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Thread: Solace

  1. #1

    Unhappy Solace

    I am in a need of some venting I guess;

    As I was watching my son, Jordan yesterday I have realized how hard he is trying to "fit into" his life, how desperately he want's to live a normal life, and how much he is trying to be happy, but not even the love of his sweet, beautiful girlfriend brings him any solace.
    He is just inconsolable.

  2. #2
    The dilemma is that his life as a spinal cord injured person is now his"normal" life. His AB life is history, just as his infancy and childhood are. It can take extended periods of time to work through those losses both he and you have experienced. I wonder how much of the feelings in your post are your feelings, and if it is truly reflective of where he is at in his adjustment. It has taken some of us a long time to come to grips with our SCI-personhood, and all I can suggest is for you to hang in there and and go with the flow each day. I can tell you that my mother's life took a real upswing when some positives started creeping rather unexpectedly into my life. When she died a few years ago, I know it was not with sadness for me in her heart. By then she no longer saw the wheelchair. I was just another of her kids, each with some notable differences. I can only wish that for you and Jordan down the road.
    You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
    http://www.rstce.pitt.edu/RSTCE_Reso...imb_Injury.pdf

    See my personal webpage @
    http://cccforum55.freehostia.com/

  3. #3
    Wise words.
    Naturally I to feel those emotions, but I know so does Jordan, we talk about it some times.

    I truly hope we will get to that point where you and your mom were.

    Thank You

  4. #4
    Senior Member Rrrrronnn's Avatar
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    How long has he been injured?
    .
    "If ya don't have it in the hips, ya better have it in the lips..." ~ Charlie - Villa Dulce

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by macska View Post
    I am in a need of some venting I guess;

    As I was watching my son, Jordan yesterday I have realized how hard he is trying to "fit into" his life, how desperately he want's to live a normal life, and how much he is trying to be happy, but not even the love of his sweet, beautiful girlfriend brings him any solace.
    He is just inconsolable.
    Andrea, has he considered counseling and/or medication? I know that the lack of justice for his circumstances as well as the condition itself must be a hard pill to swallow.


  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Rrrrronnn View Post
    How long has he been injured?
    Little over 8 years, and he is doing fine, but from time to time, I can just see it in his eyes. That deep sadness lingers.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Le Type Fran├žais View Post
    Andrea, has he considered counseling and/or medication? I know that the lack of justice for his circumstances as well as the condition itself must be a hard pill to swallow.
    No he would not babe, this is not something that prevents him from living, but I see the sadness and I wish it wasn't there.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by macska View Post
    No he would not babe, this is not something that prevents him from living, but I see the sadness and I wish it wasn't there.
    That's grief for you, Andrea, you know? It's hard to expect no sadness from something that is very saddening. Does he ever laugh about his injury or joke about it yet? Humor can be very healing. I've told shit to people about my being crippled that made them gave me a second look because they were shocked I'd joke about it.


  9. #9
    Senior Member lynnifer's Avatar
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    Being like this is almost like having PTSD ... because you're always going to run into an obstacle or person or other negative thing that reminds you of the chair. It took 18yrs before I realized the only way to get over these things was time and patience. I actually set aside a time to grieve and then move on. If you need more time to grieve, make that appointment to have quiet time with yourself and then move on when you can. Our coping skills get stretched outside our limits sometimes. It's tough to try and focus on the positive.

    It must be so difficult to be the parent ... I saw the sadness you speak of in my mother's eyes often. She didn't even get to live long enough to see the career I have, nor the condo or brand new car I was able to purchase. She met and liked David a lot - though they only knew each other six months before she passed. I can be thankful for that, regardless of how it turned out 13yrs later.

    Six or seven years ago, I started on a low dose of Celexa (5mg) and it's made a world of difference for me. I don't feel so trapped by sadness and hopelessness anymore.
    It's good that he has you to talk about it with. No one in my family ever wanted to hear it - when I was 12 - when I was a teenager - in my 20's - never.
    Roses are red. Tacos are enjoyable. Don't blame immigrants, because you're unemployable.

    T-11 Flaccid Paraplegic due to TM July 1985 @ age 12

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by lynnifer View Post
    It must be so difficult to be the parent ... I saw the sadness you speak of in my mother's eyes often.
    Bea Arthur's character in The Golden Girls told her son-in-law who had recently cheated on her daughter in an episode, "Seeing your child hurt is worse than any pain you could possibly feel yourself."

    I do think THAT itself is what contributes to any dysfunction between me and my parents. We're both angry and sad over what happened to me and we love each other so much, it's so easy to take it out on each other and we do at times, but I know they love me and I them.


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