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Thread: A day in the life with aides

  1. #1
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    A day in the life with aides

    I have a really great woman helping me now, so I won't have much to add to this thread for a while, but she's leaving in August and I have to enter the wars once again. My other experiences with live-in assistance have been just horrifying.

    But even my current wonder occasioned this response “you do realize that telling me to relax my arm or bend my knees is like my telling you to fly.”

    I’d love to keep this thread going with commiserative tales. It certainly will make me feel less alone, and maybe we can compile it and send it to some training agencies. It’a not quite John Lennon’s handwritten lyrics, but I expect we can compile a worthwhile and compelling tome.

  2. #2
    We are fortunate to have a morning aide that can do everything my husband needs. She even helped me change his trachea this morning. She knows how to use the cough assist, suction etc.
    I was able to spend my first night away since his SCI without too much worry because she was here.
    The problem? Her incessant, constant talking!!! She sits down to chat about her kids or something that happened. Spouse now knows to get her going to the bedroom to start. His vest percussion treatments last 13 minutes, she comes out to chatter at me.He does not have a voice half of the time and does not mind her yakking. When she is here it is sometimes my only "alone time." I had a new purse hanging up and she said "You didn't pay $40 for that did you?" (No)
    BUT-I have to look at the pros and Her care and skill outweigh the annoyance. Saying anything would cause tension. We hire our own people because no agency will take him and are lucky to find anyone.

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    Maybe try something like, "excuse me. I'm so sorry but I just can't talk right now. I really have to get this done." And then go back to your computer or pick up your book or your phone and do whatever you need to be doing. After a few times, maybe she'll catch on. Most people with any sensedto realize that your life has its own breathing to do and cannot revolve around her conversation,

  4. #4
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    my aide comes once a week. she is very helpful and nice. in the beginning she commented on how my apartment, despite being labeled accesible, really wasnt. i cant open the cabinets because there are no handles on them at all. so she washes dishes and helps me shower and it was only after she left that i realised she had put my dishes on the TOP shelf of the upper cabinet!!! had to call a friend to help me get my stuff down as i had no dishes to eat on.
    "Smells like death in a bucket of chicken!"
    http://www.elportavoz.com/

  5. #5
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    Our aide that we really love and have hired personally has been out of medical leave for about 6 months due to breast cancer. I really miss her but have promised her I would not replace her so myself and our 2 daughters have bucked it up and are doing more temporarily. I soo miss her though. She to is wonderful but she is persistant that food dishes left in the fridge for David be in tuperware containers with lids otherwise they will dry out. I intentionally don't cover them as it is much easier for David to get into. I have told her this but she says I will uncover them, she wants to mother hen David when I want him to become more independent. David on the otherhand enjoys the mothering. I tell him I'm not his mother, rather his wife and I won't mother him. LOL

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    I know EXACTLY how you feel. Just like with hearing "does this foot rub feel good", "sorry, my hands are so cold"..etc.

    I love when nurses inform the highly educated doctors I'm paralyzed from the chest down then they look at me, asking me to roll to my side on a teeny, tiny x-ray table. Pat on the head "smart one".lol

    I got asked at a restaurant the other day why I couldn't just get up & slide into the booth. My bff replied with "Damn, can yout just quit being crippled for one day!" as we'd already had to leave an unaccessible one earlier. The greeters red face was worth it & we had a good laugh! I guess they think @ 30, I'm just riding around in my hoveround b/c I'm lazy.

    Think.People!

  7. #7
    Moderator jody's Avatar
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    I though maybe you got aids. my heart jumped.

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    Jody, your hilarious. I can't quit laughing.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Random View Post
    Maybe try something like, "excuse me. I'm so sorry but I just can't talk right now. I really have to get this done." And then go back to your computer or pick up your book or your phone and do whatever you need to be doing. After a few times, maybe she'll catch on. Most people with any sensedto realize that your life has its own breathing to do and cannot revolve around her conversation,
    Sometimes that works or I just answer with one word answers and look like I am really concentrating on what I am doing. If she really his yakking my husband starts clicking really loud so she goes back there.
    Weighing the positives and negatives. We have 3 and they all have some of each.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Mona~on~wheels's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LindaT View Post
    We are fortunate to have a morning aide that can do everything my husband needs. She even helped me change his trachea this morning. She knows how to use the cough assist, suction etc.
    I was able to spend my first night away since his SCI without too much worry because she was here.
    The problem? Her incessant, constant talking!!! She sits down to chat about her kids or something that happened. Spouse now knows to get her going to the bedroom to start. His vest percussion treatments last 13 minutes, she comes out to chatter at me.He does not have a voice half of the time and does not mind her yakking. When she is here it is sometimes my only "alone time." I had a new purse hanging up and she said "You didn't pay $40 for that did you?" (No)
    BUT-I have to look at the pros and Her care and skill outweigh the annoyance. Saying anything would cause tension. We hire our own people because no agency will take him and are lucky to find anyone.

    Great topic. Should be pinned..
    I could write a book about this topic. I have 3 rotating aides.
    Right now I have 2 Chatty Cathy's.
    My aides & I talk about everything and that's okay to so point.
    But there's times you have to work & shut up.
    I've been struggling with my morning aide to just get me up.
    I've told her she can leave early with same pay as long as everything is done.
    But she'd rather talk all morning & drag it out. grrrr
    In between her sentencs I'll say, "we need to hurry."
    She keeps talking.
    "I would like to be at my computer early today." "Give reason"
    She keeps talking.
    I love her to death. She's my best aide in 20 yrs.
    The most caring, christian, stays till everything I need or just want is done.
    Late or not. She won't leave till there's nothing else I want.
    Does any errand I want.
    I love talking to her. We know everything about each other's family.
    But sometimes I just wish she'd be quiet & just get me up.
    I would be devasted without her.
    She's a friend for life.
    She knows how I feel.
    She works two jobs almost 60 hrs a week.
    She gets off the other job at 10 pm and gets up at 5 am to be at my house by 6 am.
    She's half asleep at my house which bugs me.
    But I love her.

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