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Thread: hi all, it only gets worse

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by bollefen View Post
    worked my ass off this spring to solve a sacral complication and it helped my walking, net tho, i'm just deteriorating and feeling like i'm reaching the end of my ability to cope. funny despite getting worse. I've found more peace.

    struggling with suicide again. just don't know how to continue, hack a day awaay at a time but nothing left for life

    all that i am is all gone
    interesting words. the part about more peace while getting worse i can relate to. i think it is because a lot of stuff that use to bother me does no longer. the expression 'don't sweat the small stuff' has kinda expanded into 'don't sweat much at all' the thing about 'all that i am is gone' i gotta take exception to, it's more like 'all that i am is in my face 24/7' i would guess you have greater injuries than i do but i was talking to a fellow on the phone the other day and he told me i'm still the same guy i just do not have a right arm now, so i would hazard to guess you also are still the same guy, you just have what ever injuries you have. but then again, i do understand.

  2. #12
    Just take one day at a time. Sooo sorry you have to hurt so much.

  3. #13
    fact is, pain sucks. i think pain sucks more than anything. bill, i hope you hang in there. i'm sick on top of my daily pain, so you know what that does to the pain. tg i got my flu, pneu and pertussis shots, but i still can't breathe (stuffed up) or sleep, and, of course this all elevates pain. there's really nothin else to say. PAIN SUCKS.

  4. #14
    Sending thoughts and prayers, Bill...

  5. #15
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by yvettetot View Post
    Just take one day at a time. Sooo sorry you have to hurt so much.
    One day at a time can seem one day too many when one is feeling hopeless. I hope you have someone to talk/vent to, Bill - letting off some steam (in a longer interaction than posting on a message board, as good as this place is) might help. Heck, just screaming into a pillow is good, I'm told (if you can scream - I don't have the lung strength, apparently.)
    Alan

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

  6. #16
    I keep read on the life thread are you happy and all i want to say is I wish I was fucking dead. talk works sometimes but I'm in a death spiral just don't knwo how far to the ground.

    cripes just a freaking day without the pain or even a real reduction for a bit

    thanks all, the only folks who actually get it

    don't even have the energy to visit the board anymore. Don't know whats worse the pain or the mental depletion, not depression, different just nothing left anymore.

    Namaste (Sanaskrit "I honor the place in you in which the entire Universe dwells, I honor the place in you which is of Love, of Integrity, of Wisdom and of Peace. When you are in that place in you, and I am in that place in me, we are One.")
    Kindly,

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  7. #17
    I wish there is something that could help you. I get what you must be feeling even though my situation is not even a hundreth of what you you have to deal with. I wish you could reach a place where you could tolerate the pain. I wish you could have peace. I wish you could have some hope.

    Maybe happy is too much to reach for right now. You are sick and tired of your situation and nobody has been able to help you. Why wouldn't that make anyone discouraged? Your feelings are valid. You may think that nothing will ever help you, but you don't really know that to be true. There may be something coming that will make life bearable again. You never know what is around the corner or when it will come.

    If your hopes have been dashed many times before no wonder you may be cynical. But once something does come that will help you, even a little bit, it will make all the difference in the world! When this happens, you will be glad that you held on. So please, please, don't give up hope. Give yourself a break and then look for a new Dr to see if there are any different possibilities to help you.

  8. #18
    thanks all for the thoughts, made this crisis, just gets closer each time.

    All that I am is all gone.

    kindly,

    bill
    Kindly,

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  9. #19
    Relieved to see your kitty avatar Bill.
    I have no sugary words for you. Wishing you some relief.

  10. #20
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
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    Things keep getting worse. I seem to have the symptoms of a cervical syrinx (loss of sensation at the top of my back, new pains there, continued worsening of the old pains (especially across my shoulder blades and along my spine - I'm sick of the feeling of sharp broken bones sticking through burning, scraped-off skin, along with the other sensations. And the damn spinal curves.) But despite changes, MRI reports keep saying no significant change from previous scan, and don't report cord tethering. Two neurosurgeons last year attributed the changes to aging with SCI, one said there might be a syrinx and tethering, but surgery wasn't likely to help. Bah.

    Where's a fatal heart attack when one is needed?
    Alan

    Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

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