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Thread: Caught Robbie smoking...

  1. #1

    Caught Robbie smoking...

    So Rob and friends were brazen enough to smoke some weed on our back deck this week, they werent expecting me to come home. That was fun! So now Im trying to decide the consequences. Rob gave me the usual teenage crap "mom, I feel marijuana should be legalized, we might have different views, I dont agree with yours and you dont agree with mine, so whats the big deal?" Well we dont live in CA and I dont want to be arrested!

    Yesterday he spent the day with me at work, I work with the homeless community and men transitioning out of a recovery program. He attended a few classes with them. He knows where drug abuse can take an individual.

    I want him to know this is not acceptable to me, I also want to continue having open conversations about drugs and other teen issues where he participates. Dont want to be so rigid that he shuts down and smokes more.

    Any other thoughts/ideas?

  2. #2
    Being open is important.

    Maybe you should explain all the negative physical affects, and legal consequences if caught. Look up the penalties in your area. I remember in the past if someone was convicted of a drug offense they could be denied financial aid for college. That is a big deal.

    Botom line, Marijuana is illegal and he is a minor.

    Here's VA's law- Possession of marijuana is punishable by up to 30 days in jail and a fine up to $500 for the first offense and up to one year in jail and a fine up to $2,500 for subsequent offenses.

  3. #3
    Senior Member brucec's Avatar
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    be a parent first, not a friend. discipline him.
    but don't try to caught him later, it's going to happen
    We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
    Ronald Reagan

  4. #4
    Senior Member skippy13's Avatar
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    Whether your views differ or not on the use of marijuana, just tell him your house, your rules.

    Parents need to be firm in their rules. I know it will just mean he goes somewhere else to smoke it, but not at your home. We can only do our best with them and then they have to make decisions for themselves. To be sure they are not always the right ones.
    Anything worth doing, is worth doing to excess

  5. #5
    As far as "consequences" are concerned, I would suggest using what happened to continue to expand a dialogue about it. While you certainly don't want him to become a user, this minor (in both senses of the word) act of rebellion is not necessarily unhealthy -- in fact it's quite normal -- so I would caution against being either overly judgmental or authoritarian. I'm sure your gut instincts are already pretty on the money.

    On your side of the equation, prepare yourself in advance for how you will respond to some push back and boundary testing. Be on guard for responding defensively, judgmentally, or punitively. Have faith in the ample trust that already exists between the two of you. I strenuously doubt he's going to suddenly slide down the hole of drug abuse; rather, he's going through a little rite of "teenagerhood." It would be helpful to acknowledge that what he did was normal -- expected, even -- while simultaneously letting him know that it can't continue.

  6. #6
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    The joys of being a parent...

    I agree with what everyone else has said.

    Been there and done that.....

    Even in the states where it is legal...I don't think a minor could smoke it anyway. Maybe you could check this and use this as a talking point.

    (((hugs sharon)))
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

  7. #7
    Senior Member brucec's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by darkeyed_daisy View Post
    The joys of being a parent...

    I agree with what everyone else has said.

    Been there and done that.....

    Even in the states where it is legal...I don't think a minor could smoke it anyway. Maybe you could check this and use this as a talking point.

    (((hugs sharon)))

    yep, they have been cracking down on teenage drinking around here, guess parents says they'd rather have their kids at home drinking instead of on the streets drinking, so the dumb parent allows the kids to drink at home, but the parent's the one getting busted
    We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
    Ronald Reagan

  8. #8
    Thank you, thank you! As a single parent it is so helpful to run these things by a few friends. Since Robbies injury Ive had to keep myself in check, it is easy for me to fall into the trap of "poor kid, he needs a break". That would not be healthy for anyone.

    I will be a parent first, educate him on the law, keep the communication open and know this is normal teenage stuff.

    Anybody want the bud I confiscated? KIDDING!

  9. #9
    Ah the joys of being the parent of a teen. Hang in there Sharon.
    As always there is a good array or experience and advice here.

  10. #10
    Senior Member brucec's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SharonD View Post
    Thank you, thank you! As a single parent it is so helpful to run these things by a few friends. Since Robbies injury Ive had to keep myself in check, it is easy for me to fall into the trap of "poor kid, he needs a break". That would not be healthy for anyone.

    I will be a parent first, educate him on the law, keep the communication open and know this is normal teenage stuff.

    Anybody want the bud I confiscated? KIDDING!
    me me me me me me me me me me me, did i mention me?
    We must reject the idea that every time a law's broken, society is guilty rather than the lawbreaker. It is time to restore the American precept that each individual is accountable for his actions.
    Ronald Reagan

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