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Thread: Sympathy and help runs its course

  1. #1

    Sympathy and help runs its course

    I have a good mate whose daughter was involved in terrible accident, leaving her in a vegetative state. At first all workmates went up to him, to comfort him and offer assistance during such a hard time.
    As his daughter needs a lifetime 24hr assistance , the poor chap has to juggle between work, family and hospital needs, often taking leave, and being called out when at work.
    well at work he is not performing too good. and the accident is nearly a year old. During a lunchtime chat this subject came up, well work commitments are suffering, it's time the chap found another job, we can't offer such concessions day in day out. As being disabled myself it sort of hit home. This could easily happen to me. what about all the sympathy and help offered when the accident was still fresh.Does sympathy and help run its course?

  2. #2
    Are you in the position to fire him?
    Get involved in politics as if your life depended on it, because it does. -- Justin Dart

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  3. #3
    No, No i am a work mate, i sympathize with him

  4. #4
    Sympathy doesn't pay rent nor does gossiping about the guy at lunch. Your management will do what is in their best interest.
    Get involved in politics as if your life depended on it, because it does. -- Justin Dart

    I shall not tolerate ignorance or hate speech on this site.

  5. #5
    Can you help him find some kind of assistance?

  6. #6
    Does sympathy and help run its course?

    To answer your question you will find you have "acute" friends and "chronic" friends. After an accident a large number of your social circle will be willing to pitch in and help, as time goes by most will go and only a few will be there always to help out. Its sad but true. All you can do as a friend is see if you can help. Maybe its just watching his daughter for a couple hours a week so he can go shopping.

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by peterf View Post
    I have a good mate whose daughter was involved in terrible accident, leaving her in a vegetative state. At first all workmates went up to him, to comfort him and offer assistance during such a hard time.
    As his daughter needs a lifetime 24hr assistance , the poor chap has to juggle between work, family and hospital needs, often taking leave, and being called out when at work.
    well at work he is not performing too good. and the accident is nearly a year old. During a lunchtime chat this subject came up, well work commitments are suffering, it's time the chap found another job, we can't offer such concessions day in day out. As being disabled myself it sort of hit home. This could easily happen to me. what about all the sympathy and help offered when the accident was still fresh.Does sympathy and help run its course?

    Yes Sympathy and help does run its course. I can see why it hit home with you. I know that your injury is still fresh and you are still letting your family help you alot. But here is the hard thing I am going to tell you. Your injury level is low...really low on the "be very independent" chain. You need to be working out your upper body which is why I suggested the book to you in the other thread. It is not just about "curing your paralysis", it is about living with what you have and being strong with what you are left with. From what you told me, you are complete, so your upper body is going to have to work. Feeling sorry for yourself or someone else is not going to get you anywhere. You need to condition your mind to say "I am going to live today and live with this injury". Set some goals. Buy a handcycle or some other form of exercise equipment that your family can participate with you. See your doctor for some depression medications. It is not the end of the world if you have to take them for a while.

    I say all this because I have been there and I go back there each time I have a set back because of my injury. I just experienced a set back in October and even after 23 years with an incomplete injury it still is hard to accept.

    I gave up my job because I could see an increase in pain was effecting my performance as well as a more stressful position I had taken. I never want to be a burden on my employer so I talked to her.

    Don't let this injury define you Peter...live your life. Do the things you can. Put YOUR heart into living the future not the PAST.

    My heart goes out to this family but if the child is in a vegetative state there is no quality of life and I won't tell you my thoughts on that. I just watched a dear family disconnect life support to their daughter a month ago here after a horrible car accident. She was one of my daughter's best friends...it is a hard choice but K's organ donations saved lots of lives. This little community is still suffering from the loss.
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

  8. #8
    Senior Member JEAPOW's Avatar
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    Help shpuld never run it's course. I fwe are able to help there are many ways to give assistance, even just talking may help.
    soggesting this site to him would be nice also.

    Sympathy is another thing, feeling bad for him and his daughter is one thing, but he needs tools to help him cope with how this has changed there lives. When a family is hit by a tradegy the caretakers want to fix it all for there loved ones and there mind is always working if he was a good worker before that might explain what is going on. I am not sure firing him would be beneficial that might cause a real hardship for his family. Maybe your boss could find out just what realy is going on with job issues.

    A year is still early in the healing process for a family to adjust, and they might still be in denial that this has happened to there daughter.

    I think this might be a good time for your work family to pull together and see how you might still be able to help and let hom know you are all his friends and that you care. Caring is contagious and so is a big smile
    JeAnNE L1Burst Fracture inc. 11/5/10

    Live Well--Laugh often

  9. #9
    Yes, unfortunately sympathy does fun it's course.
    If I am understanding you right peterf your employer is less sympathetic to your mate because time has passed and they don't like it that he needs to take time off to help his daughter,perhaps go to doctor appointments etc and you feel badly for him.
    In the US there is a fmaily leave act that allows a cerian time of unpaid leave if a family member is seriously ill.
    My only advice is to continue to be this man's friend and listen to him.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by peterf View Post
    Does sympathy and help run its course?
    Like any news story, yes, it does. When it's fresh news, the victim is hot. When it's old news, the victim is forgotten.


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