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Thread: walking MS and doors people helping out

  1. #1

    walking MS and doors people helping out

    Hi there...I have MS DXed for two years(subject to change lol) Anyways I have my little walk stick and can walk good for the most part, but sometimes I get all sorts of confused and have to concentrate on it. In these times I obviously look like I have some trouble to others... Crashing my left foot into the back of my right foot and almost falling(not yet though)

    Some people ask me if I'm ok or "what did you do" As in car accident or are you drunk.

    I'm thinking of getting a shirt that says. I HAVE MS! No I didn't break a leg or get drunk the night before... I have a disease that frigs up my nerve waves and it makes me do some crazy things lol.

    Also do people treat you special?... Everyone is opening doors for me or helping me get stuff off shelves.... I can be slow and look like I am having trouble, but I can do it and I enjoy doing it.... I'm 35 and not ready for all of that "poor guy needs help BS" I know people mean well, but I hate thinking I am someone elses responsibility like this person SHOULD open the door for me.

    Anyone else get tired of being "helped" out in the real world because of your noticeable problems? I know in the future I wil need some help, but right now I can do it myself...I don't want to be helped so much...I don't want people thinking "poor guy" I'm not a poor guy....I just can't walk like everyone and sometimes I need to pee bad, LMAO, but I just want to feel like I'm not someone's responsibility.

    Thanks for hearing my rant.

  2. #2
    Hi! I don't have MS, but I do have a birth defect of hip/arthritis, which basically puts me into some of the same situations you have described above.

    It really depends on the situation as to whether I accept help or not...

    For instance, we had a snowstorm that blew up faster than water coming over Niagra Falls and I had to pump some gas to get home. i stopped at the local gas station...NOT full service...and a man who was a total stranger came up to me and said, go in and pay, I will pump your gas for you...and he DID. I didn't turn that one down at all...lol. I was afraid I was going to slide down in the slush that was gathering...frankly I think he was an angel in disguise...

    Sometimes in stores, folks ask if I need help to the car. Sometimes customers, sometimes employees. I try not to trouble the customers, but if an employee approaches, I usually accept the help. One reason I do this is that I used to be a cashier at a huge grocery chain, and we were told to help anyone who was handicapped, or we would be fired. We also were told that if the person said no, we were to tell them it was a courtesy of said grocery chain, and we had to help them no matter what they said.

    I was obviously younger and less feeble in those days...lol.

    Take care!

    Teena

  3. #3
    I do think that a simple question of "need some help?" is not prying in any way. That also puts the ball in the court of the person who looks like they need help to say yes or no...

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Unconstruct View Post

    Also do people treat you special?... Everyone is opening doors for me or helping me get stuff off shelves.... I can be slow and look like I am having trouble, but I can do it and I enjoy doing it.... I'm 35 and not ready for all of that "poor guy needs help BS" I know people mean well, but I hate thinking I am someone elses responsibility like this person SHOULD open the door for me.

    Anyone else get tired of being "helped" out in the real world because of your noticeable problems? I know in the future I wil need some help, but right now I can do it myself...I don't want to be helped so much...I don't want people thinking "poor guy" I'm not a poor guy....I just can't walk like everyone and sometimes I need to pee bad, LMAO, but I just want to feel like I'm not someone's responsibility.

    Thanks for hearing my rant.
    I have had an obvious disability for over 35 years. I'm 48 now. It used to bug the hell out of me when people tried to do things for me, when I was more than capable of doing these things myself.

    Unless what the other person is doing, interferes with my ability to do something on my own, I don't care anymore. If someone opens a door for me, I say thank you, and I mean it. Not because I needed to have the door opened, but because they were simply trying to help a fellow human being. These are friendly well meaning gestures and I decided that they should get a smile and a thank you in return. So in the end, I am doing something for them as much as they are for me.

    So I know where you are coming from. For me though, it was just a hump I needed to get over. It was my self image issue that was the problem, not the actions of others. Now that I am older, I know that "I kick ass" as a person . All of us with disabilities do, right? We face challenges on a daily basis that would scare the shit out of most people.

  5. #5
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    Welcome and ditto what was said previously. I am needier than you, but I don't think it really hurts to accept help if it truly helps. If you really don't want the help, "thanks, I've got it" if they just start doing it or "no thanks; I'm okay" if they ask you first both seem good solutions to me.

    I remember when I still could walk, albeit like a drunk, and having that same experience -- people on the street looking at my feet, then at my face, then at my feet, and thinking, you know, ‘you're drunk.’ I never really came up with a solution for that, although of course the problem went away when crutches and then the wheelchair became present. I really hope you can find a solution without ever getting there (it was spinal cord injury that got me there), although if you think a cane might help the walking that would certainly quiet some of the confusion. If people ask, you might try something like "I have a neurological problem that screwing with my walking a little lately" or something of that nature

    I don't think you should worry about the “poor guy" thing. You are a strong guy managing a challenging situation, and people should admire you for that. Or just know that about yourself, and don't worry about what people think.

  6. #6
    I do walk with a cane, wear a wrist brace on my right hand to keep it from buckling when I shift my weight to the cane. I also wear a knee brace that helps my soft leg. It's pretty obvious.

    I followed a young woman out of Dollar General a few days ago who had two toddlers in tow with a cart full of stuff. I was handed my bag and I went for the door. I stop for a moment to get ready with my bag clenched tite so I don't lose it as I open the door with my shoulder. Well there she comes to my rescue and opened the door fully as I said thanks and walked out hoping I didn't kick my own leg out from under me lmao.

    Well I never use the handi parking....I just can't do it so I walked about 5 cars down and she had her eyes on me....I stepped down the curb and put the cane next to the car as I opened up the door. I put my cane in the door to brace it, because I grab the door to let myself down...I'm good at it, but she was still watching me..I could feel it. As if she would be there if I fall lol.

    I mean I'm not an asshole...I remember helping out people myself, before this stupid disease and it made me feel good that I helped...I tell people thanks and I smile, but I hate feeling like I am a responsbility of the public..that they need to help me with everything.

    I'm just not used to getting the feel sorry treatment... I'm nothing special..just a guy who has a stupid disease that he can't do anything about... you don't have to watch after me.

  7. #7
    I never get upset when people help me. The reason why is because the day will come when you will need help. Myself i get more upset when people refuse to acknowledge you as if your invisible or the grocery carriers leaving before they ask if you need help.
    “If everybody's thinking alike, somebody isn't thinking.” Gen. Patton

  8. #8
    I need my cane for walking distances and stairs but also because I need a seat on the bus or subway and am thankful for even older people give up their seat for me.

    I walk slower on the side and know what you mean if a person is way up ahead of you holding the door for you and you feel like you have to hurry to catch up. Next time I'll say it's okay go ahead. Don't want to risk a fall.

    I still feel young at 50 but you're only 35 and can understand where you're coming from. Good for you you're very independent but yeah people need to help you out or ask if you're okay. It's part of our nature. My best. Cher
    ________________________________________

  9. #9
    I will admit that I have been pretty grumpy for a long time, who can blame me. I went from racing DIRT cars and mowing my own yard, to having to park in handi zones and having people mow my yard because I get winded so fast. I wear a stupid piss pad just in case my bladder goes spazzin..I don't have to, being on meds, but I had a close call once...I feel better knowing somethings in place..when I go public. This "thing" hit me hard at my age and it sucks..

    I like to prolong my "able" self for as long as possible and forget what is ahead...I cross my fingers for a cure, but it's a pipe dream(a good one to have though).

    I dunno...it's just a constant reminder that I'm being beaten by this thing when people notice and help all the time....it sucks and I get pissed off about it.
    And yes I know I'm not alone, but.... this is my world I'm living like everyone else that deals with this "thing"

    Thanks for writing me..I do appreciate it.

  10. #10
    My biggest concern about people opening doors when I'm walking is that they will get in my way and cause me to trip. I don't know how many times I've almost fallen on my face because someone opened a door that I was using for support.
    "The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -Gloria Steinem

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