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Thread: Where Are They Now?

  1. #1

    Where Are They Now?

    Open this link:

    http://sci.rutgers.edu/forum/forumdi...=desc&page=120

    Look through the list of threads. Open a few. Look at the user names. For a lot of them, wonder, where are they now?

    Many of course are still active on CC. Some we know have taken a semi-permanent break from posting. A few have passed away. The rest have just kind of faded out.

    I guess I don't have any real point to make, but I do find myself wondering, where are they now? Are they doing well? Did they just lose interest in CC? Why did they stop posting?

  2. #2
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    I don't have any answers to your question, of course, but my guess is that some just faded away over time. Hopefully some were here to get questions answered and having gotten that left, but I also think that some might have gotten tired of the lack of empathy shown by some members to other members, or the fact that you could have spent decades of your life advancing acceptance of PWD and still be ragged on here for not having a single minded focus on "THE CURE." The same people who have jobs, opportunities, and who often compare their latest wheelchairs with the same bragging rights usually reserved for automobiles seem to often be unable to grasp the concepts that all of that is available to them based on those who came before. Speaking for myself, after 44 years post SCI the whole dogmatic "if you are not working towards a cure you are useless" approach is not only nonsense, it is also profoundly ungrateful to those who endured, legislated, and fought for things newbies don't even have to think about. OK, that is just one take on the question......my answer, nothing more.

  3. #3
    Senior Member tooley's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lazlo View Post
    Look through the list of threads. Open a few. Look at the user names. For a lot of them, wonder, where are they now?

    I have often wondered this. I read alot of old threads and see names that never post anymore. Then you look at their profile and see they are still active, they just don't post. I feel like that sometimes, like I'm writing on a brick wall in the dark.

    Actually this spring I noticed a huge drop-off in the volume of new threads/posts. I chalked it up to summertime, the weather being good most people are out doing their thing. But now I'm not so sure. Seems like alot of people just get sick and tired and move on.

    Being my first year here (a wheelie noob) I think about all the old users who are no longer active on CC. On good days I envision them having jobs/lives/families and have figured out this SCI existence. On bad days I think that they have become bitter and distant from society, even this little community. On really bad days I wonder how many have just given up completely or even committed suicide.

    The "Banned" label is another thing. After some of the hurtful posts I've witnessed in the last 8 months, how do you get kicked out of this place?

    Sometimes CC can be depressing. I try to stay up with the positive threads, WolfeMan's food posts, the Movies, the member pictures, especially the equipment forum because I love seeing shiny new toys. The Pain forum puzzles me because I don't understand how people can feel any better discussing their aches/spasms and dwelling on them. What really makes me shake my head is how a cyber-hug helps anyone, I feel worse when I know they are taking pity on me- like I'm a bawling 3 year old with everyone going "awwww..."

    To each their own. CC has helped me, to know that every SCI is different and everyone deals with it differently. The people that work, live in nice houses, with happy relationships, exercise, and don't piss and moan have had the greatest impact on me. I meet other quads in real life but it usually seems they are wearing a mask, either to make themselves or me feel better. Here people can let their guard down because of the anonymity/arms length to others.

  4. #4
    Since I found CC I often use the search feature for topics of care. We have a hard time getting SCI medical information in our area. It has been invaluable and wish I had known about CC earlier.
    I also wonder what happened to some of the people that wrote (with such honest advice and experience) on the old threads. I admit it feels strange sometimes, like am eavesdropping on conversations.
    Last edited by LindaT; 08-21-2010 at 12:10 PM. Reason: timed out during post

  5. #5
    There are a number of reasons that come to mind.

    One, of course, is that this is a population that carries an unpleasantly high medical risk. Therefore, a larger proportion of CareCurians than in other forums will die each year.

    I have participated in several forums and email lists over the years since they have developed. There is generally an enthusiasm that may last for several years; after a time though, it seems like you've seen it all - the posts get repetitive, so it may get boring, the person loses interest, and ceases to visit the site.

    Then, as mentioned, one can get disillusioned by the namecalling, not to mention venom, that a small number of posters spew, and leave to avoid insult. I find this to be a particularly disturbing cause, as it has resulted in the loss of good friends and valuable resources from the community.

    The banhammer has been wielded only rarely; my guess is no more than every year or so (not counting when it has come down upon spammers). It takes repeated offenses after numerous warnings before our wise Odin strikes, and that reluctantly.

    - Richard

  6. #6
    People burn out, move on. The best become mods and quit posting imo, I've begun to hate it when my favorites become moderators. One friend got burnt out on everybody whining LOL, so it's not that all ppl leave due to perceived lack of compassion!

    Sometimes I feel like a failure for still being here, in truth. But I need the support and I'd be lost w/out the equipment and computer forums when crucial parts fail. I like to think I have something to offer, esp to noobs, when I'm less drained emotionally than what I am lately. Right now just a huge sucking drain but someday will again be able to reciprocate the kindness I've found at CC.

    After the guy called me a lying cheating c*** on yahoo scrabble of all places-CC ain't so bad. There are MANY ppl I miss, and too many of them are dead.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by betheny View Post
    People burn out, move on. The best become mods and quit posting imo, I've begun to hate it when my favorites become moderators. One friend got burnt out on everybody whining LOL, so it's not that all ppl leave due to perceived lack of compassion!

    Sometimes I feel like a failure for still being here, in truth. But I need the support and I'd be lost w/out the equipment and computer forums when crucial parts fail. I like to think I have something to offer, esp to noobs, when I'm less drained emotionally than what I am lately. Right now just a huge sucking drain but someday will again be able to reciprocate the kindness I've found at CC.

    After the guy called me a lying cheating c*** on yahoo scrabble of all places-CC ain't so bad. There are MANY ppl I miss, and too many of them are dead.
    Bethany, You have helped this "noob" out more than you know.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by betheny View Post
    After the guy called me a lying cheating c*** on yahoo scrabble of all places-CC ain't so bad. There are MANY ppl I miss, and too many of them are dead.
    You should have retorted, "Is cunt a double word score?"


  9. #9
    joined only a couple years ago and learned a lot but my pain is too much, 6 years, never below 6-7 usally 8-9 10 way too often, like now. nothing to learn, too little left to share, no cure, no hope, love this place

    no energy to post much, hope adn pray i'll be one of the dead ones soon

    dark angels follow me
    Kindly,

    The Ketamine Kitty

    All the tears, all the pain, all the rage through the night (apolgies to the rewrite) RR

    Next time I die make sure I'm gone,
    don't leave 'em nothing to work on JT

    And I ain't nothin but a dream JM

  10. #10
    Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
    I don't have any answers to your question, of course, but my guess is that some just faded away over time. Hopefully some were here to get questions answered and having gotten that left, but I also think that some might have gotten tired of the lack of empathy shown by some members to other members, or the fact that you could have spent decades of your life advancing acceptance of PWD and still be ragged on here for not having a single minded focus on "THE CURE." The same people who have jobs, opportunities, and who often compare their latest wheelchairs with the same bragging rights usually reserved for automobiles seem to often be unable to grasp the concepts that all of that is available to them based on those who came before. Speaking for myself, after 44 years post SCI the whole dogmatic "if you are not working towards a cure you are useless" approach is not only nonsense, it is also profoundly ungrateful to those who endured, legislated, and fought for things newbies don't even have to think about. OK, that is just one take on the question......my answer, nothing more.
    Agree, if more people was working for cures especially on a cure website I believe more people would feel welcome and post, and not have their cure threads constantly interrupted by others with negative posts in those cure threads.

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