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Thread: Worried about Robbie, he is struggling with sadness at 20 months post

  1. #1

    Worried about Robbie, he is struggling with sadness at 20 months post

    Robbie is having some tough days. Since his injury almost 2 yrs ago he has been so strong and courageous. We have moved forward in every area of his life. Honeslty when I really think about it, Ive kept us moving sometimes at warp speed, dont want him to miss an opportunity for a sport, therapy, equipment, meeting a new supportive friend, the list goes on and on.

    Recently he has not been interested in playing with his basketball or WLAX team. Now he is starting to feel sad, said he is a "hassle" to others, mainly his friends. I know its hard for them, including Robbie in everything can be an inconvenience for them, they are only 15 years old. They have been amazing but maybe they are just tired too.

    I know when school starts he will feel better, he will be around different friends, see new faces. He is not sleeping well either. When I came down this morning to make coffee at 6am he was just going to sleep. I dont want to put him on meds. Maybe he needs to talk with someone other than me.

  2. #2
    School will make the difference. Bank it.
    Let him know to practice his smile for the new gals he is sure to meet!




    Quote Originally Posted by SharonD View Post
    Robbie is having some tough days. Since his injury almost 2 yrs ago he has been so strong and courageous. We have moved forward in every area of his life. Honeslty when I really think about it, Ive kept us moving sometimes at warp speed, dont want him to miss an opportunity for a sport, therapy, equipment, meeting a new supportive friend, the list goes on and on.

    Recently he has not been interested in playing with his basketball or WLAX team. Now he is starting to feel sad, said he is a "hassle" to others, mainly his friends. I know its hard for them, including Robbie in everything can be an inconvenience for them, they are only 15 years old. They have been amazing but maybe they are just tired too.

    I know when school starts he will feel better, he will be around different friends, see new faces. He is not sleeping well either. When I came down this morning to make coffee at 6am he was just going to sleep. I dont want to put him on meds. Maybe he needs to talk with someone other than me.
    And the truth shall set you free.

  3. #3
    Senior Member tooley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SharonD View Post
    Maybe he needs to talk with someone other than me.
    Definitely. I can remember being that age, life's a mystery. I cant imagine how it is being in a chair at that age.. Any way to get him out of town to visit a relative or friends in another setting, preferably without you? I'm not trying to be an ass, but sometimes it's just good to get away from your mom. A little time away might just put things in a better light for him. Sorry to hear this, usually you are so positive about things.

  4. #4
    You are both very perceptive and kind. Tooley, not an ass at all! Robbie spent a week at the Jersey Shore with his dad and a few buddies recently, he went in the ocean and was so excited about that. It was good for both of us to have a break from each other. But since hes been home he has not had anything else to look forward to. The friends are calling less and less. Luckily he does get lots of attention from girls. He is on Facebook and Tumblr a lot at night.

  5. #5
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    They can't relate to each other on a level he needs. I know exactly how that feels. Unfortunately I couldn't relate to my family any more either.

    Strange he would pull away from the wheelchair sports friends though - did something happen there?
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  6. #6
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    I dont know what is is about not being able to get to sleep. its terrible. I think im getting my days and nights mixed up like a baby does. no bueno!

  7. #7
    Maybe, just maybe, "Robbie", just hasn't had or been allowed the time to grieve. I know...oh I know that can come across sooooo airy fairy...but think about it. Maybe his mood, his motivation will improve with school activities that will displace whatever is going on with him now during summer vacation.... but that is only displacement...maybe...just maybe the kid has got to find a time and place to go through the process of grief. Has he ever had/taken advantage of the opportunity....for that matter "SharonD" have you? Two years in the scheme of a spinal cord injury, especially to a very young person, isn't a very long time. Maybe there is still some time for all of you to stop trying so hard..pushing so hard...driving so hard and take an assessment of today's and tomorrow's possibilities without the the hard driving pressure cooker of these very difficult couple of years. In the end, maybe all of you just need to take a break.

    All the best,
    GJ

  8. #8
    Senior Member Ashley's Avatar
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    No matter how long after an injury, I think everyone has periods of time where they question "Is this it? I miss my old life." I especially have those thoughts when I'm bored and have nothing going on. However, I agree with GJ about not having time to grieve. In my experience, i was trying to be strong and motivated for my family and friends so they didn't worry about me. I didnt give myself an opportunity to be honest with myself and say "Ashley, this is reality, deal with it." So my advice is to see how it goes once school starts and he gets busy and doesn't have time to self-reflect on the injury. If it still persists then think about individual and/or group therapy if thats an option that hasnt already been used.
    Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow.
    -Dorothy Thompson

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by gjnl View Post
    Maybe, just maybe, "Robbie", just hasn't had or been allowed the time to grieve. I know...oh I know that can come across sooooo airy fairy...but think about it. Maybe his mood, his motivation will improve with school activities that will displace whatever is going on with him now during summer vacation.... but that is only displacement...maybe...just maybe the kid has got to find a time and place to go through the process of grief. Has he ever had/taken advantage of the opportunity....for that matter "SharonD" have you? Two years in the scheme of a spinal cord injury, especially to a very young person, isn't a very long time. Maybe there is still some time for all of you to stop trying so hard..pushing so hard...driving so hard and take an assessment of today's and tomorrow's possibilities without the the hard driving pressure cooker of these very difficult couple of years. In the end, maybe all of you just need to take a break.

    All the best,
    GJ
    Why are their names in quotes?


  10. #10
    I was injured at sixteen and was a complete Quad for the first few weeks. Like your son, I also had a very supportive family.
    It’s a hard change going from a strong agile person to needing help for the simplest things.
    A lot of my life’s challenges, I basically had to struggle through and find my own answers.
    Not always a easy or pain free process but it’s part of growing.
    Every person is different but, If I may suggest, I would say to get out and stay busy.
    To much idle time is emotionally draining and non productive.
    Best Wishes

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