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Thread: For your laughing pleasure

  1. #1

    For your laughing pleasure

    KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER

    These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court.

    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
    impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory
    at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget…
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
    something you forgot?
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
    involved in voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do…
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ____________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
    his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
    _________________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
    Can I get a new attorney
    __________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death…
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Take a guess.
    ___________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
    performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a
    fight.
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
    did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral...
    _________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
    check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No…
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
    when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
    nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive &
    practicing law.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
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    Smile...
    Don - Grad Student Emeritus
    T3 ASIA A 26 years post injury

  3. #3
    lol Patty......made the lunch hour better, thanks.

  4. #4
    Oh that was good....loved the last line....

  5. #5
    Senior Member
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    I needed some laughs today and you provided.

    I think I will order. Thanks for sharing.
    T12-L2; Burst fracture L1: Incomplete walking with AFO's and cane since 1989

    My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am. ~Author Unknown

  6. #6
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    funny.

  7. #7
    fabulous, simply fabulous, darling

  8. #8
    Senior Member diddlindoug's Avatar
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    Love it!

  9. #9
    Good stuff. My favorite is the last one.

  10. #10
    Glad each of you enjoyed!! They gave me a good chuckle for the day, so I thought I'd share.

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