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Thread: Can't Get Used to Having PCA

  1. #1
    Senior Member Domosoyo's Avatar
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    Can't Get Used to Having PCA

    We finally have PCA services in place for our daughter and I just can't get used to this situation. I've been the primary caregiver since her return home last fall and I feel like I'm just waiting until she leaves. I should be happy to have the help right?! Why do I feel so down every time she is here?

    Right now she is here late afternoon into the evening. Once school is out, she will be here pretty much during business hours. Maybe that will be different because I will be working. Anyone other caregivers go through this? I'm hoping it becomes more "normal."

  2. #2
    Senior Member Rrrrronnn's Avatar
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    If I may from an SCI point of view, I relate in the way that it was very hard to get used to someone who is not family in our house 5 days a week, no matter how much I like them. Weekends are a relief when it's just the family and not some "stranger". It did get much better when we chose to be more selective and ended up having some really good PCAs. To me what made a good PCA was one that was trustworthy, on time, wasn't lazy, and didn't blab constantly. During those lulls in need she just chills in the background and reads a book or shoots texts to whoever she communicates with, but when needed she is very helpful.

    From a parental caregiving standpoint I'd imagine that triggers a whole other set of feelings that I cannot fully comprehend, but obviously others here will share.
    .
    "If ya don't have it in the hips, ya better have it in the lips..." ~ Charlie - Villa Dulce

  3. #3
    Senior Member Domosoyo's Avatar
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    Rrrrronnn-

    You are spot on with how my daughter and the rest of the family are feeling. I just told the PCA today how independent our chick is and that she may want to bring something to do, watch TV, talk on the phone, I don't care....just don't stick to her like glue. Somedays the PCA won't have much in the way of "cares" to document for the agency she works for and that is just how it is.

    We'll keep training....

  4. #4
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    You'll get used to it. Adapting to new things can be difficult unless you're me. ^5

  5. #5
    Senior Member Van Quad's Avatar
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    I know the feeling. I make do with minimal care. But I know cats on Worker's Compensation benefits who have people around 26 hours a day. I don't know how they do it, but they are determined to use every benefit offered.

  6. #6
    I think the hardest part for me in the beginning was having people come into our bedroom. I felt like I had to make my bed or get dressed before they got here. One morning I stubbed my toe bloody on the wheel lock to Dave's bed and let out a string of cuss words. The aide later told me I didn't seem like the type of person that said words like that. We laugh about it now.
    Now I walk around in my pj's until I feel like getting dressed.
    Our best aide drives me crazy with constant blabbing, but she is also the most competent.

  7. #7
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    I have used aids for 4 1/2 years now, most of the time I am at work when they are here to care for my husband, but when I am here, I feel like a stranger in my own home. The best one we had who is now on leave for breast cancer was like a mother to both my husband and I. She is and was great, however, she scolded me for things like not covering dishes in the fridge (which I left uncovered so David could get to them easier on his own) or not folding towels properly (the way my real mother taught me) etc. etc. She even brought her own broom to sweep our hardwood floors because she didnt like mine. She's funny, and I love and miss her dearly, however I really don't like to be here with her. I still don't allow any of them to wash or fold any of my under clothes, just seems really weird and too personal.

  8. #8
    A couple times I left a basket of laundry for myself to fold later and one of the aides folded it. It was so weird to have someone I don't know fold my panties.
    It should seem weirder that they give my husband a bowel program and a shower, but it doesn't.
    They are all younger than my kids.

  9. #9
    I can live without outside aides. I do everything I can to not depend on my family for anything. They are all completely burned out with helping me and at some points make me feel like a real burden. It pretty much live on my own in the guesthouse on my parents property and I only call them for emergencies or if something needs to be done outside of my caregivers time here, which I tried to keep down to as little as possible. It gets annoying and I wish I could get my own place, but I've had bad experiences living on my own apartment so the situation I have now works out pretty good.
    C-5/6, 7-9-2000
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    Make the best out of today because yesterday is gone and tomorrow may never come. Nobody knows that better than those of us that have almost died from spinal cord injury.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Domosoyo's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the comments. I really was wondering if I was just being overprotective or had a problem with anyone other than us helping her. I'm glad it seems to be a normal feeling. She was approved for ten-hours of care a day but I can't see us ever having someone over on a regular basis for that amount of time. Just because MedAssistance will cover us for ten hours a day doesn't mean we're going to use it. Her PCA is in her early twenties...one of my requirements. Big sister starts college in the fall so I think it will help to have someone closer the age of 13 and so far that is working great.

    Bottom line she'll be happier with as little help as possible and we'll help her get there. I'm afraid her blood is chock full of independent, feisty bitches from my side of the family, ha!

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