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Thread: You know what I hate about caregiving resources?

  1. #21

    An Analogy for the Angry Caregiver

    I have looked high and low on the internet to find an author to whom I can attribute the piece I quote below entitled An Analogy for the Angry Caregiver. I have been unsuccessful. But, I can tell you that I found it on Hubpages.com, while I was looking for material about caregivers. I think many of you will relate to the analogy, and I (like the author) hope none of you will be offended by her/his words and ideas and by my posting them.

    Many caregivers here at Care Cure Community, through their threads and posts have already identified these family, friend, associate, and acquaintance “types” and have more experience with them then they care to have had. Many of these “types” don’t show themselves to us until there is a crisis and we recognize a side to them that we didn’t know existed. We are disappointed in these people, because we thought we could expect more or better from them, but we are also disappointed in ourselves because we were not good judges about involving these people in our lives in the first place. These “types” of people exist in everyone’s life and always will…it is human nature. We cannot change that. We can only change ourselves, our perceptions, our attitudes, our reactions, and the degree to which we will let these “types” bring hurt, discomfort, “ain’t fair blues,” bitterness, anger, self loathing, and self pity into our lives.

    All of us who are caregivers to a loved one have experienced tragedy, change and loss, and because of these we grieve. I think we rarely get through all the stages of grief to acceptance. We cope and adapt. We live life with a different normality, but do we ever accept? Each of us has to explore this territory on our own, there are few maps and guides to follow on this journey.

    NL (GJ’s wife and caregiver)

    An Analogy for the Angry Caregiver
    “Now, I hate to compare it to this, but the following is an accurate analogy nonetheless. At the very least I hope you get a chuckle from it and aren't offended.

    Let's say the loved and cherished family dog isn't feeling well and takes a big poo in the middle of the living room. There will be the family member who rises to the challenge and begins cleaning up the mess and taking care of the dog who he/she loves dearly. (Caregiver)

    The responsible and loving person above will not likely be joined by any others in the room. No, these people are content to let you clean up the dog poo all by yourself. You know the types:

    Type 1:
    In the beginning some may pretend to not even see or smell the giant pile of poo in the middle of the room. (Those around you who use denial to get out of doing the work, or they use it because they can't face the truth because it hurts too much. These individuals are good at making up their own truths and they also tend to bug the _ _ _ _ out of the caregiver with stupid questions.)

    Type 2:
    Others may leave the room hurriedly to avoid having to look you in the eye and face their own guilty conscience because they don't want to clean up the poo. They run out saying, "I'm too busy. My spouse won't let me clean up the poo. I have a stressful job and don't have time left to devote to helping you comfort the puppy and clean up the poo." (These are usually siblings it would seem. Though many can't help if they aren't living nearby.)

    Type 3:
    And rest-assured others will thank you AFTER you have finished the job...but certainly keep their distance during the time when you could have used an extra roll of paper towels or bottle of carpet cleaner rather than their profuse thanks. (Distant relatives that could have called more often or offered to make phone calls for you -something, anything to take part of the burden off the caretaker's shoulders.)

    Type 4:
    And you'll have friends, lots of them, that tell you how great a job you are doing cleaning up poo and caring for puppy. They also let you know they don't think they could ever clean up after their puppy if it got sick and made a mess like that. They'd have to give that puppy to someone else that could take care of it better than they could. (People who are thanking their lucky stars they don't have to trade places with you. They generally mean well and are only trying to comfort you. These people are good company for an occasional dinner or drink when you can talk one of the other types above into caregiving for a night. Ha!)

    Well, I guess by now you are chuckling knowingly or you are offended that the above analogy does compare the loved one receiving care to a puppy...but puppies are the best and we have four -so I hope you aren't offended.”

  2. #22
    No-it did not offend me at all. It was sort of funny really.
    I've come to the conclusion that my husband's SCI has brought out the best and the worst in people.

  3. #23
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
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    move to the frozen north?!?!?!

    **** clutching my chest, gasping ****

    No way!!!!!!!!! lol... I just got from visiting my brother in New Hampshire ... I think I'll stay here. Raleigh-Durham is beginning to feel like north though too these days, maybe i need to look into the Bahamas!!!

  4. #24
    Senior Member zillazangel's Avatar
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    p.s. the response I get from (his) family is usually "oh, but you're so much better at it, so i won't get in the way" (whatever it is, usually feeding him or emptying the bag or whatever, easy stuff). I hate that one - I don't mind if you spill while feeding him ... I do too! And no, I don't like dumping urine any more than you do!

  5. #25
    When the "ain't fair blues" drift unexpectedly into my consciousness, I try to meditate on the the wedding vows, "...to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part." It is then that I remind myself that GJ and I made those vows to one another. Our friends and family didn't make those vows to us or we to them.

    NL (GJ's wife and caregiver)

  6. #26
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    Yes, I made those vows and I will stick to them, however I keep hearing God will only give you as much as you can handle, and I am here to say God really how much more can I handle???

  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by MSWIFE1 View Post
    Yes, I made those vows and I will stick to them, however I keep hearing God will only give you as much as you can handle, and I am here to say God really how much more can I handle???
    Amen sister. My friend gave me a plaque that said that and you can imagine where it ended up at.

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by MSWIFE1 View Post
    Yes, I made those vows and I will stick to them, however I keep hearing God will only give you as much as you can handle, and I am here to say God really how much more can I handle???
    God never said that. I think Paul did. When Paul lived, people got sick and died, they didn't live for years with an SCI so Paul can suck it.


  9. #29
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    Todd....you are too funny!!!

  10. #30
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    God Ami.... You are the best! I can only imagine and I bitch and moan and feel sorry for myself with a husband who is a T10 complete...but he is 65 going on 80... and that makes it a nightmare sometimes!

    Sieg

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