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Thread: Angry most of the time

  1. #1

    Angry most of the time

    I'm not sure where to post this, but does anyone here have anger management issues? It seems lately that I fly off the handle about really stupid things. Most of the time it's directed at my wife, and I can't help feeling so ashamed of myself afterwards. I've gotten so angry that she's left for a night and cried multiple times.

    I don't think the anger is the result of my accident just about 6 years ago, I'm a L1 incomplete. As I think I was like this before, but am just coming to realize how bad it's getting now. I'm always angry at something and again most of the time it's directed at my wife because we're your typical married couple, we live together.

    To compound things my wife is 9 months pregnant and this is so bad for our baby. I love my wife and she loves me, so that's not an issue, but my anger is making our marriage difficult.

    Why do the smallest things enrage me so much to the point that I break things and throw things and approach my wife to the point that I scare her?

    This is so embarrassing, and I have an appt with my doctor July 18th, I just like to know what the community has to say, and what I can do. Sometimes the things that set me off are so trivial it would make most of you puke if I told you.

    At work, I'm fine, when I'm with friends, I'm fine. It's just with her, and of course she does things that annoy me but I do things that annoy her, no one is perfect, but why can't I deal with it? I am stressed, but so isn't everyone. I excerise like a machine, I'm heathier than 75% of the able bodied population and I don't walk, We're ok finanicially (more or less), so what gives?

    Thanks.

  2. #2
    You have to learn to realize the point when you are about to lose it and modify your reaction. When you feel the pressure building and you know your reaction is coming go outside, go anywhere. I am glad you are seeking help, but it will never go away unless you learn to replace it with something else. Exercise, go outside and throw rocks, go wash your face, etc. I know you recognize the point when you are feeling the pressure, I used to be this way. The key is in recognizing it and modifying it. Good luck.

    Also what medication are you on? SOmetimes that can be a trigger.
    If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.


    Sometimes it is easier to widen doors than it is to open minds.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by addiesue View Post
    Also what medication are you on? SOmetimes that can be a trigger.
    I don't take any medication of any kind.

  4. #4
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    Good for you for taking the first step, admitting you have an issue and reaching out....here's my very honest suggestions take them or leave them.

    You dont' take medication of any kind, but if you'd like to save your marriage I'd highly suggest being open to it. Your doctor may find a chemical imbalance in your bloodwork. I for instance have low seritonin causing mood issues. A low dose of meds really helps keep me more normal. It doesn't stop me from getting moody. But it stops the extreme moodiness that can occur to a non extreme situation. I.E bursting into tears and hyperventilating because I broke a dish by accident.

    Also It never ever is a bad idea for you to either voluntarily go for anger management classes or personal counseling to learn new coping skills. There are a ZILLION ways to "cope" and if your skill set is not working for you, your marriage and certainly not working for your unborn baby, then maybe learning some of the other of the zillion ways could change everything. I don't know if you're wife is on here too, but personal counseling for her to change her behavior and reactions to your anger is important for her own health and well being and that of the child as well. No one shhould have to put up with your rage. The line for abusive behavior, both mental and physical and emotional is to thin when it comes to rage. So really it comes down to this...

    How committed are you to changing? Saving your marriage and making it better? to your relationship with your soon to be born child? What are you willing to do? How far are you willing to go?
    If you're not willing to open your mind to meds and/or learning new ways to cope through classes/personal counseling (which is like a personal class one on one and private) then you very well might not make it. I hope you do though
    Liza R. McCollum

  5. #5
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    I felt this way at one time. it was compounded by using too much vicodin. I only take about four a month now, and use something else as my primary pain med.

    I also made efforts as addiesue suggests. But most of all, I distanced myself from friends and family who added to my anger and stress.

    anger can get addicting, causing endorphines to surge, and I wonder if those endorphines contribute to a cycle of rage.

  6. #6
    Is there any pattern to the outbursts. Same time each month etc.

    I had somehting similar and took note of when the depression or outbursts happened.

    Found out there was a pattern and it was due to the serotonin cycle ups and downs. Seems we SCI have a harder trouble regulating serotonin cycles causing periods of highs and lows causing depression.

    Was prescribed Wellbutron to help regulate the cyle. Really helped and I can tell the difference with my mood and energy level.

    Congrats on the baby. You are right, this is not the timeto rattle the wife. Perhaps get checked out. It was one of the easiest and best solutions to the mood swings and energy levels.

  7. #7
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    Your post really struck home with me. I care for my husband who has a severe case of MS. I don't understand the whole L1 incomplete - T12 etc. so I don't know how to compare that with MS but with Davids MS he basically is dependent on everyone for everything. He can use his right arm as normal, rest of his body including his vision is impaired to an extent. We reach six years of this in October.
    Anyway...I so wish your post came from my husband. Because thats exactly how it has been around here lateley. Really bad for about the last 6 months. I"m not pregnant but I do remember from having the girls my emotions when I was was amplified something fierce. I would really like to see my husband write that all out and admit to having a problem. The only thing you left out was "Do you really love her" or is it in your opinion all her fault that you are always angry. I think admitting you realize there is a problem is a great step and I wish you all the luck in the world. I can't get David to speak to counselors about our problems but my friends tell me he just acts that way to me cause he is angry about the disease and knows I will forgive him. It gets harder and harder to forgive but I will never leave him I love the guy he used to be and still can be occasionally. He was this way prior to the MS occasionally but not this bad at all.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by MSWIFE1 View Post
    Your post really struck home with me. I care for my husband who has a severe case of MS. I don't understand the whole L1 incomplete - T12 etc. so I don't know how to compare that with MS but with Davids MS he basically is dependent on everyone for everything. He can use his right arm as normal, rest of his body including his vision is impaired to an extent. We reach six years of this in October.
    Anyway...I so wish your post came from my husband. Because thats exactly how it has been around here lateley. Really bad for about the last 6 months. I"m not pregnant but I do remember from having the girls my emotions when I was was amplified something fierce. I would really like to see my husband write that all out and admit to having a problem. The only thing you left out was "Do you really love her" or is it in your opinion all her fault that you are always angry. I think admitting you realize there is a problem is a great step and I wish you all the luck in the world. I can't get David to speak to counselors about our problems but my friends tell me he just acts that way to me cause he is angry about the disease and knows I will forgive him. It gets harder and harder to forgive but I will never leave him I love the guy he used to be and still can be occasionally. He was this way prior to the MS occasionally but not this bad at all.
    To break in on "Megatron's" thread for a moment, "MSWIFE1" think about printing out this thread when it is looking like it is about complete and handing in to your husband to read. It may open his eyes.

    "Megatron," I hope you find some answers for yourself and your family. One sure thing, life won't get any easier once the baby is born and it is your responsibility as a parent to teach control to your child. You teach that by example.

    All the best,
    GJ

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Megatron View Post
    I'm not sure where to post this, but does anyone here have anger management issues? It seems lately that I fly off the handle about really stupid things. Most of the time it's directed at my wife, and I can't help feeling so ashamed of myself afterwards. I've gotten so angry that she's left for a night and cried multiple times.

    I don't think the anger is the result of my accident just about 6 years ago, I'm a L1 incomplete. As I think I was like this before, but am just coming to realize how bad it's getting now. I'm always angry at something and again most of the time it's directed at my wife because we're your typical married couple, we live together.

    To compound things my wife is 9 months pregnant and this is so bad for our baby. I love my wife and she loves me, so that's not an issue, but my anger is making our marriage difficult.

    Why do the smallest things enrage me so much to the point that I break things and throw things and approach my wife to the point that I scare her?

    This is so embarrassing, and I have an appt with my doctor July 18th, I just like to know what the community has to say, and what I can do. Sometimes the things that set me off are so trivial it would make most of you puke if I told you.

    At work, I'm fine, when I'm with friends, I'm fine. It's just with her, and of course she does things that annoy me but I do things that annoy her, no one is perfect, but why can't I deal with it? I am stressed, but so isn't everyone. I excerise like a machine, I'm heathier than 75% of the able bodied population and I don't walk, We're ok finanicially (more or less), so what gives?

    Thanks.
    It would not hurt to get your Testosterone checked with a blood test.
    Low Testosterone can cause some people to act this way. Among other things it causes mood swings and fatigue. Good Luck.

  10. #10
    Senior Member flicka's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Patrick Madsen View Post
    Perhaps get checked out.
    Or get checked in...

    Megatron, it really is remarkable that you are admitting your problem. Congratulations! I didn't check to see how you were disabled, but am wondering if you might have bumped your head at the same time? I'm seriously not trying to be funny, or cruel, but I DID receive a slight TBI in the accident that broke my back and I think many of us with traumatic injuries do have a touch of TBI, also. Brain injury often manifests itself as unreasonable anger.

    Other than that thought, I agree with others who have said medication may help your situation. If you want to keep your wife & soon-to-be child, you need to get control of your emotions and I think you are on the right track.
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