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Thread: Motivation for Son???

  1. #11
    Ever sit him down, look him in the eye and say "Well son you now get to make all your own decisions." Whatever you decide you get to live with it".Kinda puts the ball in his court.
    You may be surprised how many good decisions He will make.

  2. #12
    Junior Member snolte's Avatar
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    thanks murrey,

    I kinda like that. . .

    I did call his old football coach (who he respects greatly) and talked to him a bit. He is going to bump into him at school and see what he can find out.

    Patrick, I can't lift my leg that high (ha)

    I know i shouldn't get suckered in to that, but is so hard.

    Can I ask you why you hate school?

  3. #13
    Tough love is all that will work here. As you know, 16 yo boys will act like this, SCI or not, but of course he is risking more with his health than most AB boys. Instead of being punitive you might want to turn it around and use incentives as rewards...ie, if he goes to therapy 3X during the week, he earns the right to use the car from 6PM-midnight Saturday, for example.

    There are devices that would allow him to be independent with his bowel care now. You don't have to wait for his jacket to come off.

    I would also like to endorse how helpful family therapy can be in a situation like this. Find a good family oriented clinical social worker or psychologist who can work with the entire family on these issues. You can require him to go (he is 16, and as said before, don't give him a choice). You should be able to get a referral through the rehab center he went to, or through his SCI physician.

    (KLD)

  4. #14
    Senior Member ~Patrick~'s Avatar
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    Can I ask you why you hate school?
    I dont know. I have always strugled and couldn't learn unless it was hands on. I stuck with construction because it was something I was good at and knew well. Now, its kinda hard to scale a girder sixty feet in the air when you cant even reach a glass in the upper cabinets. I will graduate in May with a degree in architecture. I currently have five clients I am doing/have done plans for. So I guess it has worked out for the best.

    T-10 complete
    10/08/01
    "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO' what a ride!"

  5. #15
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    Well, in any culture or society, the word "school" is cursed. Tell me if you loved school when you were 16 and I'll tell you ... "you're lying". I hated school when I was in high school though I belonged to the top 10 of the 'cream of the crop'. School to me was a 'crap' (let me borrow your American lingo).

    Follow your son's wishes. Don't nag him. Dig his hidden innermost or talent. Appreciate him as the best son in the world. We all have talents. I don't believe on a 'gifted child'. We all have something on our alleles. Try to befriend his friends just how I did to my son's and daughter's when they were 16. They are now 22 and 20 respectively and they still live with me like my 'little puppies'. Likewise, don't be too demanding which is common amongst mothers. You didn't mention a father figure in your house. Is the father alive? Let him mingle with his biological dad, if not, biological uncles. Sure, that would help.

    Lastly, remember 16 is 'sweet sixteen'. You've got to be a 'sweet mom', won't you?

    Goodluck and all the best to your family.

    Hashem

  6. #16
    Junior Member snolte's Avatar
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    Thank you patrick,

    Congratulations on your graduation.

    Hahem,

    I appreciate your words very much. His dad is in the picture but very reserved.


    Well, yesterday when i got home from work his brother was walking out of the bathroom with the plunger and he was in the shower. Hum, I thought. . .that usually means that he had a BM. I asked him if he did his own bowel program and he said yes. (So Bethany you were right!!!)

    He also got himself to therapy and was in a rather chipper mood.

    Thanks all.

  7. #17
    Senior Member BeeBee's Avatar
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    Snolte: I'm sorry, I don't have much in the way of motivation, I wanted, instead, to introduce myself. My son is 17 and was injured on 8/14/04, also mva. He's also a T12 complete. I was amazed at the differences in indepence levels and the therapy your son received. We have some of the same low motivation issues (not all are new since the accident) but my son is less and less willing to go out and becoming more isolated. He's still wearing his brace, also. Probably for another month. He does is own bowel program (not being very successful there: what does your son do? we could use some help here!!), but doesn't dress himself, prepare food, etc. None of the therapy he's been to has taught him any life-skills or "fun" things (basket ball, racing, etc.). He's been mostly stuck with old people or in the hospital.
    My son's name is Kevin.

  8. #18
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    Snolte, BeeBee,
    I don't know where your sons are in high school, but the football player academically underachieving teenager would accurately describe my son, a really neat kid, but football or athletics were all that he was interested in. He is a senior in high school, C 6-7 Asia injured May 26, 2002. He has been in the program since June 2004

    Please check the website SitTallStandTall.com Contact some of the folks there to see what they are doing now. I would be glad to visit about the program, sports, schools and living in the area.

  9. #19
    Junior Member snolte's Avatar
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    BeeBee,

    My son Dack, started out on two Senna Tablets on days of Bowel Program and one Doclace every morning. Every three days he'd transfer to the toilet and used an Enemeez. Some times I'd have to do manual removal to get it started.

    Now, he's stopped the meds and still goes every three days or when he can tell when he has to go. Still has to digistim every once in a while. He does eat alot of frosted shredded wheat. The Physical Therapy 3x a week really helps.

    He has a group of friends that have kept him going. Our house is like a hotel on the weekends. They have been really good about coming and picking him up and going to the movies or whatever.

    Is you son currently in Physical Therapy?What part of the country are you from?

    He was taught an awful lot at Shriner's. I really had to learn when to back off and sit on my hands.

  10. #20
    Senior Member amanda's Avatar
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    Patrick- architecture! I'm getting my associates degree in CAD and hope to find a good school to pursue architecture when I get done with that. where did you go to school?

    snolte-I'll echo everyone else in saying...he's a teenager!!! he sounds EXACTLY like my brother at that age. and he didn't have the chair as a factor in his attitude. to me it seems like the bowel program stuff will fall into place. it is still early after his injury. this is all new. he'll snap into gear the first time he has an accident because 'he didn't feel like bothering with that s@*%'. lol, literally.
    to me the best thing to do would be sit down and get his undivided attention. don't make it like a punishment, structured conversation. but, just tell him your thoughts. that you, and the rest of the fam, were more than willing to help out in his time of need directly after his SCI. but, that he is a big boy and needs to take care of his basic needs as a human. this includes bowel care, which is no fun but you gotta do it. getting him involved in some type of sport or physical activity sounds like it may be very rewarding to him, in multiple ways. if he was an active guy before the chair, I'm sure that interest and drive is still there. I, myself, am searching for such an activity that I can be passionate about as well as benefit physically from. give him time...but, still but a lil fire under his butt.

    ok now that I've gone on and on like I know what I'm talking about!

    " The best way to predict the future is to invent it."
    - Alan Kay


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