hard!!!

    that is a fact of life, wether we like it or not, it's not just kids
    We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
    Ronald Reagan

  9. #39
    Quote Originally Posted by brucec View Post
    that is a fact of life, wether we like it or not, it's not just kids
    She knows that; she's on a site about her spinal cord injured son seeking support and advice from us.

  10. #40
    Senior Member rdf's Avatar
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    As hard as SCI is on adults, I can't imagine how hard it is for kids. You're a good mom, Sharon, and Robbie is a great boy Things will work out in the end because of those two facts.
    Please donate a dollar a day at http://justadollarplease.org.
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    Thanks!

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