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Thread: Caregiving mother in depression

  1. #31

    This is getting out control

    Even though the quality of my life is improving and I am also earning a comfortable living, staying with my mother is getting unbearable. Her behavior is becoming more abusive every day.

    Today we had a slight disagreement over the managing of my funds and she grabbed my hand so hard that it is still hurting even after almost 7 hours. I have cried uncontrollably today and still am. I don't want to get into depression but this is too much. She says such mean things to me and even mocks that even though I am being rude to her right now, but will call her to cath me after some time.

    This is so humiliating. Yesterday we went out with all of my cousins and aunts and she kept humiliating me there also. I kept dismissing it as a joke to save face.

    I don't want to cry. i dont want to feel bad. But this is too much. i don't think i can take it any longer.

  2. #32
    Senior Member Obieone's Avatar
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    I urge you to find someone to advocate for you - you need to take charge of your own life - no one not even your Mom has the right to treat you like this whatever her issues are. Please take care ! How does your Dad figure in this equation - does he have no influence at all ?

    Obieone
    Last edited by Obieone; 12-05-2011 at 09:44 AM.
    ~ Be the change you wish to see in the world ~ Mahatma Gandi


    " calling all Angels ...... calling all Angels ....walk me through this one .. don't leave me alone .... calling all Angels .... calling all Angels .... we're tryin' and we're hopin' cause we're not sure how ....... this .... goes ..."
    Jane Siberry

  3. #33
    Please call Adult Protective Services (or the equivilent agency) in your area and report this NOW (as advised above). You are at risk or even more serious physical abuse, and already are enduring emotional abuse. This is not legal or moral. Please report it and get help!

    (KLD)

  4. #34
    Quote Originally Posted by Life&Roll View Post
    Even though the quality of my life is improving and I am also earning a comfortable living, staying with my mother is getting unbearable. Her behavior is becoming more abusive every day.
    .
    Hire someone to do your care, go stay with someone while you look for a place to live.
    Get involved in politics as if your life depended on it, because it does. -- Justin Dart

    I shall not tolerate ignorance or hate speech on this site.

  5. #35

    Unhappy So Sorry

    It is so hard for me to imagine a mother saying and doing these things. It is so unnatural. I understand the fatigue and frustrations of being a caregiver, but I would rather do that than be without my son. I was so close to losing him with so many life threatening injuries in addition to the spinal cord injury that all I could do is pray for him to live. Each and every day I am thankful he is here for me to take care of. I know your mom may be depressed but she has no right to do this to you. You are the one dealing with the health issues and can't walk away from it like she can if it gets too much. I am so sorry you are going through this and hope things change in a positive way for you.
    DavesMom, Diane

  6. #36
    Quote Originally Posted by woman from Europe View Post
    I don't know anybody with Spina Bifida who is living with their parents after they have been 20 years old. I don't know anybody with SCI either or CP. Sorry I am so blunt, but I think it is in your mind that you can't live alone.
    I am still living at home with my family and I have SB. The reason being my college doesn't have a dorm and the cost of living would leave me broke if I moved out.

  7. #37
    Quote Originally Posted by Life&Roll View Post
    Even though the quality of my life is improving and I am also earning a comfortable living, staying with my mother is getting unbearable. Her behavior is becoming more abusive every day.

    Today we had a slight disagreement over the managing of my funds and she grabbed my hand so hard that it is still hurting even after almost 7 hours. I have cried uncontrollably today and still am. I don't want to get into depression but this is too much. She says such mean things to me and even mocks that even though I am being rude to her right now, but will call her to cath me after some time.

    This is so humiliating. Yesterday we went out with all of my cousins and aunts and she kept humiliating me there also. I kept dismissing it as a joke to save face.

    I don't want to cry. i dont want to feel bad. But this is too much. i don't think i can take it any longer.
    You should not have to take this kind of physical/verbal behavior from her. I am here (as an adult with SB) to talk to if you need to vent but she needs professional help to deal with her anger issues. Then you need to find your Center for Independent Living (CIL) and find out what they can do to get you into affordable, accessible housing; and set up nursing hours for whatever help you need.

  8. #38
    That's another option. I went to a rehab center twice in my life (The first stint, on an outpatient basis, was to learn to cath which I THANK GOD I have the capacity to learn, at the age of 9 yrs old). The second time was inpatient PT to learn to transfer properly after scratching my skin and ending up having to have a skin flap.

    If you have someone around who can take you to your appointments (other than your mother), I urge you to call them and have them take you. When you see your urologist, ask them about the stoma (called a Mitrofanoff, which is a very popular surgical procedure in the SB community. A lot of my friends from camp have had this done) so you can cath YOURSELF. Then, as smash said, in rehab, they can teach you to cath yourself, ADL's, etc. Whatever help u need, take advantage of it NOW to become independent and then get yourself out of this situation.

  9. #39
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    I still dont get why you cant learn to cath yourself. would you try if you get some instruction from here? really honey it is something you should be able to do, even with some hand issues. are your arms too short to reach down there? (not being funny) I know someone with shorter than usual arms and cant cath for that reason.

    I have some finger issues and I can cath myself. it is a little harder for a girl than a guy, I have to go by feel, and just having done it a lot, so it takes seconds.

    first time it was frustrating, it kept going in the wrong hole, so wasted three straws befor I got peepee.

    anyway, wont you just try this one thing? ..... please.

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