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Thread: No Sympathy

  1. #21
    Quote Originally Posted by rdf View Post
    Not the act, but the result. You have to be tough(er) to not have anyone to lend a hand. One becomes more resourceful and creative, and thus more mentally strong.
    There is a great scene in pulp fiction where Ving Rhames is talking to Bruce Willis about throwing the fight.

    The night of the fight, you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps
    It sounds like you are feeling that sting. You are pushing 50, there is nothing wrong with getting a little help, both physical and mental, from your friends and family.

    Just my $0.02 Bob. You are one of the toughest guys on the forum, I don't think where you live is going to change that.

  2. #22
    I totally feel you! I wish I had a telekinetic power to destroy because I'd seriously consider unleashing my wrath upon able-bodied people.


  3. #23
    In the past, I've been able to sympathize when my mostly AB friends and family complain of pain for the reasons Eileen stated: even though I'd give pretty much anything to 'only' hurt as bad as they did, in relative terms their pain was just as severe as what I feel.

    But with the recent increase in my base pain levels, I sometimes have a harder time feeling actual sympathy and need to fake my concern. I'm okay if they are matter fact about their pain (Me: "That ice pick is going to town in my shoulder today." Friend: "You too? My back/knee/arm is killing me." Me: "That really sucks. I'm so sorry you're going through that.") But the ones who piss and moan grimace with every movement? I just can't feel a lot of sympathy for them. There's almost an inverse ratio between how much sympathy they're trying to garner and how much I actually feel.
    It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

    ~Julius Caesar


  4. #24
    It's hard to keep my mouth shut sometimes.....but, you have to just stand back a minute a remember what it was like before sci. Not always an easy thing to do. I have issues with asking for help....I never want to be a pain in someone's arse..... And no way will I get into a pain match with the few who seem to want to "compare" and come out on top! And why would you even want to!

    In the last couple of years, I've tried to find something to do that will take my mind off the pain. I sit and write cards and postcards to friends and relatives until the supplies are gone. It makes me happy and I'd like to think it makes them happy to receive them. My problem is I run out of the supplies about as fast as I get my hands on them. lol..........

  5. #25
    Trudy, I just got one of you card and it made me so happy, I am sure I am not the only one who is happy for your card, I think we all love them.
    TH 12, 43 years post

  6. #26
    I just got one, too, Trudy -- based on the post mark, dated almost a month ago (!!!), it seems to have taken the scenic route to get to me. The time lag and extra distance actually supercharged its power to lift my spirits and muffle the pain -- I've been smiling ever since the spouse picked it up from our mailbox yesterday. Thank you so much!
    It is easier to find men who will volunteer to die, than to find those who are willing to endure pain with patience.

    ~Julius Caesar


  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by woman from Europe View Post
    Trudy, I just got one of you card and it made me so happy, I am sure I am not the only one who is happy for your card, I think we all love them.
    I'm using mine as a bookmark-that makes me happy.

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by AKspacey View Post
    I find it so hard to find sympathy anymore. I feel like I'm being a bad friend, sister, or just person in general. But I find it hard when someone is telling me about not feeling good, not to think that's nothing, try pain everyday for 5 years. Try throbbing, burning, sharp pain, and pretty much every other feeling in the book EVERY DAY!

    Sorry guys, just had to vent. I feel like I'm becomming such a cold person and that just isn't me. But c'mon pain let me have a break!!
    I'm with you on this, but check this article out: "Why Does Feeling Low Hurt? Depressed Mood Increases the Perception of Pain" http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/showthr...=157347&page=3

    The more we 'get into' our pain, we, or 'I' get into my pain it seems to get worse. I do see myself making quick rash decisions like the article tells. After reading about this "The authors speculate that being in a sad state of mind and feeling low disables one's ability to regulate the negative emotion associated with feeling pain. Pain, then, has a greater impact. Rather than merely being a consequence of having pain, depressed mood may drive pain and cause it to feel worse."

    I may have stumbled upon a possible way to decrease my pain levels?

    Maybe the first thing would be to alter my perception of a new day upon awakening to be positive rather than "Oh no another day?"

    This morning I'm on my laptop which I do every morning for half an hour before I get out of bed and am now thinking "This is going to be a good productive day, keep my thoughts away from the pain and think about the french toast, veggie patty and black tea ( I gave up coffee) that I'm going to have for breakfast when I get out of bed, NOW. Shut this thing down and celebrate this new day. I'm hungary!



    Gary
    Last edited by Garyis; 06-13-2011 at 01:08 PM. Reason: Added more words
    Gary Is = L-1 Para for 34 years.....................
    ~~~~~~~~~~

  9. #29
    Quote Originally Posted by t8burst View Post
    ....The one piece of advice I would have is that if you want to have friends, you have to suck it up and not complain. People will always be sympathetic to you, but at some point they just start avoiding you I think. It sucks though, yesterday I was having a really bad day and my wife asked me a question about something trivial. I responded "Look, I am having a really bad day, can we just deal with this tomorrow?". Her response? Mutters under her breath "every day seems like a bad day for you" and walks away. Not "oh, having a bad day, what is wrong" or "sure not problem". People get don't realize that SCI isn't a stubbed toe that goes away, its a 24/7 condition that grinds you down.

    Sorry, I guess I vented too. My advice? Just never show you don't really give a shit about their trivial little problems, smile and act if you care they got a kink in their neck because they slept wrong and that must be how your back feels all the time (one of the better idiotic things a person has said to me) and as for yourself don't complain and act if nothing is wrong. At least that way people don't start to avoid you.
    Tburst, you are right on with this and all of your above post: "yesterday I was having a really bad day and my wife asked me a question about something trivial. I responded "Look, I am having a really bad day, can we just deal with this tomorrow?". Her response? Mutters under her breath "every day seems like a bad day for you" and walks away."

    Two months ago a similar event happened to me, the difference was that my wife did walk out! This particular event wasn't the reason, we have been having problems for a while mostly because she would say "we dont have a life we dont do anything." This because the pain has reached the point where I am not as mobile as I was five years ago. After 12 years she got tired of it and worn out being around it. WE have to as you say "suck it up and stop complaining."
    Gary Is = L-1 Para for 34 years.....................
    ~~~~~~~~~~

  10. #30
    I always thought I had a high pain threshold, I know I do for an average person but dealing with an SCI in a partner I can't ever come close to what he is experiencing.

    Pain in general can be switched off when it's an injury or something transient like a cut on the head. When he's dealing with a long standing pain issue I'm trying to find any way I can to understand him through these forums.
    All I know is what a drag it is for him. No matter what you want to do in life, chair or not, the pain will drag you down.
    You can't make plans when pain moves in, there's no real life.

    I just pray for some light at the end of the tunnel

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