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Thread: pasta boats or "why my mother is crazy #5345"

  1. #1
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    Wink pasta boats or "why my mother is crazy #5345"

    it all began with a phone call yesterday. there i was panicking and writing this 50+ page paper of DOOM that was due at midnight when i was interrupted out of my misery by the final fantasy VII theme song.

    a quick look at the phone told me my day was about to get worse. "mom's cell" it nagged with the cheery relaxing ringtone.

    i knew not answering would just leave to more calls so i picked up.

    "so... are u free today? i know u have meetings on sunday..."
    immediately i was suspicious. nothing good was going to come out of this.
    but i took the bait.

    "well i need to leave by 6:30 and i am currently doing homework. why?"

    "no reason. i just have a surprise for you"
    the big ball of dread suddenly turned into a massive pit. i felt nauseous. i hate surprises. especially ones from my mother. whatever it was it was going to be bad. it's ALWAYS something bad when my mother tells me she has a surprise for me. what would it be this time? a furbie with one eye missing? galaxy edition barbie with a light up wand? perhaps i could try to edge it out of her.

    "what is it?"
    "it's something u can cook with. i dont want to give it away, i'll be there around 4:30"
    shit. shit. shit. that gave me 3 hours to worry and dread. so i tore into my paper with a zeal that only the desperation of being stuck between a rock and a hardplace can bring.

    4:30 all too quickly arrived and my mom and first lil bro were at the door. great, she brought reinforcements to mitigate the blow.

    let me set the scene: i have not cleaned my apartment in 2 weeks due to being absolutely battered by homework. pots, pans, old dishes, mail, empty take out containers, empty bottles of 5hr energy shots are covering every open surface in my kitchen/living room. my desk is full of reference papers and homework that some has spilled onto the floor.

    and in comes my mother, trying to give me a...

    pasta boat.

    so there she was trying to take it out of the box and ranting and raving about it. but there is no place to put it so she tries to set it on top of some crap. "Look!" she exclaimed, "the handles can be ::CRASH! as the thing falls to the floor. she nonchalantly picks it up and sets it at an angle between a chair and the table and doesnt miss a beat:: used to measure pasta! isnt that cool?? ::insert forced laugh here::"
    god she must want to get rid of this really badly

    "james (her husband) accidentally bought four of them ::i knew it!:: and we're giving them away. ross has one too! isnt it cool??" note: my brother is 19 and lives in a dorm. he could prolly use one as only microwaves are allowed. and he likes pasta.

    clearly the look on my face that read "oh god she's really lost it. do we need a qvc intervention??" didnt daunt her because she then exclaimed

    "and there's more!!!"

    there's ALWAYS more...

    she has another smaller box and struggles to take out the item ::damn packaging science majors:: and reveals....

    A SLAP CHOPPER (
    but it's at NO additional cost she explained)

    but wait!
    johnny, tell them what else they've won!

    a recipe booklet with OVER 50 RECIPES to try and enjoy!

    my mother then cited the reasons why i should like it. chiefly being that "you wont scald yourself when u boil pasta!"

    i have only had one major incident with boiling water on the stove for pasta. i, however, cant count the times i have been burned by boiling water in the microwave for my tea. it's why i got an electric kettle.

    i also don't like pasta. i'll eat it cuz it's cheap but i have never really been a fan since i was a kid.

    i hate specialized gadgets that can only function as one thing.

    lastly and most obviously is that i dont need anymore shit in my apartment!!

    then here was the kicker: she glared at me cuz she knew i was not buying her spiel and then tells me that i should thank her husband for the nice gift.

    sometime during the night it fell on the floor. i havent really bothered to pick it up but it is going into the goodwill box that i am doing once finals week is over.

    but at least i got a good laugh out of it!
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
    http://www.elportavoz.com/

  2. #2
    Senior Member Foolish Old's Avatar
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    Foolish

    "We have met the enemy and he is us."-POGO.

    "I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it."~Edgar Allan Poe

    "Dream big, you might never wake up!"- Snoop Dogg

  3. #3
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    I had to google pasta boat after reading this .....



    I does look like just one more piece of clutter to me. But on the same page, I found I can grow a banana tree in my living room! And grow bananas for pennies apiece!



    Don't let your mom see that ..... or she will be dropping one off as well.
    T7-8 since Feb 2005

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    I think our mothers should meet. They mean well, but ....

  5. #5
    Senior Member diddlindoug's Avatar
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    Too Funny. I got one of those for a Christmas gift from my own Mom -whom I live with. Since I did go to chef school (but never used my degree as a proffesion) I do most of the cooking in the home from my wheelchair. I hate gadgets. Always have. My Mom, never the less always gets them for me. They are in cabinets I can't reach in the kitchen...LOL.

  6. #6
    And there are those of us who would kill to get a pasta boat! rofl
    You will find a guide to preserving shoulder function @
    http://www.rstce.pitt.edu/RSTCE_Reso...imb_Injury.pdf

    See my personal webpage @
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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by SCIfor55yrs. View Post
    And there are those of us who would kill to get a pasta boat! rofl
    i'll send it to you!
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
    http://www.elportavoz.com/

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  9. #9
    Senior Member Timaru's Avatar
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    Thanks for the smile cryptic.

  10. #10
    Magnificently told, Cryptic.

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