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Thread: How do you forgive youself

  1. #11
    Senior Member Van Quad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Vancouver, BC, Canada
    We need to be more compassionate with ourselves. Blame is an ego exercise that keeps you revisiting the past. As Jett said, the past is gone. Now early on I had times when I'd have a crystal-clear moment and go, I can't believe I did that, but I didn't dwell on it. At 33 years post injury this weekend, this is the new normal and I don't have those crystal-clear flashbacks anymore.

  2. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Jett View Post
    Ali-w, I have a similar story which happened 34 years ago and have had like thoughts in the past. As I am sure that you are aware, the past is gone.
    The only impact a person has is on present events. I tend to think that everything happens for a reason and a persons destiny is not always on the easiest pathway.
    I try to have a positive impact on the environment around me and lead by example. Strangers that wouldn’t have given me a second thought as an able bodied person now tend to approach in a positive manner. Is this part of our destiny? This SCI process most times is more of a emotional/mental battle than physical.......Stay strong!
    I certainly don't agree with all of this -- namely, I don't believe in destiny, or anything fatalistic -- but I like and endorse your spirit and sentiment.

  3. #13
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2004
    North Carolina, USA
    Chad's accident was his "fault" too. I put it in quotes because a million variables conspired to make the events of that day happen as they did, not just the events that he controlled. With that being said, as the AB wife of a paralyzed man, I still am amazed that he doesn't seem to relive that day over and over again ... I think that I would. But its been 23 years, and he says that he only really thinks about it on anniversaries of his injury and if he's having a horrible day.

    I like the person's response above saying that there is a difference between deserving it and being responsible for it. Wise words.

  4. #14
    Quote Originally Posted by betheny View Post
    I'm sorry you feel this way. Guilt is a learning tool, but pretty useless in the arsenal you'll need to get on with it. I think talking to kids about your experiences is a great idea, whether at schools or juvenile rehabs. It feels good to give back.
    Take this to heart. These words are a gift.

  5. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by ali-w View Post
    My sci was my fault I was drinking and driving and lost control of my car its always in the back of my head that I did this I caused this huge burden on everyone how do I get over this feeling like I deserved what happened.
    By accepting the fact that you didn't. We all make errors in judgment. Most do what you did and don't suffer any or much less severe consequences.

    By the way, and I know I'll get flak for this, but drinking alcohol impairs your judgment, so why do you blame yourself for driving under the influence? I've never understood this. Laws against drinking and driving are good incentive to make people ensure they have a ride home, but once you're drunk, you don't know how to make critical thinking choices.

    People text or talk on their cellphones while driving and are usually not drunk when making this decision. That's what I consider a sound judgment, despite possible negative outcomes.

  6. #16
    Doo-doo occurs, dealt with it and move forward.

  7. #17
    My SCI was basically my fault. Never paused to feel guilty about it. It was the kind of small error that I have made before (and since), and the same kind of error that others sometimes make. Just unlucky that such unusually severe consequences followed this mistake.

    Oh, and I've driven drunk before. And each time got home and went to bed. Not proud of that; but I know that (there but for the grace of God go I) when I read of the tragedies that have resulted from drink driving.

    Don't beat yourself up too much.

  8. #18
    It will become easier to forgive yourself when you've lived enough of the alternative. You've got one life to live, that's it. One shot at knowing what it is to live on Earth. Why spend time dwelling on the things you want to forget, when you could be creating new experiences that you'll want to remember? (Says the girl who spends 99% of her time in her own little cocoon, new experience-less). You're human. With that comes a whole lot of stuff you might not want, like imperfection and emotions, which are messy but necessary. Learning and growth are impossible without mistakes. SO... forgive, grow and learn... and enjoy this life of yours the best you can.
    Somewhere, something incredible is waiting to be known. - Carl Sagan

    How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. - Anne Frank

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