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Thread: how many try to hide pain?

  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by cass View Post
    i get the feeling ppl think i'm saying something i'm not. i'm not saying, yeah, mention it every day. i'm not even saying bring it up once a month or w/e. i am saying your boss and medical at work should be aware of the issue. i spent 23 yrs hiding it from them and when it got really bad, they thought my attitude sucked.

    that wasn't it. had i been forthright w/them earlier, i would have avoided probs. never have i said bring it up in interviews as i think someone commented on. of course not.

    i am talking about the 70 hr work weeks i did. i am talking about drawing a line and saying my job description is 40, not 70. i was literally told by a 2nd level that all engineers at my level were expected to work at least 50 hr work weeks (no, not in job description, not legal, blah blah). i am saying i did not stand my ground and say no. i hid the pain, worked the 70 hr work weeks to be like everybody else. it's wrong.
    I kind of think your being too hard on yourself.
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  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by swh2007 View Post
    I kind of think your being too hard on yourself.
    how so? i'm just telling it like it was. and wishing i'd done it differently.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by cass View Post
    how so? i'm just telling it like it was. and wishing i'd done it differently.
    OK, I understand. From the description of your workplace, I doubt it would have made much difference. Pretty much seems like a heartless place, which is pretty common these days. Had you not played along, you would have been gone. Just saying that I'm not so sure you had a choice except maybe to go elsewhere.

    We do what we think we need to do, and then later we realize maybe we didn't need to go the route we went. I get it.
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  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by cass View Post
    i get the feeling ppl think i'm saying something i'm not. i'm not saying, yeah, mention it every day. i'm not even saying bring it up once a month or w/e. i am saying your boss and medical at work should be aware of the issue. i spent 23 yrs hiding it from them and when it got really bad, they thought my attitude sucked.

    that wasn't it. had i been forthright w/them earlier, i would have avoided probs. never have i said bring it up in interviews as i think someone commented on. of course not.

    i am talking about the 70 hr work weeks i did. i am talking about drawing a line and saying my job description is 40, not 70. i was literally told by a 2nd level that all engineers at my level were expected to work at least 50 hr work weeks (no, not in job description, not legal, blah blah). i am saying i did not stand my ground and say no. i hid the pain, worked the 70 hr work weeks to be like everybody else. it's wrong.
    I think I know exactly what you are talking about, and I am guilty of keeping any pain I was feeling almost as a state secret rather than to share it with my co-workers or boss. I worked about 50 per week and also had to do an evening clinic every Tuesday that ran till about 8 pm, meaning I had been in work 12 hours that day. Then I went to school at night. I think the fact that I did not trust the response of my fellow employee's to my pain levels is what kept me silent, and that I wanted to be seen so desperately as no different than they were with the exception of the chair. I know how ludicrous that sounds, but it felt like my financial safety depended on being the most upbeat, cheerful, and non-complaining person in the whole department. I know now it came from a place of insecurity, and that it actually confused the hell out of my employee's when I did finally leave because I had done such a good job hiding my difficulties that they didn't have a clue why I was leaving, and because of short term disability I could not enlighten them that it was highly unlikely to be coming back. They sent me get well cards, and lots of them had messages saying how much they were looking forward to my return, which made me feel duplicitous, anxious, and very, very sad. I suspect even to this day there are some who think I just wanted to stop working instead of the actual truth, which was that I could not do it any longer, and had done it far too long anyway.

  5. #25
    Senior Member alan's Avatar
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    I only tell a few people. Of course, everyone sees me fidgeting and grimacing.
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  6. #26
    I know i do not let my pain known to others because I know that they aren't going to understand it and I really don't feel like I am able to explain it well enough without getting even more upset then I already am at the moment. I hope that makes sense.
    I also do not want to give people even more to worry about then they have to!

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  7. #27
    Quote Originally Posted by Eileen View Post
    I think I know exactly what you are talking about, and I am guilty of keeping any pain I was feeling almost as a state secret rather than to share it with my co-workers or boss. I worked about 50 per week and also had to do an evening clinic every Tuesday that ran till about 8 pm, meaning I had been in work 12 hours that day. Then I went to school at night. I think the fact that I did not trust the response of my fellow employee's to my pain levels is what kept me silent, and that I wanted to be seen so desperately as no different than they were with the exception of the chair. I know how ludicrous that sounds, but it felt like my financial safety depended on being the most upbeat, cheerful, and non-complaining person in the whole department. I know now it came from a place of insecurity, and that it actually confused the hell out of my employee's when I did finally leave because I had done such a good job hiding my difficulties that they didn't have a clue why I was leaving, and because of short term disability I could not enlighten them that it was highly unlikely to be coming back. They sent me get well cards, and lots of them had messages saying how much they were looking forward to my return, which made me feel duplicitous, anxious, and very, very sad. I suspect even to this day there are some who think I just wanted to stop working instead of the actual truth, which was that I could not do it any longer, and had done it far too long anyway.
    exactly. you said it much better than i did. thank you!

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by bollefen View Post

    Dark angels follow me, always, and often their call is so inviting.
    You break my heart, Bill.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------

    I'm always hurting. It's funny to mention it though & get asked if I need an Aleve. If only. I try not to bring it up too much, peeps seem to think you're a little overly dramatic b/c they can't seem to imagine it possible to feel like your feet are being raked over coals, a flesh burning spiked two liter bottle is being shoved up your ass & an elephant is sitting on your shoulders.

  9. #29
    Quote Originally Posted by duge View Post
    I think people can sense when your in pain sometimes! I've had it for almost 8 yrs now and it's NEVER let up. Yeah I can walk some but it hurts like hell!!!!!! ao when they see me they know so most end up asking and it's like duh.............
    Oh I do not envy walkers. Just rubbing my feet amps my nerve pain, I can't imagine walking on them..damn!

  10. #30
    Quote Originally Posted by bollefen View Post

    It would be nice if we could show it, it would be nice if others could understand,

    woulda coulda shoulda it sucks but no one can cope

    I weary of this existence, live my life the best and enjoy what I can and pray to die and be released.
    My neighbors and acquaintences think I am "The life of the party" I definately fake how I feel when I am out in public and it takes tons of energy! It is exhausting!
    I too have had terrible burning aching stabbing (you know the drill) pain for over 18yrs. There are very few people I can be myself with. Actually 2, my husband and my sister and I fear that they are both tiring of me. I hurt, I cry, I often want to die. Somehow, I get up each day and make it through. I feel bad that I complain to them, but I have to talk to someone about it! The pain doc just doesn't seem to understand the severity of my pain. Even if he did, i have tried everything, and nothing works! Screw the cure, help the pain!

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