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Thread: Opinions

  1. #1

    Opinions

    First off, I'm not trying to broadcast family issues, I'd just like some advice.

    Last week my therapist told me he would be away for my regular session time the first week in March and said we would skip that week. After seeing I was not keen about that, he gave me two options for appointments. I was good with the one first thing in the morning because I'd be missing no academics and I could get a ride with my mom as she and my therapist work in the same place. I called my grandpa to see if he could give me a ride back to school as I couldn't book a bus. He says yes and then later calls my dad and says he doesn't want to. wtf? He doesn't WANT to help me transfer (I don't NEED help, I'm a para who does just fine) and he doesn't WANT to load/unload my chair because he might break it or drop me! Are you frickin' kidding me? He's transported me lots in the last 17 years and I'm almost entirely certain that my therapist would have come and helped him unload/transfer me if needed. I can break down my own chair (fold backrest, take wheels off, it ain't rocket science ) So thanfully I never booked the appointment but, I'm super angru and want to tell him exactly how I feel as this is not the first time he has pulled something like this and using my wheelchair/"disability" as an excuse makes me very sad/ angry.

    Thoughts?

    Thanks all!

    WG

  2. #2
    If it your grandfather, how old is he? Could it be that he doesn't feel physically capable anymore of doing transfers, etc and this is how it is manifesting, rather than him admitting it is too taxing physically for him?
    Last edited by orangejello; 02-23-2011 at 11:46 PM.

  3. #3
    He's in his early 70's and I understand what you mean but as I said, he is not required to do transfers. Also, my chair weighs appox. 20 pounds. I guess what I'm getting at is thst I don't really understand what the problem is and if that IS the problem, why not just say that?

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by wheeliegirl2010 View Post
    He's in his early 70's and I understand what you mean but as I said, he is not required to do transfers. Also, my chair weighs appox. 20 pounds. I guess what I'm getting at is thst I don't really understand what the problem is and if that IS the problem, why not just say that?
    Have you bothered to ask him directly what the problem may be? That might be a good place to start. I am not trying to be smart assed about it. But if you don't come out and ask him, how are you going to know if there is a problem and what it might be?

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by orangejello View Post
    Have you bothered to ask him directly what the problem may be? That might be a good place to start. I am not trying to be smart assed about it. But if you don't come out and ask him, how are you going to know if there is a problem and what it might be?

    No smartassishness taken ... I'm just not very good at confrontations.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by wheeliegirl2010 View Post
    He's in his early 70's and I understand what you mean but as I said, he is not required to do transfers. Also, my chair weighs appox. 20 pounds. I guess what I'm getting at is thst I don't really understand what the problem is and if that IS the problem, why not just say that?
    My father in law just turned 81. About 10 years ago we really started noticing some personality changes. He didn't want to go anywhere, would get argumentative over silly stuff and would really do lots of complaining. There were lots of other things, but that's the main jist...We thought about it a lot and finally concluded that when reaching that age he just wanted to be LESS involved in family things and turned over responsibility to everyone else. He seemed to be more content to just do his own thing and watch tv all day. I wouldn't take any of it personally or get angry. At first this behavior problem caused us all some grief and we took the whole thing to heart. (Kinda like your situation). Once we let it all go and backed off...it all went much better! I think it really is the way it is sometimes when you reach a certain age in life. Don't be hurt by him!

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by wheeliegirl2010 View Post
    No smartassishness taken ... I'm just not very good at confrontations.
    Neither am I. So if I do have to confront somebody in my family, I usually do it in writing.

    Can you write him a letter telling him how you feel and asking him if there is a problem?

  8. #8

    Smile

    Quote Originally Posted by wheeliegirl2010 View Post
    No smartassishness taken ... I'm just not very good at confrontations.
    There's your misconception. You are looking at this as an argument to start and making assumptions. If you look for a " fight" you will find it no matter what is said.
    Your options: Realize he may not want to admit to his young granddaughter , he isn't as able as he was even 5 years ago. Men, in general, don't like to show they are weak.

    Soon you will get your own license and drive?

    You have demonstrated in your posts you are a strong willed young woman. Use this as a learning curve. Crap doesn't't always turn out the way we want.
    We can however choose to deal with it positively.
    If you ask Grandpa why be pragmatic and adult not a kid that couldn't get a ride.

    Just my two cents
    Get involved in politics as if your life depended on it, because it does. -- Justin Dart

    I shall not tolerate ignorance or hate speech on this site.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Liz321 View Post
    There's your misconception. You are looking at this as an argument to start and making assumptions. If you look for a " fight" you will find it no matter what is said.
    Your options: Realize he may not want to admit to his young granddaughter , he isn't as able as he was even 5 years ago. Men, in general, don't like to show they are weak.

    Soon you will get your own license and drive?

    You have demonstrated in your posts you are a strong willed young woman. Use this as a learning curve. Crap doesn't't always turn out the way we want.
    We can however choose to deal with it positively.
    If you ask Grandpa why be pragmatic and adult not a kid that couldn't get a ride.

    Just my two cents
    I'm not looking for an arguement. As far as getting my drivers permit, I may never get it due to visual difficulties, we are actually doing testing for that in therapy right now.

  10. #10
    I don't understand the problem. We use to say it is ok to ask for a favour and it is legal to say no if you don't want. I don't think you should confront him, it is his right to deny doing things he doesn't want. My children don't come running if I ask for a favour, most of the time they say no and I have to ask my assistent that I pay to help with the things I can't or won't do.
    TH 12, 43 years post

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